Confused about my confusion.
Is life so real or just an illusion.
This pain that I feel.
Can it be my imagination?
Each layer of my heart that will peel.
Like a snake it will just slither away.
Life is so short but I want an end to my days.
Im breathing, but will you please take my breath?
So I'm no longer capable of dialating my chest.
Gasp gasp ...there's s nothing left.
My lungs have lost its air.
My heart has lost its blood.
I can not stomach this.
I cant not take this.
Been here so many times lets face it.
My thoughts have now become complacent.
Running tears from my eyes.
Trying to escape my inevitable demise.
You tried to save my life.
Threw a life jacket as I drowned.
Im so sorry but I've fallen down.
Down into the darkness.
Down into emptiness.
Down into eternity.
Just hope you remember me, the best of me.
I want you to know, I love you.
But there was no saving me.

A dysfunctional family is not easy to break away from
You will love them as much as you hate them
The acid burning holes in your stomach will be soothed
By the smell of your fathers cooking
The bags under your eyes from being woke many a time by screaming
Will be covered by the makeup your mom buys for you

The hugs of your littlest brother will bind the pieces of your heart
that you swore had floated away in your bloodstream

You will catch yourself becoming them
Donning your battle armor
Hurling your fighting words into the fray

Don't
Take a step back
Remember love
Remember joy
Remember that this house is not to scale with the rest of the world

My demons don't like
the food that I eat.
They taunt me, sending me
running to the bathroom in defeat.

You are not worthy, they say
as I bow at their request.
That food was no good.
now the toilet bowl is my only rest.

My heart breaks, slowly
and pained tears begin to fall.
I have nothing left to give, I say,
I've already given you my all.

I stand and try without success
to wipe my steady tears away.
Looking in the mirror at my swollen eyes
I remind myself tomorrow is a new day.

Statuesque
Watching
Rage in her veins
Justified
Growing

Restless

Do not let them confine you
your words and guidelines clash
like enemies

Do not let them lead you
your words are as stubborn as a taurus
with the head of an aries

Do not let them **** you
your words can revive characters
that their ancestors encounters

Do not let them stress you
your words defeat the greatest of antidepressants
making prozac seem like candy

Do not let them attack you
your words shield their insults
leaving your core pure and true

Do not let them defeat you
your words are yours and yours alone
understanding is their problem

Do not simply do not give in
your words are your own
the worlds your create are your own
rules, no rules, chaos and mess
guidelines or no guidelines
the perk of being a writer
is that head of theirs
that rests on their shoulders
harnesses worlds, characters
lives, lovers, spirits
yearning to
taste paper
feel ink
and
be discovered

Defecated, or did I say defeated
fated to live this life
barren as loose shoe strings
fraying a little at the ends.
Like a torn T-shirt
I am covered in holes and stains
splotches that just don’t
seem to go away.
Defeated in the mere inches I take
or the hearts that I break

but the only heart I break is my own.
How to pick up the pieces
when I am
piece-less
peaceless, no peace here.
So all I do is clench and worry
and hope that one day defeat
might become a feat
that can actually go somewhere
move someplace out of reach
as I seem to speak
of dreams unaccomplished and maimed
of dreams inferred striking infrared filters
that whisper mere fragments
of my name.

Failure tiptoes in like a surprise
Never seen by hopeful eyes
To try is a risk
And chance is lie
Better to admit defeat

These efforts have yet been recognized
Not visible
Never seen
Stuck in the void of in-between
Tears fall heavy on crumpled pages
Dances performed on empty stages

Survival is just a mask
Hope is such a thankless task
Battling against the world and yourself
Placed your dreams on the highest shelf

But belief is a beautiful thing
Fate changes with the weather
Brush yourself off and start anew
Released from your personal tether

Dance with me and pay the price,
it's no big deal, the music's nice,
a twirl, a tap, why won't you glide?
I promise not to hurt your pride.

My heels click and stomp about,
your feet intact, without a doubt,
but something cracks, between us both,
a shattered, silent, bond-broken oath.

My smiles full of blind deceit,
your trust denied in fast defeat,
I've grown tired of this masquerade,
now you wish you hadn't stayed?

I can't believe you thought you'd be my match,
that we'd make it out without a scratch,
but jokes on you, and me too,
this was our final dance, so enjoy the view.