All the wrong decisions
that lead to our separation
are repeating themselves
and keeping me
awake and aware
we should've been
what we are not;
together

The cavas has been stained.
Numerous times over.
With every stroke.
Every decisive decision.
Remains.
Then it begins to paint itself.
This so called piece of unique art.  
Almost all the white is gone.
Splashed over.
And again.
With more colorful pigments and hues.
Yet covering up the past with a brighter saturation.
Only hides what's underneath.
Until it dries of course.
Making a corroding concoction of congested collisions.
That neither the painter.
Or the art would ever understand.
And so the piece goes on.
In search of a lasting peace.
While forever in limbo.
Awaiting the day when a new sheet of cavas will arrive.

Pizza boxes sit at curb sides every thursday.
Bottles and cans fill most weekends, some
week days because why not?
We celebrate in ***** rooms, letting liquids leave all sorts of stains.
Semesters pass and we pass (sometimes),
with nothing left in our pockets but long-term debt, friendly conversations lost in the haze of moderate alcoholism, and memories that we feel will last forever.
Youth is wasted on the young, they say,
but what better way to spend a Tuesday than day-drinking in eternal ecstasy?

Things old and young,
All were things to be
All are things to be.
If they were never meant
To be in the future
How would have they been the past,
And the present, and again the future.
Is the future an undecided mess?
Is the future an organized disarray?
Is the future another special dimension?
The equation of future still unsolved,
The strings of future still dangling from unthought processes.
How can we be so certain, yet uncertain about the Future?

I never was warned
Now I'm stuck on the horns

I'm burning in the fire
Stuck in the mire

Each choice will pierce
This decision is fierce

This situation is dire
My brain is going haywire

It's about to expire
What an awful quagmire

The universe against me is conspiring
With all it guns locked and loaded, it's firing

It's aiming straight at my heart, my head
I swear it wants me dead

Such an enigma
On the horns of a dilemma

Emotions over come ever moment
Twisting the foundation of reality
Do I take the role of pursuant
Or become another casualty

Slow down and breathe
The pace is too quick
Can't take another moment to think
It's all happening so quick

Regret for those rushed moments
Forever Lost in the past
I am no longer fluent
For the moments end to fast

Slow down and breathe
For rushed moments lead to loss

Searching for something
Not sure where to go
Just feeling around
In a big empty hole

The darkness is blinding
I can't find my way
My senses are gone
I wish they would have stayed

My path is uncertain
The future unknown
The choices to make
I must make all alone

There's nothing to help me
My time's running out
I better choose quickly
There's no time for doubt

I hope that my future
And what waits for me
Will somehow be bright
I'll be happy and free

But first there's this choice
I must find my way
Should I leave all I know?
Or be safe and just stay?

Every step I took towards you felt like security
But quickly led to a downward spiral of impurity