everything become dull when you left me
i hate that, it's a never ending storm, a haunting fear.
eyes filled with tears, as i cry myself to sleep
hoping and wishing every morning, you come back for me.

I wish I could tell you
all the things i want
without getting hurt
or crying

I wish I could express
how devastating it is
to hear those words
from you

I wish I could show you
all the scars i got
from the words
you threw at me

I can't escape

here is what
we are not
going to do

we are not going to
play taylor swift’s
latest album a
half dozen times

and we are not going to
get drunk on ****** sweet red
wine from a three liter bag
mixed with lime gin

and what we are most
certainly not doing today

is crying
and crying
and crying
and crying

mostly over what
didn’t happen
and what won’t happen
and what can’t happen

not
doing
that
today

and we are not
slipping darkly
down into the space
between the bathroom floor
and reality where
the bath mat lives and
i start to get afraid of myself

we are not falling
into the trap
of blood on skin
like drops of that bad
red wine dried and
left to oxidize

so here’s to what we’re
not going to do today

but then what
are we going
to do today?

Do you think I'm broken?
'Cause I can't tell anymore.
My smiles aren't mine;
And I can't tell anyone
Because they'll only pity me,
Or take it too personally.
But it's not about you
It's about me.
Maybe I am broken,
My mind,
My heart,
My head.
My happiness is a lie
Because I'm broken.

I wiped at the window
Until I could see clearly
Through the tears that threatened my facade
The tears that told the truth
Which I swallowed with the lump in my throat.

Paint the town black and it'll fit right in with my soul
If I even have one that is, I guess I just don't know
I often feel like there's something wrong with my mind
Everyone tells me that I am just wasting my time,
That I'm wasting my life

Kicking and screaming and fighting and crying all night
Scratching and tearing my skin until I stop my fight
I'm done trying tonight
Guess I'm done trying at life

I'm just a scared little girl who doesn't know what to do
In my scared little world reaching outward to you
But you won't help me
And I don't deserve it
I'm worthless
Not a single purpose
Just hurting

You say that you don't mean the bad things that I hear from you
I guess you don't but sometimes I really want you to
I love all the pain but I hate how it makes me cry
Because I know I love it but you think that that's not alright

I'm just a scared little girl with no one to hold onto
In my scared little world wishing I could just be held by you
But you won't let me
Even if I need it

I'm tired of wanting the fire to burn me up inside
The burn would clear up my lungs, my bones and my mind
Clear my skin of it's bruises
The bruises would fade
My day fades away
My soul finally feels safe at home
Even though homes where the heart is
And you said I was heartless

I guess home is where my art is
I guess my home is in the darkness
And you won't come inside
Though I try and I try
To welcome you in my life