distracted yet again by
the fullest of moons
on an unexceptional night
blown out of proportion
by undue reverence
and misplaced relevance
looming larger than it seems
nature should allow
a false sense of light
marred by hues
of orange and red
forced upon it by
this unseasonably late
summer's twilight
there are those who
will assign meaning to
this sight and to any
signs thus associated
guided by the symbolic
grounded in the scientific
somehow the truest
of explanations are overlooked
the simple will always
inexplicably
be far less appealing
than the convoluted

Im deep in the throws of finding myself
Caught in the undertow
Tumbling under the surface
After a wave pushes me down
I cant see what direction is up
And what is down
Theres pressure from all sides
Pushing and pulling
Like children in masks
Waiting for you to choose them
Who am I without a clear path?
Who was I born to be?
Does it even matter?
Thoughts jumble and
Twist into knots
Its impossible to untangle
The truth
But they say the truth will set you free
Am I forever to be
A prisoner of my own indecision?
Of my own lack of insight
Into who i am?
Because it is scary,
Getting lost in the current,
And when I can finally come up for air
I hope it tastes sweeter
Than I remember

If I finally find a single fact I’m sure of.

Before my time is up and my mind fully spent.

I’ll cling to it.

Dig my nails into it.

Till it or I break; ****** and bruised

And I'll work for it,

Till my knees buckle and my back bends from straining.

I'll sweat for it.

Lose my breath for it.

Till Death yanks me away from it.

Till then.

I'll have to make do.

I'll search for it.

A lifetime of  ineffective tactics;

A solemn occlusion
Such an obscene intrusion--
(To break through  the confusion
brought on  by  The Illusion)

Within  seclusion,
is felt  the Conclusion--
the only one for me.
Heaven will be my Hell
(I know that too well..)

From a whole lifetime
  Summed up 

within the word, "Fail".
.      .      .      .      .     .      

Here on Earth
I feel the presence of Heaven
And  within me
I know..
I know..
I know..

I know.

What gain  is A Forever in Heaven?
I already feel it in me--
   But it is not me.

Yet, within me..  it  is  me;
and it will never.. ever leave.

Sweet Love of mine..
whom I can't seem
to break through, to
In order to  truly be there
   for you.

   Help me  to earn
         the right
   To descend in to Hell
(where there is no longer
the strength of Illusion)
Here,  I am not that strong;
I cannot break through it
   There..   in Gehenna
will be the removal  of illusion..
    Leaving only The View,  

      (.. no hinderance.)
.      .      .      .      .     .     .     .

Hell  is  the  View.. 
  perfectly seen,   from


  the most unbearable
                      distance.


May  what is in me
never leave me
And the Hell,  of Hell
   be,  to me
  like  a  Forever  Rising  Sun..
The most incredible, Heaven.
(the removal of illusion)

I pray you're not there..
   (almost  as much..)

Selah.


       My Heaven;
is to be with  anyone
       or everyone
(apart from  the illusion)

In order to  truly be there
   for them.

I wondered if my love for you died.
Weird, I thought I would have fought for you, I thought I would have cried.
Instead everything felt hollow.
Not having any inspiration to write, its, not loving you. Its a hard pill to swallow.

Who am I if not for you poetry.