Through the rivers and the rain
   My emotions seep

No matter how far I reach
   How quiet I be
      Or how fervently I wish
      For this condensated heart to dry

Beneath stars and moonlight vain
   I stay
      Locked in the garden of perpetual being
         Without your warmth of certain meaning

And when the new morning comes
   With the quiet thought
      I realize what I had always ought

That I cannot seem to make you mine
   Regardless of the place or time

I can’t sleep
Thoughts of you
Fill my mind
Travel down my spine

When I got sick, I thought my life was over
I remember picturing myself walking through the woods
Noose in hand; while the doctor was talking
My demons do nothing less than stalk me
Everyone in my life mocks me
They walk on eggshells
Because I have no tale-tell sign of impending explosion
No canary in the mine of my mind
I should hide my face more often when I cry; Because I’m an ugly crier
I love deep fried anything
You hate it when I sing
Cause I’m off-key
But I have a lot to say

I'll send out
A newsletter
For you
And you alone
With pictures
Of me
And the dogs
And the fish
And the things
We once
Might've shared
If only you
Weren't hiding
In Colorado
I know
I put
The blame
All on you
And that's so
So not fair
But I can't
Deal with
The fact
That you miss
Me less than
I miss you
Is it so
Wrong to
Want you to
Miss me
I want you
To kiss me
At night
In your dreams
I'm begging
You please
Give me a
Sign that
You could
Be mine
Don't ask
If that's
******
It is because
You don't
Have the time
To listen
To me whine
You've been
Inside for days
Your world
Is surely
A haze of
Therapy
And remedies
To things
You don't want
To fix and
I understand
The pain
Of being torn
Away from the
Things that
You've lived on
For so long
But I've
Been there too
It *****
It really does
But please
Come home soon
I'm in love
With your letters
There's no
Promise of
Forever but
I at least
Want to see
You before
You go for good
I'm not
Misunderstood
Just ashamed
Of the things
That I've done
And the things
That I'll do
But not of you
Never of you

Click, click
Scroll, scroll
Light shine in my face
Clock is ticking
As I lie awake

What time is it now?
Doesn’t even matter
The birds will chirp soon
I’ll hear all the clatter

My family waking,
Breakfast will cook
“You’re up early!”
But sleep I never took

Click, click
Scroll, scroll
Tap, tap
Roll, roll

Side to side
I rocked all night
A comfortable spot?
No, not quite.

Time to get up, another restless night.

“i’m not sure how long it’s going to last though. we tried to fix things but she’s being so distant recently”

i nod my head

inside that head i’m begging things to fall apart so i can have you