I don’t see you as my brother.
You cry for her,
you cry for her to be able to move in,
you cry for what she’s going through,
and how bad her mom and stepdad are.
You say she sees my parents more of a parent than her own,
you say she sees how good they treat me..
That’s funny.
She thinks they were always good huh?
She thinks they’re perfect to me?
Hell.
Even you think so, don’t you?
Must be nice to forget.
I bet you don’t remember those summers,
those summers where it was just me and mom,
where we fought everyday,
and I’d end up hurt.
I bet you don’t remember the night before my 14th birthday,
where mom beat me for not waking up from my nap to clean my room.
Where dad came out too and beat me too,
I had bruises and welts all over me.
I couldn’t wear my birthday dress because of them.
I had them for a month after.
Why didn’t you cry for me like you cry for her?
I know you knew.
Why didn’t you do anything?
That's when you stopped being my brother.
That’s when I stopped expecting from you,
that's when I stopped needing you.
That's when I became an only child.

Mangonadas for dinner,
or maybe just a snack.
Cooking isn’t my forte—
an unfortunate skill to lack.

But when I was a child,
my brother caught on fire.
He leaned against the stove
as if it were his pyre.

Falling to the floor,
he stopped and dropped and rolled—
and luckily for him
the fire was controlled.

I ran upstairs in terror!
I screamed and I cried!
I thought I’d lost my brother—
I thought that he would die.

Lifting up his shirt,
he showed his big, black scar—
Such a drastic contrast
I could see it from afar.

Anxiety came in,
and never did I learn
to cook myself dinner—
too afraid to burn…

Today i found out that
My brother is turning into me.
Every single detail.
I'm scared for him.

Laughing with my friends
Betraying my step-sister
She's wishing for this to end
While I become more sinister
Hitting her
Manipulating she
Claiming I'm her brother
While a female, I am he
Letting my sister pour out her feelings
Using it later to my advantage
Using her for my feedings
Putting her into a disadvantage
God, I love blackmail

Calling her a crybaby when she cries like a baby
Just because I hit her in the head
While she's crying on her bed
I try to reason with my parents, claiming I hit her “lightly”
Thinking I'm rightly
Easily getting myself out of situations
Easily throwing degradations
At my sister
Knowing it's best for her
Knowing it's the best for mere skin and bones

Manipulating situations to get out of sticky situations
Leaving the blame to my sister
Leaving my past more sinister
Knowing how to get past the situation after choking my sister
Getting away with choking her after multiple attempts to end her life
Threatening to stab her with a knife

Yelling at her
Shouting at her
Just to make her feel bad
Just to make her feel sad
Just so I can push myself higher up the mountain
While she falls in a tin
At the bottom of the mountain
Watching her as she fell
Letting her drown in the pits of hell
As I'm viewed as the angel of the family
Not once treating her like family

Ended up making her have anxiety
Not having a single ounce of pity
Ended up making her sleep deprived
Looking as if she could never survive
Making her have insomnia
Well, that's too bad! See ya!
Ended up making her have the “sad syndrome"
Honestly, that not my problem- "um
Who said that?”

Next day

I view my sister as the “most perfect angel
Such a perfect and beautiful angel”
As I say to make her think I still like her
Manipulating her still
Letting her know I'm a walking light switch
Letting her know I'm a manipulative *****
Making it seem as if I love her
But I'd much prefer my father

Letting her do what she wanted for tonight
She wanted to sleep with me tonight
Before she fell to sleep
Before I fell asleep
I gave her hickeys
She tried to push me off as I gave her hickeys
But she couldn't since she wasn't strong
I knew it was wrong
But continued to do it
As she screamed at it
Yet nobody came to save her
Leaving her
They then labeled her as “problematic"
They labeled her as "dramatic”
Knowing that I was "asleep”
But I so desperately wanted to to sleep

Doing this for years on end
Ganging up on her with my friends
Loved doing this but it's time for playtime to come to an end

Days go by without you.
The pain never stops.
How long must I continue without you?
I miss you big brother... Don't leave me.
Hug me like you used to and cry with me...
My love for you never falters.
So, please, stay by my side.
Watch over me.
Protect me.
I miss you.

Rock-

a-bye-baby
My little brother, a new friend maybe

He grew up quite different than me
Are similarities were hard to see

Recently we found some common ground
Our relationship may now rebound

Spending more time with him
at a new climbing gym

I went rock climbing with my brother
I wouldn't have gone with another

The task to rebuild seems so steep
but its worth it so I will keep

Climbing

Possessed very little
other than my heart
a small cloth bag under his bed
in case he had to run
everything precious to him
a favourite book, a poem, a string
a pearl in a cage
he no longer can run
I can no longer hide
the heart that now
must die