I guess I missed the emptiness you left behind,
how it felt like it was everything that mattered;
that soul-crushing, heart-wrenching weight.

I was terrified of letting go of what remained—
the sadness that slowly cracked me open;
because I’m afraid.
I’m afraid of not feeling.
I’m afraid of being happy again.
I’m afraid to forget.

I was desperate to hold onto a piece of you,
so I clung to these memories instead,
because we all know the painful ones
are so much easier to keep.

I heard you went to Harvard
So you must be pretty smart-

The book-kind of smart anyway.

I can tell you that I never saw it coming—

That post-it-note break-up
placed on our bed
for me to find
after years of looking after you.

I’m not bitter though.
Actually wanted to thank you-

For sparing me the endless stream of dull conversations I’m certain you still have about books you’ve read and of theoretical science.


Because of you, I got to write my own new adventure to faraway lands, dirt in my hands and camel bells made out of tortoise shells clanging in the desert.

So thank you for being smart enough to set me free with your post-it note.

I'm not sure if it's braver
to stay
or to go
I'm afraid either way
and I just don't know
luckily I don't have to decide
tonight

to be loved by you
is to be noticed, cared for
to feel warm and secure
laughing endlessly
little sly smirks and soft caresses
the way you look at me
I will never forget what it was like
to have been loved by you

maybe the worst part is
that I've let them all down again
my cat sits patiently by the door
waiting for you to walk through it
my mother beamed and gushed
about how happy she was for me,
"Finally!"
maybe we got too ahead of ourselves
and believed in each other too much
taking the world with us on the way up
and then too when we came crashing down

even if you can feel it
you never know
when it will be the last time
when it will end
not really
kiss them a second longer
linger in the doorway
look back and wave
love with all you have
whenever you can
you never know

This is a love letter to all the love letters that I don't receive anymore

The flowers at my doorstep have withered and died

I have those letters...they're around here somewhere... I know I wouldn't throw them away...

Oh! Here they are - crumpled and worn, here, let me straighten them out

My eyes fall over the words written in your font, the inky black pen leaving it's imprint of you

Your vocabulary is extensive, I'll give you that, but what I read today is fluff

You're words sound like filler, like you're reading from a text book

I can't help but laugh to myself at the thought of ever falling for such ingenuity

You have a knack for luring girls in, I can see that, but keeping them is a different game

The empty words only go so far, pretty soon they will be able to see that somewhere within you a light has been turned off

Once they see it they won't be able to unsee it

They will fight and kick and scream because, "He's perfect!"

But your light have been turned off and there is nothing left but self preservation in your eyes

A primal animalistic streak, stuck in fight or flight

I hear animals have a 6th sense that kicks in when they are being mauled in the wild

This sense protects them from feeling a thing, their eyes glaze over, they stop fighting, they feel nothing

I see this in you, my love

You're stuck somewhere, somewhere that I can't reach, that nobody can reach

You're being eaten alive by your own teeth

Yes, I don't receive love letters anymore

The flowers at my door are brittle to the touch

But I would trade that any day

Because I'm no longer your prey

All the great men in my life who I have left behind have lost their minds
They all now have glossy eyes and an inability to answer when you ask them questions
Mashed up brains from the greens or the delusions, I don’t know
But I don’t defend them anymore
Their true selves have evaporated off of their sick bodies into the saintly vault of past memories
That’s why I do not truly miss them anymore.