They say I can't chase you next
Can't seek out the moon over Mexico
or relive the tears I shed on the plane
home,
I can't feel the tirelessness of our forever
like the hope that dawned and set inside your eyes
I memorized every stitch in the broken couch
and I can still see us there
You're studying, I'm sleeping,
Planting rhubarb and watching our trees grow
Lightning shorted out the reception tower out back
As I sat on the end of our bed, mind blank, and laughed
All the glitter on the stone patio and the shirt left in the rain and the socks hung to dry on a hook you
Forgot
We kneaded pizza dough and watched Roseanne
That I jumped on you in the middle of the storm as you held me,
Kissing while UMF raged
In one loud, still moment
You are stopping me at the towel shack
Finding my legs under the restaurant table
Shoving my mittened hand in your pocket
Asking me to stay
Messaging me
and I know I'll chase you again
I just can't be with you now.

"Don't play hard to get,"
you say,
but I thought we weren't playing at all
because the labored breaths
and extended silences
we exchanged instead of words
were the conclusion to our never-published,
still-in-editing,
fairy tale love story

Your eyes held on
to the tears that had formed
so that they never really fell

And I held on
to our unspoken romance
and fell harder than expected

I thought I was the one
who jumped
but not without a little push
from you

I can't say I blame you
you just did what was best
but I guess I wasn't prepared
for best
to feel worst

So Boy,
I am not playing with anyone
or anything
(except with my necklace,
when I think about you)
and you are still plucking away
at my strings,
so softly
that I almost didn't notice

I guess I'm too familiar with the sound
to ignore it

i've married you in my mind, atleast a million times,
and in this dream of mine, you wear a black suit and boe tye.

last night i couldnt sleep so i turned on the tv, but just counted
the freckles on your back, and drifted off into fantasy.

i wanted to tell you how you look like an angel when you sleep,
lying next to you my kneese get weak, i'm in so deep. head above water.

and just so you know, i'll never let go, come what may you'l always be my favorite hello.

you're my partner in crime, you're my favorite addiction, you are the love of my life, forever you'l be my  one and only, just stay by my side, i know that this life is like a rollar coaster ride, but as long as 'm alive, you dont have to be lonely. and i'll be okay as long as you're here to hold me.

i swear to god i'm not
envious of her i just
want to break her precious
fingers when she touches him
i just want to sever the
thinned space between
them i just want to shove
her from his grasp i just
want my hands to stop shaking
when i see them together i
just want to see him stop
gazing at her with eyes
brighter than moonbeams.

i swear to god i'm not jealous.

I want you to be able to tell me your inner thoughts and deepest feelings.
But now i realize you might have already given that away...

I cried myself to sleep last night,
because for the first time,
it felt like you didn't care.