I spend days and nights
Trying to find the words to write
The words to describe my pain
The words to explain why I'm insane
But little words can explain
What's going on in my brain

Dictionaries, thesauruses, every literary tool
Extensive knowledge of every grammatical rule
Yet I'm still staring at a blank page
Unable to explain my fueling rage

Maybe the reason we spend night after night
staring at a blank paper
is because the words we so desperately need to write,
are words that have not yet been created.

And nothing comes easy anymore.
No words in my mind can form into sentences,
Just as the victim struggles with her words as the man dressed in black holds a knife to her throat.
She knows what to say, but she just can't stop the image of her head falling off her body from playing in her mind.
so with this thought I decide to check the time
Only to see that it is limited
and I can't formulate my thoughts into readable words.
I want the word to understand the beauty inside my mind,
Before this man decides to dig his blade into my skin and end my life.
I can see humanity suffocating under the hand of technology,
With nothing to save us but our minds,
But our minds are flooded with misery.
So will we be saved or is this damage already too thick?
Is it time to be content with this lack of air,
Or should I request to have my throat slit open
To make up for it?

It seems no matter what I do I cannot control my words
And the stories I have grown on my own are hesitant to be told
I feel a block is in my throat
And a numbness in my hands
And the only thing that grows is the frustration toward this blandness
Rigorous in searching this I've found myself no release
And I scream
I scream
I scream for me to find words that I believe
My anger reaves more than I think
I can't find a ******* break and no one can ******* see
Don't you find beauty in my unraveling?
In a mind swallowed by the sea?
Am I capturing the picture well enough for you to be a part of me
I hope you see
I hope you scream
And scream
And scream until you understand the feelings that I cannot help but be
I do not do this for amusement
I don't do it for you
I don't do it for praise
Or for you to find truth
I do it to avoid release in my youth
From a rope
Or a gun
Or a bus on the move
I DON'T DO THIS FOR AMUSEMENT
But boy is it fun
I DON'T DO THIS FOR YOU
But I want you around
I DON'T DO THIS FOR PRAISE
But I love the sound
I DON'T DO THIS FOR THE TRUTH
But it's something I've found
So I scream
And scream
And scream until I write these dreams down

My muses are no longer amusing,

the pen no longer spills red ink.

The clouds in my mind do not condense,

thus rain cannot stain the paper.

A blank slate, though cliche

is the only thing I see.

Perhaps to mean rebirth,

yet the newborn does not go blind.

The faces are stamped on each letter,

even if it is not from nor adressed to them.

Ink can be smudged, yet the one who smears it

can still read the fine print.

Have you ever had one of these nights?

As nightfall arrives,
And bedtime comes.
My eyelids fall shut.
I am whisked off to dreamland,
Hoping for new and bigger inspirations to arrive.
That I may write.

As daytime arrives,
The sun begins to shine.
My eyelids open.
I awaken to a brand new day.
With, all dreams and inspirations forgotten.

© 2013 Ronald J Chapman All Rights Reserved.

Stifling sentences from mind to pen to paper
Blundering from word to word
Forcing friend and foe to collaborate to hold together,
hand in hand a story to be told
But sometimes that art, those wells, grow old
So I dig and I dig for a fountain to come forth
And with it the words with which to refresh both mind and soul
A laborious task, too large to ask
Of one who isn't entirely mad
But no need for worry because I am that
I'll find the fountain of words.
Elusive, exclusive, entirely too much
A passionate flow, a particular touch
Extensively existing in the minds of those persisting
To indulge in the sweet words that flow from mind to pen to paper
To taste and sample the selected assortment
Fastidiously arranged as if awaiting atonement
Expressions from the fountain I've found it.

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I
Need
        *To
           *Write
                    But
                         Feel
                             Though
                                        Many
       ­                                        Steps
                                                       ­ Must
                                                         ­       Be
                                                   ­         Climbed  B4  I   WR1TE  1NCE  **AGAIN