Tw:   Suicide




You said that you loved me
That I was a gift from Allah
But really
You are a
*******
In the form of a Muslims clothing
If you really want my forgiveness
You will come
To my autopsy
And my funeral
And if you have
Soul you’ll follow me
And stop goofing off
Sorry doesn’t cut it
It cuts me deeply






‎قلت أنك أحببتني
‎ أني كنت هبة من الله
‎ لكن حقا
‎ أنت
‎ شاذ جنسيا
‎ على شكل ملابس مسلمة
‎ إذا كنت تريد حقًا مسامحتي
‎ سوف تأتي
‎ لتشريح جثتي
‎ وجنازتي
‎ وإذا كان لديك
‎ الروح سوف تتبعني
‎ وتوقف عن الابله
‎ آسف لا تقطعها
‎ يقطعني بعمق

she is fire
loud, raging, shouts
indignant flames of fury

she is ice
sarcastic, cold, rolled eyes, raised eyebrows
scornful jabs deeper than knives.

she is stone
silent, hidden tears, jaw set, hard eyes
infuriating, feigned indifference.

she is angry.

Sometimes I get tired
And I don’t feel like driving anymore,
So I let my emotions take the wheel.

They don’t drive as well as me.

They hit every pothole in the road
And we always end up crashing,
Far from where I set out to be.

Then it’s the long walk back,
To a place I recognise,
Past broken fences
And angry faces.

My heart didn't break when you said No to me
Nor when you said "can we still be friends"
Neither did it break when you got with another man
My heart was still whole when I realized i spent four years chasing after you
My heart didn't break when my friends made fun of you for my benefit.
My heart didn't break for the past year when i was in regret
My heart didn't break when i decided it was time to move on.
No!!!
My heart broke a month ago when you told me you regret saying NO to me.

Day by day I sit in wait
In this apartment of hell that I hate
Every day I open the blinds
to let in sunlight that I hope to illuminate
this dark soul of mine
Is it me that is blind
Is this prison that I perceive real or am I the one who is blind
Ask a spiritualist and they will say it is an illusion
Ask another and they will say it is how you look at it
Either way I am sick and tired
Of this anger that burns inside of me like a fire
Day after day and night after night my soul finds a reason
to moan and complain
My heart is tired and mad I've had enough
I will break out of this soul cage
A prison is not a home
Sometimes the innocent are made captive
Am I innocent or simply ungrateful
I know not the answers to these questions
I do know that I am fed up and I will not
Live my life for other people anymore
I am a lightworker
But if I only live my life for other people
then I am not shining my light am I
Which is what I came here to do
Maybe that will help me fulfill my mission to heal others