When you finally find a job that is decent, that pays quite enough and you love but your body betrays you, weakens you, and sabotage your dream.

Will you continue working despite the sleepless yet satisfying days? Or will you quit and listen to your body?

Adulthood is a semi
Barreling down the highway of life
And I'm standing in the middle of the lane going
Crap

It's part and parcel of growing up,
The things you gain and
The things you lose.
The pain you feel
When the shelter you've had couldn't protect you
Your mind reels
Your stumble, your fall,
The feeling of losing it all;
You're not in control,
But a pawn in Life's thrall.
You're never sure,
You're surely lost,
It's better to admit it now,
Then let your pride rule and before
The higher you climb,
The faster you fall.
It is a fact, you can never have it all.

25...
When you were a kid you thought that you would be married by now
Have it all figured out
The career
The home
The car
The kids
Now you're here and *******...
Do we ever really figure it out?
Adulting is hard
Your Facebook feed is filling up with engagements and baby announcements
but your reading the newsfeed in the liquor isle of Safeway
Beer or wine tonight? Hmm maybe *****?
"Psh who wants to be a boring married couple"
That's what you think to yourself
Trying to convince yourself that it's okay
Drown out that little voice in your head saying "you're gonna be alone forever"
It's like walking on a tightrope
One side you have it together and the other side you still might as well be that 21 year old college student ordering shots at the bar
If someone has this figured out- hit a homie up
Until then, I'm just doing me and I guess I'm doing fine

I stole a traffic cone last summer
it sits in my bedroom next to
a mason jar with 25 dollars
worth of change in it
more or less
and a hundred dollar bottle
of perfume

I own 8 vintage cameras
and only 3 of them work

I woke up yesterday at
12:45pm
and I ate 6 girl scout cookies
for breakfast

the windowsill next to my bed
holds a candle that I will probably
never burn
a book that I haven’t finished
a half empty box of condoms
and a roll of electrical tape
because all of my chargers are
broken

today I fried chicken in a pan
and I ate it with noodles
and canned alfredo sauce
and I felt accomplished

today my sister called me
to ask what she should wear
on a date where a man
cooks her dinner at his apartment
I told her to wear jeans a blouse
but I don’t know what
one wears in that situation
because I’ve never been
in that situation
and then I hung up and
watched 2 more hours of netflix
alone

tomorrow I will call my mother
while I walk back to my car
from poetry class
even though I don’t have any
news to tell her
and when I hang up I will wonder
if she notices that I call her
every Monday and Wednesday
around 10:30am

tomorrow at 3 o clock
my phone will remind me to
take my medicine
and I will take 75mg
of Effexor and I will
drink a full glass of water
because I am afraid of getting a pill
stuck in my esophagus

tomorrow night I will lay in bed
and I will have a brief anxiety attack
about getting older
and then I will fall asleep
and have scary dreams about more insignificant things

Adulting?
Insulting!
I'm still just a kid.
Peter Pan ain't got **** on me,
(but he wishes he did!)

It's a syndrome of sorts,
born deep in the bones:
Children at heart with bodies full grown.