I’m fading away, backing off from life.
Echoes of joy and faults pass like falling stars.
Every day has a few drops less of strife.
Silent shrapnel crashes in soft and witless shards.
And I’m shrinking from the Now;
I couldn’t even tell you how.

Moments of ecstasy and pain are sealed,
Like shrines to a life I still know.
Etched in summer’s softness or in steel.
I am vanishing, but I don’t know where I’ll go.
My once-beloved and my son are here.
One ignores me, while the other
Watches in helpless fear.

Five A.M and I am by myself…again.
Sun washes in with sorrow in its face.
For the thousands of times, I have slept alone,
I feel like a stranger in this place,
I once called our home.
Now it’s a cage to me,
Filled with broken promises and mis-matched lace.

I am going now, heading toward the West.
Leaving memories and pain behind with a sleeping wife..
Every day brings me closer to an end
Leaves fly in the road behind me, remnants of a life.
I am crying for the misspent years.
But no more of those; I am changing, switching gears.

September 17, 2010
Edited – January 5, 2016

In infinite stories,
And in beats I hear,
Across the street,
In your memories.
Oh, what I'd do
To keep you, forever,
Closer than all,
Farther than the truth.
In the scorching heats,
And in breezes of summer,
And in pooled up tears,
And your ringing laughter.
And in all those
Delicately shining trinklets,
Rubber bands that you stole,
I'd keep you.
Close, and closer,
Each day, more,
Idly, on the top shelf.
In my favorite read,
In the eyes of,
My favorite poet,
I'd keep you.
If not silently,
If not tonight,
If not in my longings,
And dark selfishness,
I'd keep you.
Even when you do not
Falter to stay,
I'd still keep you.
Softly wrapped,
In the warm blankets,
Of my balming words,
And my promises of love,
Hidden in these lines,
Your essence, and you,
I'd keep you.
To let you not,
Keep me, hold me dear,
From far afar,
I'll let you go,
And still,
In all my breathes,
And blinks of my eyes,
I will, yes,
I'd keep you.

I don't want to leave behind
The world I've come to know.
And I refuse to return blind
From the land of ice and snow.

The land of painful suffering
I've come to know so well
I must depart for fairer lands
Then return to blazing hell.

The issue here, I don't exactly know.
Its fire never scorched me
Its barbs have never scratched me.
All I can tell you is that

I don't want to go.

to my mother who never cared

i.  Thank you for becoming the woman
    you promised that you would never
    become.
ii. I never got all my stuff back, and
    I'm starting to lose myself in the
    stuffed animals and photographs
iii. i don't need you
    i don't need you
    i don't need you
iv. dad still cries and so do i but
     it's alright you never loved
     either of us anyways.
v.  thanks for forgetting my birthday
     and Christmas
     and that you gave birth to me
vi. i don't need you
     i don't need you
     i don't need you


     I don't need you.