when I wanted to turn my wrists into christmas gifts and slice them with paper cutters to see if I could find a better tomorrow written in my veins
where were you
when I wanted to pour my tears into a Xanax and Clorox cocktail and get buzzed on the thought of angel wings tearing my back open
where were you
when I took a heart shaped box full of rotted sweets and poured it in the gasoline that lit our first kiss, watching the good intentions burn to ash on the pavement
where were you
when I tore up the tear-stained ink-heavy pages of love notes and tossed them into my backyard stream
where were you
when I took off the bracelet you made me and tied it to the traffic sign on the bridge where the police found me
where were you
when I was handcuffed to a bench in a stone holding room singing our song over and over again, screaming unintelligibly at every officer who asked for my name
where were you
when I called every night, wondering why you decided not to speak to me anymore
where were you
when I checked my messages and saw "*****" where I said "sweetheart", "******* ******" where I said "I'm sorry."
where were you
when I tied my last hope to a tree on the beach and swung from it
where were you
when I prayed the rope would snap just as easily as my heart did
where were you
when I stood on your doorstep in the rain, wishing that I didn't remember your address
where were you
when I was passed out on the curb, drunk and alone
where were you
when I was curled under a desk, screaming at the rain and kicking the locked doors
where were you
when I was at the cliffs, counting the jutted rocks and trying to measure the exact angle I would need to fall
where were you
when I finally decided enough was enough,
and took every piece of my glass heart and used it to carve a new person
But love,
where were you
when I needed someone to hold me while I was hurting?
me? bitter? nah