i’m jealous of me
from an hour ago—
because i was the one
who got to be with you
an hour ago,

and now i’m not.

i’m jealous of me
from an hour ago—
because you kissed my nose
and you held me so close
an hour ago,

...
so
can we hang out tonight?

it’s official—
i hate being alone.
this isn’t a poem
but
it’s words
i needed to say

when you said
i love you
it was a dizzying accident—

a crashing wave—
leaving bubbles of a nervous laugh
and a glimmering embrace.

your gaze rapidly flashed
down, and i hid
my wonder-flooded face—

in the surge of one moment,

we were too
dazed to dive into the surf
of that torrential magnificent.

when you fall in love,
you start to protect your lover —
you learn how to keep him safe from his heartache and his hurt.
you become his wall of happiness,
protection from unwanted intruders,

and he is already protecting you.
he has learned to defend you
against predators and cannibals
and men who lurk in shadows.
he becomes your wall of safety,
protection from unwanted intruders,

but sooner or later
love teaches him.
he learns his real job :
to protect you
from yourself.

so he destroys the doubts
and he exiles the pain
and he uproots theshameandguiltandfear
from within the walls
of your secret garden —

and he quietly grows

and he tenderly nurtures

your contentment within yourself.


then without warning
the april sun shines
he opens wide the garden gates —
the walls have been long torn down —

and your gardener gently whispers :

it’s time for you
to come
and enjoy your own paradise lost

maybe i don't have answers
but at least now
i'm asking questions

i don't know if i'm verbally
processing or if i just want
to talk about myself some more

it’s clumsy
it’s clammy
but it’s finally something

O sweet spontaneous
earth how often have
the
doting

            fingers of
prurient philosophers pinched
and
poked

thee
,has the naughty thumb
of science prodded
thy

      beauty       .how
often have religions taken
thee upon their scraggy knees
squeezing and

buffeting thee that thou mightest conceive
gods
        (but
true

to the incomparable
couch of death thy
rhythmic
lover

          thou answerest


them only with

                          spring)

thoughts of you won't quiet down
and its left me to expose my frown.
lonely nights seem to be getting longer
but they say, "time will make you stronger."

now i lay here alone,
shutting down my entire phone,
for my suffering became real
when you told me how you really feel.

I wished
I could look into your mesmerizing eyes
and see your bright warm smile in person
instead of interpreting it in a text message.
To hear the words uttered from your soft lips, unfiltered.
And not as a digital voice through my phone that I'm trying to listen to with my headphones to intensify the sound.
To feel your presence, to touch your body with my own hands
Instead of plainly touching you with my words.
To smell your perfume on you
Instead of keeping a bottle with the liquid in my closet.
I wished my senses were attuned to you in distance...