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Today for the first time in quite awhile,
upon my face grew a genuine smile.

It wasn't fabricated, it was honest and true
and when reality hit me I was left feeling blue.

I was so surprised, it was hard to even speak.
How long had it been? A month or a week?

My smile had faded as quickly as it grew,
but I know it'll be back the next time I think of you.
My head doctor told me I was "existentially depressed"
I watched as Fall fell today.
From the rain.
It washed the Earth.
Cleansed the trees as well.
The bright golds,
crimson reds of yesterday...
Yesterday, a day of sun that
warmed my skin. Blessed me
of Autumn beauty.

The Indian Summer
long awaited.
A secret time
'tween the
Fall and Winter.
When all things feel precious, sacred.
Comfortable and soft in the
prelude before the trees darken
for the deep slumber of winter.

It is this moment I love best.
The breath the Earth exhales,
Her Warmth, to keep us entranced,
until Spring greats us once again.


Copyright © 2015 Christi Michaels.
All Rights Reserved.
 Oct 2015 Things I'll Never Say
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Oh, sad Poet,
cartographer
of the heart,
mapping the geography
where sadness
is the topography
of your soul.

Oh, Cousteau
of the changing tides,
like an oceanographer,
an admiral  spying
the enemy on the horizon.
Your sorrow comes and goes.

Oh, builder of sad dreams
in your house of many rooms,
but one door. Like a grave,
a casket shellacked with
black paint, a mural
of a shadow on the wall.
Architectural sorrow.

Oh, you sad Poet,
open your eyes,
paint us a poem of a rose.
Poem penned straight at the author.
He's damaged,
               Unfixable it seems
What others would call
                  nightmares
       Are his sweetest dreams
                And sometimes
  He takes his emotions
                               to
                            extremes
       It's so blatantly obvious
  When he finally
           breaks down
                    And screams
That the world
          brought him to his knees

                  He's a broken spirit.
       And I just don't know
   If my love
              can mend his soul
Or if my broken pieces
        Are enough to make
                                      him
                  ­                      whole.
       And if I use what
                       little I have left
To put him back together
                Won't that just
                                  leave me
      In a shattered pile of emotions
                   *forever?
I don't know the answers but I know I'm willing to try.

Poetically speaking, I'm unsure about the ending.  Some constructive feedback would be greatly appreciated. Thx.
Words unspoken
Her heart is broken
Stubborn to quit  
Her love for him was far too great
She couldn't admit
1.
looks are blushes, the summer skies burning
across the curves of my cheeks;
something deep down inside stirs.

2.
'I want to get lost in the
mountains', you said, and i
immediately wanted to get lost
in your eyes.

3.
Electricity -
n.
that feeling of sudden power
coupled with the sting of vulnerability
that sets your nerves on edge
the first time he touches you.

4.
(the first time he touched me
i forgot what my hands
even felt before
they met his.
they struggled to let go)

5.
one day our eyes had
enough of waiting, our
hands got greedy for
naked flesh and we longed
for moremoremoremore.

6.
we never admitted it
not to each other, and
especially never to ourselves
but baby, you were my manna
and i, *the one who perhaps
could have.


7.
and to this day i have
not stopped longing
to wake up wrapped
around you, wrapped
in your arms,
iloveyou

lovelovelovelove
you.
i see the way you look at her.  
i see it everyday.  

i see the way you look at her.
lovingly,
affectionately.
fondly,
passionately,
warmly.

and i know you will never look my way.

why should you?

i see the way you look at her.

but

you will never see the way i look at you.
this feeling inside
tears me apart
I'm the smell before rainfall
And you're thunder in a storm
And it's a strange kind of beautiful
When dark clouds come to play
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