They told me I was loved.
Said it like a fact, like a given, like air.
And I nodded, let the words settle on my skin
but never sink in.

Because love—love is hands reaching,
but understanding?
Understanding is knowing why mine pull away.

I sat in rooms full of people who swore they cared,
but no one asked why my laughter always came half a second too late,
why silence fit me like a second skin.

They called me beautiful, said I was smart,
but never saw the way I flinched at echoes of my own thoughts.
They held me when I cried, but no one ever asked
what the tears were trying to say.

I used to think I was ungrateful—
to have love but still feel lost.
But now I know:
Love can be loud, can be warm, can be everywhere—
and still not speak your language.

So if you’ve ever felt this way,
like you exist in translation,
like love is the ocean but you are still thirsty—
I need you to hear this:

You are not wrong for wanting more.
You deserve to be understood.

Every stepping stone
With you, with us
Counts for me,
Does build trust

Slowly I believe in more,
Want to take in all of you
With my heart and soul
I feel safe with you, I do,

But out there the non existent dangers,
Created by my mind,
Are threatening enough,
To make many small accomplishments
Difficult and tough.

So I celebrate,
Every stepping stone,
With you by my side,
I believe even more,
I not only believe but I'm actually implementing,
What I learned all those years in pain and desperation.

The insecurity within me worries,
What If I'm just projecting some stories,
Onto you,
Putting my hope and soul in you,
Afraid to fall and shatter at some point...
But STOP
I need to let go of this voice.

Futile is the harming action in our minds,
It brings dissatisfaction, makes us blind,
It makes us lost and our potential fading...

But I believe in light within our hearts.

The symphony of empty spaces
Is filled with heaviness
It's happening
That often my heart races
Isn't it obvious?

My shoulders are shrugged-frozen
I'm feeling vulnerably-naked
My body's saturated by
Insecurity, it's shaking
Constantly
Making me believe
I was not enough
To truly live and love

Yesterday rediscovered
Where these feelings come from
Their roots were uncovered
In my childhood home

In those early years
Reoccurring fears
To lose a loved one..

Now, what happened back then
Is obviously over,
But my body still plays pretend,
As if those times would never end...

It seems as though I was stuck in those feelings forever,
Trying to fit in the modern world feels like a futile marathon,
Never quite reaching any destination,
My path can only lead me to obliteration...

The only question left is - can I handle this?
If I do have enough determination..
Cause to escape the abyss,
I will have to learn to fly,
This question is not one of a lifetime,
The action happens in the present moment by decision...
I shall embrace every feelings-collision.

Don't really know what I'm feeling
I'm probably feeling too much
Don't know why I feel so lonely
When every day I get your touch
Don't know why I feel numb
Numbing is a strategy
Thoughts these day get so tough
Having a heavy melody

Destiny of our souls?
Where is it written, show me,
My mind is desperate to know,
Where all this is gonna lead me
I am not ready yet
To give up on every dream
I know I keep steady
In times like these
I'm moving slowly

But with connected hearts
Art is not a real choice
It's a remedy
The only place that restores
My inner voice and my integrity

Does that mean I lack authenticity?
Maybe, out of necessity?
Maybe it's my conditioned brain,
Always wired to simply be afraid.
I've let confusion lead the way
In many of my decisions,
I've let anxiety lead me astray,
Make me lose goals and precision.

Now I am here and typing
Words in my phone from
The heart.
And I rejuvenate my core,
Feeling it's warmth,
Health being restored,
Every tiny step counts...

There's no way this depression
Will feed itself off of me.

The path is within.