Writing poems at night
I might
Dreaming subtle dreams
I would like
Diving deep into meditation
Everyday I experience pain-bration
In my left shoulder blade
And my upper back
There is no explanation
To that.
But today I had a breakthrough
Sitting still.
Breathing,
Feeling my aliveness,
Learn to feel...
Years ago
I have made a promise
I will not feel this pain,
It might **** me,
If I'm honest.
I ignored all bad feelings
Learned dissociation
Back then, I must admit,
It was a helpful creation.
But now, in adult years,
It's hard to cry those tears,
Which were suppressed,
Because of many fears
At home
In childhood years.
Painful sensations in my body. Probably physically manifested pain from experiencing trauma in childhood years. As a child when we are overwhelmed by difficult traumatic situations, we search for ways to escape. And mine was the dissociation. I remember sitting down and trying not to feel anything while bad things happened at home. It helped back then but had serious consequences for my adult life.