every part of me
convinced my heart that
i loved you
but in the end i only wanted to be in control;
i wanted to grip your hand so tight
you couldn't slip through my fingers
and i know that's selfish of me to say
but i don't want you to think
i actually loved you

because when i love,
i break; every promise, every foundation, every piece of your soul
until a broke heart and hazy eyes
are all that's left of you because
i don't know how to
love
without
destroying

maybe i jumped
too soon

~but you said you would
c
   a
     t
       c
         h
        
             m
                 e.

•|||°

i've been told i have
irrational fears of
drowning;
heights;
and burning alive;
but there's been one
situation where
i have fearlessly
faced each one
of these fears

i submerged myself
in your waves
fell for you and trusted
you would catch me
before i hit the pavement
and
i let the flames from your
fingertips touch my skin,
trusting you will not let
me go up in flames
so maybe love is the
only conqueror of these
fears
or maybe it's just
y o u

i've changed every lock on my home to keep you from
shattering everything i've built
so please do not come knocking
because it will take everything
i have inside
not to open the door and let you in.

this is the three seconds
before the floor breakd
and i'm pulled into the hurricane
of every thought inside my head

my head and my heart is at
war before i can call your name
but i think that
maybe this is ok
because now i have a 200 page poetry book
with your name written on every page
and the story of us written in ink
but i'm bleeding because the paper
cut into my skin a little too deep
and the words tore into my heart

i was too late to love you and
admit to you that you were the one
thing i have yet to give up on
but now my heart is only bleeding
on the edges of the words
"i don't love you"

now the three seconds are up
and suddenly i'm thrown into the hurrican my mind has created
in hopes to win against
the force of my heart

religion       was born
pure and    innocent
much           like us
and              now
it's as           sick and
***               ided
as                 we are

the stars weren't
the only celestial
bodies
that aligned.

our souls did too

•|||°

if my soul is
the ballroom,
then harmony and poetry
are [the lovers]
that danced
[past midnight]

with you,
every "i love you"
was followed by an
exception as to why
you can't

there's a certain
irony
for being unable to
put the love
for words
into a form of
ink and language

i've grown tired
of living
in a world
full of noise

when i first met you,
you were a beautiful
blue green ocean
and
your waves kissed me
before i fell asleep
and every night
i got used to
hearing you crash
against my shoreline
drifting me to sleep

but then one day
your body turned
a violent shade
of gray as
your waves roae
above me
before crashing into
me and drowning
my heart
in the waves
that once kissed me
ever so gently

my heart is colored
gray
by your all or
nothing
kind of love

•|||°