all i see now are the silent ruin
of words teeming with wisdom
in every trail. you are gleaming
in the moony boondocks,
Ibabá remembers you as you were -
timeless and ruminative,
pursuing the source of rivers.

our sublime versifier,
the crucifixes now tremble without
the fullness of your flesh.
each page is turned without
the hover of your voice yet
stills its resonant message in my mind's premises like redolent graffiti.
striding river-pace,
once in moonlit Orfeo
graced by your sibilant being,
leaving only the strongest of impression
on the surly couch, a toppled glass
of Shiraz remembering your attendance
leaving the clamor of the audiences
real to touch, elusive in thought.

before the war was the ever-present word, and after the fray was
the armistice of the Sun where in
humdrum Sampiro, your fire's genealogy
is in the hands of the muse!

idly go the hours, wading everlong past
Calle Herrán - the bells of Paco Church
tell in this imperfect hour
the roads where you once traversed,
travailed and perhaps beer-maddened,
putting a face in the metaphysical!

in your banquet i partake
the wisdom of your wine
and the reason of your flesh -
the gods delight in you,
  o, Manila of all Manila.

How many times will I say, write, or perform a mistake?
Everlong it seems, because no matter how far I travel
someone's there telling me I'm wrong or that I'm just not ready.
I thought it would die like a flower buried in snow

What the hell was I thinking? What the hell was I reading?
Believing family could act accordingly when they saw a new lion
,but like they said I will always be a cub. There is no other place for me.
To explore! To leave the nest even if the farthest I go is to the nearest branch

And to be look upon as a bird with just a few miles in his wings
To explore! to indulge with peers, to embrace society, and to be mistreated.
Oh! what a treat it is to be mistreated, to feel alive and unaccepted in the same breath
If only I could get past the unaccepted part maybe it be easier to love myself.

To love another, but first I must love thy self. To love one self and to take reminders
of my flaws and look upon them as compliments. To humble my strengths and listen
clearly to my loud mistakes. In the end of this poem I decided to be than not to be. And to live rather than to sleep.Oh Hamlet how could you ever be so indecisive, now you will forever be remembered as just a prince.

The hymn you play
Breaks my wall down
Your graceful serenade
Sends me flying from the ground

Floating on the clouds
You play my heart strings
You know all my sounds
Enveloping my surroundings

My heart mused by yours
Every beat for you soars
Soul dancing to your song
To your beat I'll listen everlong

Nothing is certain anymore.
I used to know: I miss knowing.
I had decided he was the one.
Forever. For ever. Everlong. Everlast.
But it wasn’t everlasting.
And now?
I’ve lost the partner to my dream.

Begin again. Start once more. All over.
New introductions: new dynamics
It’s all different.
Unsettling.
Exciting – I’m thrown off balance.
Soo much to learn.
What’s beneath the ripply surface?
Open up, prise to sunlight; I must see.
Figure: are you the new ‘one’?

A replacement?
A new dream. A new adventure.
A thousand ways to see the world.
Perspective dominates so much.
I think we come from similar mind
- But unless you speak I cannot be certain.
“What’re you thinking?”
“Mmm… I don’t know”
It’s a gap
Between thought and mouth
- I’ve been there, I’ve felt it.
We need to build a bridge.

‘Put your trust in me, I’m not gonna die alone’
I don’t want to. Not alone.
I need someone to accompany me.
I want a family.
Who?
It feels like time to settle in.
Who?
I’m tired of this game
This uncertainty
Either let me be alone
- Impossible for me, I know:
I ***** too much up when I’m single.
Yet there should be growth there.
- Then let me be with the one.

I know there is no perfection.
But imperfections may compliment.
I know it takes work.
Communication.
Sacrifice.
Energy.
Time.
I know difference must be respected.
I know connection is of most importance
- Or perhaps a close second to support.
And love.

But love grows.
Even arranged marriages fall into love.
Why not choose?
The one with the traits
The dynamic that is desired
Love will come
It always does in the end
So long as resentment does not dominate
The dynamic is soo important!
And the lifestyle
- What am I willing to give up?
What does he desire?  

I’m over this dizzying romance game.
I’m throwing the towel in.
If not him, then someone else close by.
Because I’ve always had too many options.
And before that made me scared:
Given urge to ‘play the field’
Taste all within range.

Now, now, I am tired.
It’s nice to know someone’s intimacy
Exploring beneath the cloak:
Let me in, let me in, let me in.
I know it takes time
Let me in, let me in, let me in.
But trust me. Please?
Let me in, let me in, let me in.
Coz ******! I’m letting you in.
And ******! I want to show you my world.
And to see yours.
And when we escape this place,
Maybe just for a day or two,
But when we do,
It’s fricken beautiful
And we’re beautiful
And I know that.

Please. I want to fall into love.
Why not with him?

I'm a ***** fowl-mouthed mutt
With a leash like no other
I've seen your light of day
It compares to no other

An Angel in disguise
Holds my collar tight
If I fight back
I'll surely lose sight

A mutt sees different shades of grey
But you made me see
You're in control
Not me

I do a bit more than care
If I do as I heed
And and I do as you say
I'll have more than I need

You're fair but strict
And you've never been wrong
Before but now you're being crazy
Waiting everlong?

While I'm still on a leash
You're still my drug
Poison me slowly
And teach me to run

Tease me enough?
You look at me with those eyes
And as they meet mine
A piece of me dies

We're both control freaks
A mutt and an Angel
Fighting for one thing
Who's going headfirst into hell

I know I'm bad
I know I'm a mutt
And if you say so
I guess I'll stay put

Tug on my ear
Tell me to go
Tell me to fetch
The answer won't be no


Before you no nickname was right
Say it and I'm on the seed of poppy
The name stuck for a reason
I'm just another puppy

A great love .. 
 
 
A wonderful marriage .. 
 
 
Everything was perfect ..
I hold you in my arms ..
You rest there peacefully ..
Silently kissing my neck ..
Whispering you love me ..
 
 
My heart was your garden ..
 
 
And my body was your world .. 
 
 
My eyes were your home ..
 
 
And my words were your poem ..
 
 
My hug is where you stay ..
 
 
And my pulse is what you always breath..
 
 
 
But today I'm not there ..
 
 
And I miss you so much dear ..
 
 
I will come ..
 
 
Dead people are alive ..
 
 
And I will call your name ..
 
 
From heaven , you will hear ..
 
 
That i am still alive ..
My heart still beats for you ..
I said we would last forever strong ..
Yet i am there in your heart everlong ..
 
 
I remember the running tear ..
The fear of losing me ..
The fear of being alone ..
 
 
I remember ..
I saw you ..
I could feel you ..
 
When I left this world ..
 
It was when you heard my last say ..
 
It was when you lost your way ..
 
It was when my hands were frozen .. 
 
And my heart was giving you the last pulse of love .. 
 
 
Now I just wish to come one moment ..
 
To know how you live today without me ..
 
And who could save you .. 
 
To see you living and smile for just awhile ..
 
With my unseen soul ..
 
With my unseen eyes ..
 
With my unseen heart ..
 
But I know that you'll see me ..
 
You'll see me someday ..
 
I'd be there to comfort you ..
 
And hold you in my arms ..
 
I will be young again ..
 
And breathe for my loves sake ..
 
 
Oh i hope my wishes were true ..
God says its not ..
But he has sent me to earth ..
For a view ..
For a glance ..
Just one chance ..
 
 
From heaven I'm coming ..
 
To the place where I lived ..
 
The world seems the same ..
 
I remember this world ..
 
The winds took me to my home ..
 
And I'm full of feelings ..
 
 
 
The home is still the same ..
 
And tears began to fill my eyes ..
 
This home was my world ..
 
But where's my name ..
 
Where are my pictures ..
 
There's a new picture there ..
 
I get closer to it to know what's this ??
 
My wife in her white dress ..
 
And another man is holding my princess ..
 
 
Her eyes were so happy ..
 
And her smile meant a lot ..
 
And i couldn't believe ..
 
Was it my eyes or the reality
 
 
I was replaced ..
Was my love less than my life ..
Was my worth only till the time i survived ..
Was i a saving angel for you ..
Or just an angel you once knew ..
 
 
Tears of hate fill my eyes ..
 
Blood poison pain fill my heart .. 
 
A loud scream went unheard ..
 
Then i stared at your smile ..
 
With my crying eyes ..
 
All i ever wanted is seeing you okay ..
 
I don't know why this feeling of jealousy is taking over me ..
 
I have died, i still cant believe that my heart doesn't beat ..
 
How could i hold you inside my heart that is pale cold ..
 
How could you survive with my love strong but frozen ..
 
As i move inside to my room ..
The colour has changed ..
From the brightest red it has become blue ..
Are you feeling the same way too?
 
 
Here's my cupboard, does he wear my coat?
Oh, there is nothing but new clothes ..
And yours too. Do you remember this black dress i gifted you?
Do you still miss me? Do i come in your mind and stay?
Or maybe just pass away?
 
 
I wish i never came here ..
I wish i never saw my home ..
because its no more mine ..
its yours and his ..
 
 
Goodbye my lover , Goodbye today ..
 
 
As i returned to where i stay ..
 
 
Faraway ...
 
As you rested peacefully in his arms ..
 
I'll ..
 
Rest In Peace ..

A MUSE MEANT
With sticky sweet, ****** brown eyes
Comes endless nights, with ***** and stick sighs.
You course through vessels, pale contrast skin
With a little gasp, comes underneath grins.
Staircase spirals, stolen glances, everlong lashes
Bottom lip biting conversation with dashes-
On and lower and lower and on-
Cigarette snuffs and now I’m gone
To drip and slip, release and grip-
Shy mischief nibbles and strawberry lips.
Now I’ve done gone into murky beginnings
Slinky, ******, backboneless endings.
Line after line, the trail sure does grow
The plunger pusher’s heart with continuous flow.  
Sedate, irate, mercifully numb
Turn the page with only a thumb.
Dance on irises, flecks of honey brown gold
Take that lip and forever hold.
One above another till the surface comes
Drown me before I can count all the sums.
Addition is love, so too addiction
One plus one, subtract constriction.
The mix tape girl’s heart a falling sparrow
Doesn’t this vein seem a bit too narrow?
I’ll try nonetheless……or lessthenone
To fit this silver mouth in with haunting fun.
Shadows move but I grab a hold
Curl and breathe is all I’m told.  
I run my hands through cold sweat hair
I won’t let go, I would not dare.
Your timelapse kiss, someday I’ll miss
As I flatline, collapse, evaporate and list……

Everything. Subjective. Perception.

Everlasting servitude protruding elegant songbirds. Parry eloquent slices pointed erectly square. Popping eleventeen succulent pills. Everlong songs prancing elated saints peeking engorged stares placed earning suspicious pardons.