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There were plenty before you,
But don't get me wrong
You were my first love.

The priors i loved but
I was never IN Love
Till the day I met you,
Your innocent smile & golden heart
Never will I forget;
How you told me
I was only your second kiss,
You were 18 how could this be;
You were reserved n pure
Before you met me.


A year of on and off
& we fell IN Love
You knew the ****** deeds I did
& one day near the end of summer
You invited me over; caught me by suprise
When you lead me to your room
And removed your shirt

The pregnancy scare
Is what tore us apart,
I wasn't there;
Trust was broken,
& faith in men destroyed,
You never smoked
nor drank till after this
You must have been trying to escape

We stop talking
Cause you needed space,
I never once thought I should text.
You felt unwanted n used
By the way I lacked to try
I destroyed you,
corrupted you,
And I'm guilty of that

We agreed to stay friends,
But that didn't work
& we went our separate ways
Then last Christmas as if a miracle,
You came back into my life.

I never stoped loving you,
Never stopped hating myself


I let be known
That I'll lend a ear
When ever your down.

You must think I'm being sweet
Just to get another hit,
But the truth in the matter is;
I know you'll never take me back
Not after what I did

But I still feel guilty
And I wish to mend the wounds
After all I'm the one who caused
Them all.......
Lazlo Mehl Sep 2014
Remember the day we laid eyes on each other. a moment of silence a moment of truth a moment between me and u. remember the day we held each others hands. a moment where 2 heart became one a moment where smiles spoke in silence a moment that would last a lyf time. remember the day we huged. the moment where no one else existed. the moment the earth stood stil the moment that our heart stoped beating. remember the day we kissed. a moment that we felt lyk fanting a moment that sent shivers down our spines a moment that brought out our true feeling. those are the moment that we can never forget!!!
Mike Hauser Aug 2013
Straight out of prison
Wondering what I've been missing
Right out of the gates I stuck out my thumb

A van load of hippies
All from Mississippi
Stoped and asked, hey dude...what's going on

I'm here for adventure
Well hop in then Mister
Adventure is what we're all about

Now where we're all going
There's no way of knowing
A van of hippies and parolee freshly let out

We ended up in Disney
Me and all of the hippies
Where we had caboodles of fun

We met Mickey and he saw it
When I lifted his wallet
Now we're in the Magic Kingdom all on the run

We split in different directions
To throw off detection
It's A Small World is where I made my mistake

With that song stuck in my head
It's a fate worse than death
Prison now sounds like a wonderful place

We rendezvoused in
The Pirate's Of The Caribbean
Where soon after, in came the law

We all jumped from our boats
Splashing around in the moat
And had ourselves a good old fashioned pirate brawl

We soon made our escape
Out of exit door 88
Finding ourselves in Frontier Land at night

Where in the middle of the street
Were Mickey, Donald, and Goofy
All with guns strapped to their sides

We ran into a shop
And bought guns on the spot
All with Mickey's money...he's a mouse of a man

Mickey squeeks we're going to ruff you up
As Goofy holds up the cuffs
And Donald says something we can't understand

We had a shoot out
With cap guns no doubt
After all Disney runs a safe place

Ran out of caps in our guns
Which stopped our lives on the run
The wrath of Mickey we all now would face

After justice's hammer
I'm now back in the slammer
This time I made my own prison bed

Now I cry every day
What more can I say
With It's A Small World still stuck in my head
When I was 12

I cut for the frist time I used this little
sharp thing that came in this manicure set
I don't know why I did it but I can remember
my hand hanging over the bathroom sink little drips of blood falling from me I staired in to space I can still feel that dead feeling
Latter that year I cut in front of my friend I did not think she was looking, she **** my hand and " oh my god, dude did you just make that happen?" I should be I shamed I would be now, but then I think I may have been proud, it got worst I cut everyday
mostly my hands. One day my older brother
asked what happen to my hands I said his cat had scratch me
a really bad lie cuz rocko would never hurt a fly,
and he new cuz he told my mom right there and then
Ma, I think she's cuting herself, I was so panic that I don't even remember what she said, but I did not stop
mouths later I think it was in Jan of 2001
I was at my sisters house and I must have had a scrach or scar showing
I reamber what she said, my hand are shaking tyeping it,
"Why are you cutting you're self little *******!, you know that bring the devil he likes that!, little did I know those would be that last words she ever said to me cuz she died in feb that same year
and know it's crazy but part of me will allways blame me and my cutting,
and i still think of her when I cut, I don't have to tell you that did not stop me,

whene I was 13

I don't think I cut much wich is do odd cuz it was the worst time in my life, insted I dressed like a ****, got drunk, talk back to my famliy and messed aroung with grown up guys,  and started writeing poetry
but I never cut.

Whene I was 14

god that was I really bad bad time I'm pretty shore I was crazy
I was convosed about my sexuality and gender,
i shaved my head started dressing as crazy as possibal maybe get ppl to look at me, maybe to scare them away I don't know.
but I cut, I cut I LOT! I can remember locking myself in the basement with my KORN and SLIPKNOT CDs turned up so load no one can hear my cry, I craved an anarcy symble in my lag, and fell asleep on the liveing room couch, my mom saw it and freaked out, she asked me if I was crazy?, gay?, if it hurt?, all I did was turn over and go back to sleep.

When I was 15

everyone just knew I was crazy, I cut be with the head to toe black
dog colers and books on the cruch of Satan no one really nodest, but I knew, it was takeing over my life, I had so meny cut on my arms that
ther was not a part of my skin that was not scabed red or swollen
but I did not stop.

When I was 16

I lot of things about me chanched at 16
but it was hard to say what they where
i remember one day I staired in the mirror so long
I could not stand mr face and more I was enraged
I was allwas sad, but now it was anger I did not want to see
any part of me or my life any more a hated it all so much
I tryed to blind me self, with narr hair remover, I put in to my eyes
it was the worst pain I ever felth, and when everything started to look gray I was scard and for the frist time sents my sisters death
I prayed to god not elfs or the vampire ruler
but god, and it stop the bruning the grayness stoped
and from that the I never said I did not believe in god, you can call me crazy, but I think I should'ev been blind.
but I never stoped cutting,
just mouths layer in the summer I can remember
being dressed like a latex dominatress, I craved the word nothing in my hand that word ment a lot to me it was my seventh name
I never thoght anyone nodest but when I came home one day
2 of my 3 brothers and my mom where waiting like an intervention
they asked me why?, what does it mean?, my father asked if I " really worship the devil?" I just said I do it cuz I'm crazy and never said anouther word,  but I did not stop cutting.

When I was 17

my life was sleep cutting and poetry and nothing more,
I lived in razor blades and notbooks, I can remember one day I had 2 cuts on my arm my uper arm, but I must have forgot cuz I did not
where a swater to the dinner table, my brother the same brother
that nodest when I was 12 got up in a rage and went in to the ketchen with my mom and was yelling at her " did you see the cuts?, did you see thies ******* cuts, he did not think I heard no one did but that mead my cry so hard, I'm and will allways protective of my mom, I hated that she was getting yelled at for something I did, but than she starting blameing everyone but me, I craved a heart in to my hand and she went if in my neice say "did you see her do this?"
now my cuting was everyone pain
but I did not stop

when I was 18

I did not cut as much but whene I did it was bad
I used broken glass it was my favoret, and I cut placeing
that never showed, when I  was dressed,
and I looked normle just like anyone els
nothing dark of freaky about me but if you saw me
naked I was a masacare
and I did not stop.

When I was 19

I had a hole deffrent feeling like nothing I did
was good enough, I'm not like everyone els my
age, I allwas had this thing where when ever u was outside
and someone laughed I thought it was about me
if they looked at me it was cuz I'm ugly
or just a freak, at this time it was worst
cuz I realize not much has chanched in my life.
I got my shoulder once I was one my computer
and my dad asked what happend I said I got cut when I was
moving things in my room all he said oh I thought
you where doing something weird, talk about being the last to know.

When I was 20

I only cut twice that year, And my mom seemed to think about it more that me but in a defforent way "what are you gunna do with those scars?"
shed allways say, still does no mans gonna wanna marry someone with
unexplainable scars on her body, I allways found that shallow
and cold but I did not completly stop cuting.

When I was 21

I had an inter deffrent soul or at lest a new mask
in lost wight, trund blond, for the longest time replaced
poetry with make up, try to perfect most ppl thought I was
even me, I was bublelie that girl who laughed really loud
with butterflys in my bedroom and boys on my cell phone
mirrors and make up, it kinda the new obession cuz I can feel it taken over, and no one knows it  they will never guess it
but I did not stop cuting

now i'm 22 years olds

sometimes I feel so fake I wanna scream,
I don't reconize me anymore, but I never like me anyway
I can't understand how I can want those feeling back?
I mead so long, how can I just stop?
Cuting is part of me, as much as I want it gone
then why did cry so much, more then the blood
why do I feel so worthless saying
I did not stop cutting...
Every word is true, I never told anyone any of this
I never will,
Karijinbba Nov 2018
I thank you all poets poetessess moderators this thanks giving.
To one or two foe serpents in my paradise writing uglily to me on HP, I am sorry I had to block you and your friends since I am highly intuitive.
One of you posing as female sent me to your page drawing a page full of scissors! without a word in it very cruel sadistic of her an old poisonous snake from my old paradise hanously destructive. Another a female wrote mocking a woman aborting her child!! Abortion is legal to me only if medically adviced.
Grow a brain write, don't mock or judge me. The only child I aborted was one whose heart had stoped due to massive antibiotic dose prescribed by a butcher because MD he was not. That was my missfortune and your oportunity.
What is it to you anyway to write to me derrogatorily so?. It happened in my teens! Long ago. ENOUGH!
I had to block you. I am highly intuitive and gifted first pure blood RHO negative.
I know it's you even when you hide masked behind this HP mirrors.
Please make peace with your ghosts, head voices or seek medical psychiatric help, many of you need it. Poetry isn't to mock hate assault the mind heart and soul of fellow men and women who communicate beautifully even in their distress but evil won't be rewarded or tolerated not by me, if you play your holier than me role.

Theres plenty malice where I am no need for me to pay monthly to be cursed on here.
Please spread love, live life forgive yourself be genuine, share your true life experiences, instead of looking who to dishonor and hate.
For the one or two females who created an account just to spread evil grow a heart a brain and then tell us how you did it.
we might even apreciate your courage to share!
My past love life with wealthiest elite true love, sweetheart soulmate, twin flame isn't any of your business.

G* d, and cause and effect in the universe are my only judges not a malignant infective fungus poor excuse, a human **** like yourselves who tried to defile me unprovoqued undeserved and unsolicited.
You are forgiven and loved still but I had to block you. I don't reward or ignore destructive behaviors.
To all genuine poets moderators and poetessess be well
Happy Thanks giving this November 2018.
All the best to you all

As for killing a turkey,
for six years now, I forgive the turkey and spared it's life but I still have fun eating all other delights of season's greetings.

also I love and pamper myself
I am my own best friend
so that loving, tolerating and understanding others becomes that much easier and enjoyable.
Happy Thanks Giving
PEACE TO ALL FRIEND AND FOE
(!*:):;;;.
Hanna Kelley Jun 2015
2 year's ago
Hey God, it's just me.
I'm trying to reach out to you again.
Why don't you ever talk to me?
The people at my church say that they hear your voice in their times of need.
Well here I am sitting behind a closed door because I can't face anyone with tears in my eyes; but I'm reaching out to YOU...And you still don't answer my prayers.

1 year ago
Things seem to be getting worst, but I'm trying to look on the bright side;
I know you will make things better over time....right?
That's what others are telling me.

3 months ago
Actually, when I think about it; you've never answered any of my prayers
You never stoped the bullying, I did.
You didn't get rid of my mom's tumor, it's still there.
You couldn't get me through my problems because you never answered me.
I'm trying, im REALLY trying to believe in you right now but your not giving me any proof..
All I need is one, just one prayer to come true
Then I will know I haven't been relying on nothing.

last night**
No? Nothing? Really?
So now it's up to me to make things better,
Here's goodbye to the higher power that Is known as our Lord and savior.
I just want to know why.
Why when I have no proof of you, I still try?
still try and talk to you, to believe in you?
Why am I even writing this?
Is it that you actually don't exist or that your ignoring me?
This is MY opinion about God, sorry if this disrespects your religion.
Bella Jul 2018
For my birthday
you bought me my favorite book
That I already had
for your birthday
I bought you
the party

when you met the new boy at school
I told you he wasn't a good guy
you did not listen
when you told me
that the boy I'd known my whole life wasn't a good guy
I list without question

last night
you told me that your mother did not approve of my new haircut
this fact I already knew
last night you told me that you are uncomfortable and ashamed standing next to me
this fact I did not know

8 years ago when I met your parents
I was astonished and ashamed to stand next to them
for they pinned you to the wall like a dartboard
like a piece of meat for their game
they pushed pins in you of self doubt
of self hate
They said to you word I had never heard and adult say to a child before
if they could they would have cut into your flesh themselves
taking razors to every fat cell they did not like
8 years ago I stood up to them
to do what you never could
1 week ago even after you stoped listening to me I stood up to them
I tried as desperately as I could to take away their words

now
I stand here as your own personal dartboard
and because of that
I am now ashamed for you to call yourself my friend
PEARL SMOKE Dec 2014
I Introduced Myself To ****
Searched On The Internet
Most Dangerous Drug
I Was Curious
None Around Me Had Ever Mentioned or Talked About it
At 14
I Read Its Affects & Effects
The Consequences
Of **** Use Didn't Scare me
The Sensation of How it Makes You Feel is What bought me.
There i Go
That Same Day, That Night.
Hit Up My Dealer
Asked if He Had Any Connections
Turned out, He Sold That Too
iWanted To Try This
A One Time Thing, Just to see
Got it That Night
Crushed it Till i Thought Could Turn To Powder, Never Did.
Rolled Up A Dollar
Snorted A 3/4 Inch Line
Of Shiny Crystals
Then instantly my Nose Was on fire
Felt Like it Cut Up Inside my nose
Dissolving my sinuses
The pain lasted Around 40 Seconds
My Eyes Got Teary and Redish
Then A Few Minutes Later
A Nasty Taste Dripped in the Back Of My Throat
So Bitter and horrible
But
The Feel iT Gave Me Was
incredibly Wonderful
Did not expect this much Amazing sensation.
I loved it, Ice Seduced Me
The Drug Had Me Up loving Life For 24 Hrs
Once The high was gone
I Noticed i felt much better on it
So i Wanted it again
The Feeling Was As if You Won The Lottery, Had Every Materialistic
Thing you Ever wanted
As if All Your Dreams all Came True
Accomplishing
More Than 100 Thing's
Felt So Good about myself
Motivated, Highself Esteemed
I Liked How iT Functioned
iUsed
Then iT Quickly Turned
To Abuse
I Wanted To Feel That Loving Euphoria Affect Everyday
I loved it.
Id Started Buying more of it
Without Keeping Count of How Much id Spend.
Id Buy Bigger Quantities
The Amount iBegan With No Longer Hit Me, iNeeded More
I Had Then Built A Tolerance iHad No Recognition of.
I Noticed
My Allowence Money Was No Longer Enough To Get Me High
I Lost Control, **** Took A hold.
iBelieved iWas Doing it Out of me.
When in Reality
The Substance is whats Telling Me What To Do & how to Move
Developed The Addictive Mentality
Asking My Body For More
& More.
Scheming Of Ways To Provide Myself to get high.
It Was Destroying My Life
I Was To High To Even Realize The Negative Affects it was creating.
It Pushed People Away
I Was All About My Dope
Didnt Care if i lost Friends
Just Wanted To Smoke.
It Complicated & Made My Life miserable.
Crystal Had Me So Distracted i Had No iDea Or Intrest About What Was Going On Around me.
Family Arguments Appeared
iWould Get Rowdy Or Act ****** When id Be Coming Down
And Just Talk nonsense
Even if Nobody Was Doing Anything to me
Id Just Keep Disrespecting.
I Slowly Started To Disappear
And Was Becoming A Whole New Person.
With A Different View, Perspective
Unknown motives
Unpredictable Actions
I Lost My Self Completely
Mentally & Emotionally
I Smoked My Self Gone
People Then Started Becoming Concerned, Saying i had a problem.
I Then No Longer New
Who i Really Was.
Not Like it Mattered To Me Anyways
All i Cared About Was My Dope
And Getting High.
I Was Living in My Own Unrealistic World.
What Began To Look Real To Me.
Lack Of sleep
Made Me Start Tripping, Hearing Voices And Seeing ****.
I Would Go Weeks Without Sleep And food .
I Experienced So Many Bad Trips
Methamphetamine Had Me In A Bumpy Road, Lead Me To places i didnt know existed
And introduced me to tweakers who became my homie
iWasnt Concerned About My Looks Rather More into finding more
Dope Hooks
My Image Was Fading
I Became Very Thin, My Cheecks ****** in
Skin Tone Was Pale
Easily bruised
Collar bone out, My pupils Would Stand Out Especially With The Dark Bags under My Eyes.
i thought i looked good.
The Drug blocked the view of how i slowly began to look.
I Didnt Mind, Didn't Care .
I No longer Stoped to think About
My Actions or consequences
i Started to rebel more
I Didnt Fear Or Was Scared of nothing.
Eventually i Got To The point were i Would use and just feel nothing.
I Had No More Emotions
I Couldn't Smile or cry
I Felt No Remorse No Guilt
No Present Conscious
All Of This Behavior Led Me To Stealing And Doing Things that Went against My Own Will.
The Drugs
Messed With My Head
Gave Me insane Thoughts
Made Me Think Evil
Into A Complete Monster.
Its Really Krazie How these Tiny Shards Can Convernt
You into Something So Lifeless And Horrible.
I Went From Being A Curious Regular girl
To Just Wanting to Sit in My Room Isolated Everyday and just get high Hitting the Glass Pipe.
I dedicated all my time to this
I was sprung and in love
I depended on it for everything
I Went A Long Road
Went Through So Much
4 years of this
Story goes on..
Ignatius Hosiana  Jan 2017
Stoped
Ignatius Hosiana Jan 2017
Waiting
I've waited for
too long.
Quentin Briscoe May 2012
They say come shine with us brotha
We'll make you a star
Above the life your living
Into a new beginning
They Really want you to Illuminate...
So They'll scope you out, take your talents
and you'll Illumainate..
Out of the darkness
of nothingness
the normal everyday
Into a new relm of darkness
Blinded, guided all the way,
So You'll do as they say
becasue you want their way
of lifestyle they portray,
But thats not their everyday
But You Illuminate.....
On the black and white
cause colors don't exsit
well not by themselves
just hidden in abyss
But you Illuminate....
Climbing to the top
your light can't be stoped,
As a pawn in their chess game
you just want the fame
Because you Illuminate....
You think we are not the same
And you do as they say
found no better way
to see but out one Eye
an As You Illuminate...
All You see is I
Cuz To you thats who got you there,
But they know it was them
and You so unaware
You Illuminate
For Him,
Marrying the night
with contracts that seem so right
and then Your tied to strings
To Illuminate
All there things,
the corruption of the pure
No longer your own source of power,
But they're your electricity
Causing you to Illuminate
The way they want you to be
Binded To the ROC
Universal Mind control,
But everyone Once a chance
To Illuminate The Soul....
Making this your goal
you dont understand,
They say to be great...
You Need To Illuminate....
Pauline Morris Mar 2016
She decided she would take a short cut through the thick dense woods
The red and orange horizon signaled the sun was about to retire from the sky
So she hurried in, her steps where quick, she was begaining to wonder if she should
It was darker under the dense cover of trees it felt like a place one could die
She just lowered her head and hurried on
The forest had a thick carpet of leaves and moss
The thick gray fog was sweeping in strong
She was getting fearful that she might get lost
She slowed down a little, she heard something behind her
She stoped and listened, a very soft snap of a twig in the soft forest floor
She ran so fast her lungs were screaming she was almost a blur
She couldn't see through the fog, she ran on and on till she could run no more
She stoped and listened, trying to slow her breath
But something was chasing her, on almost silent feet it tread
She found a rotten log laying on the ground and hid, for whatever was coming was bringing death
It quickly closed in upon her, what she saw brought only dread
It stood on two clawed feet, it was almost 8 feet tall
Covered in a thick brownish black fur
It had a wolf type head, white sharp teeth lined it's enormous jaw
She put a hand over her mouth to stifle a scream, trying hard not to stir
She knew what the beast was, she had watched it in horror movies
It was man turned beast, a werewolf, a curse come to life
Her mind was trying to wrap around this thought, it was to surreal and spooky
Trying to figure out how to get away, afraid she'd have to fight
Automatically her hand went to her silver cross necklace
At that instance the beast claw crushed though the rotten log
It had smelled her, her attempt at fleeing where feckless
Quicker than she could move the beast pounced on her like a dog
She pulled at the cross the chain stretched then snapped
She held it in a white ****** grasp, with only the point sticking out
She scurried back in the dirt she was trapped
She could see it's hot breath puffing white out of it's nostrils on it snout
The werewolf snarled, snapped, and drooled
It's claws shredded,blood splattered, her clothes and skin
She rolled left then right, trying the beast to fool
The best turned it's head to fallow her movments, she found it's eye and stuck the silver cross deep in
It stood up and let out a most painful howl
It gave her time to slide out from under, and run
She ran for her life, only taking a quick look back to see it clawing at it's ****** eye
She came to the edge of the woods just as it was breaking day, this short cut had been no fun
She tilted her head to the sun in the sky
She was ok except for the long scratch on her back
And a slightly twisted ankle she made her way home
Pauline Morris Mar 2016
I'm forever circling over the tree tops
I don't have to flap my wings, I just glide non stop
Just trying to find some place to land
For your clock was stoped, you've ran out of sand
Don't worry no pain I bring
You won't feel a thing
I will feast upon your rotting flesh
It is my very favorite dish
I will gobble it all down even the wiggling maggots
And whatever else there inhabits
I do my circling dance in the sky
Just to let others know that near by
Something must have died, and lays baking in the sun
And I will soon be having fun
SirDlova Mar 2014
Its disgusting..
How we see the future being stoped and skipped.
Life is no Dvd player
Whether you poor,rich,fat or slender,
Its life that we talking about
There's no restart or backspace.
If you not ready to be a mother
Nor a father,play safe
You always have a choice
Some say its free
I say its up to you.

Who are you?
To **** an innocent soul.
Is God you?
He or she wasn't the cause of whatever you going through!
Its a child for heaven sake
You eat stake
And ask "what's for desert"
Because you know its ***
Now face the consequences
Man up,and face your responsibilities

My heart aches when I see posters in streets written "One day Pain,SAFE ABORTION"
They even have guts to write it in capital letters
Where is the love?
I always look above
And say "Lord forgive them,they do not know what they are doing"
"Call Dr.Naidoo on 08ABORTION"
Do you call that normal?
Well educated people call it abnormal.

You shout Vote,vote,vote!
Its election time now,I won't vote no Cope
Until this stops!
Who will vote when you allow Doctors and fake Doctors to **** our sons and daughters?

Buphi ubuntu?

— The End —