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Echoes Of A Mind Feb 2016
I'm a selfdestructive mess
The only person
who I honestly hate
is myself

I want to crack the mirror
when I see
this green-eyed girl,
who looks back at me

I'm not her,
She ain't me
This is a fact on which
we both agree

'Cause I'm not sure on
who I am
I only know
That I'm no man

The only thing,
which I know about myself
Is what kind of music
that can make me
Smile
when I want to cry
and live
when I want to die

It cheers me up
when I feel down
It lends me a hand
when I hit the ground
But sometimes not even music
is enough
to cheer this selfdestructive mess
up

Don't worry
I'm not cutting myself
Instead I write on my body
with a pen
Lyrics from the song
which my phone play
heh, today it was the text from
Castaway by Green Day.
Umi  Nov 2018
Transient
Umi Nov 2018
Faith is for the transience to have,
To hold on to their, morale, their pride or their belief of justice,
While the sun already bid farwell to her warmth in this freezing autumn, the transience of their faith keeps them warm, ah phantoms,
And so time passes, beliefs change the path is redirected
The wind crosses over it, and alike a miracle revives those memories,
Of those who have already left and disappeared without a trace,
And of the ones who shaped anothers heart, with speech, with a gentle gesture or just kindness, shown to every and all kinds,
As I, who was too pure to understand the meaning of this wretched world together with its temporare selfdestructive problems achieved immortality, I began to understand that transience is beautiful!
Because transience meant living, did it mean that I was no more ?
This I cannot answer, however it is what you do with the gift of life that determines who you are, just do not get lost in the stream of time,
The smallest change can make the difference,
As for every kind is one kindness,
This, is a last remote.

~ Umi
k  Nov 2015
Untitled
k Nov 2015
Intoxicated, most of them
looking for empathy at the bottom of bottles and ends of cigarette filters.
Some, smiling a little wider laughing a little louder
Others more determined - blinded and stumbling, looking for someone to hold for the night

And friendships form over spilled secrets that would never leave sober lips and
for tonight,
we'll forget how forgotten we feel.

And you and your perfect words are close enough to seep into my skin.
And I say I'm fine and well,
But can't ignore how familiar this feels

I should be happy.

But the memories crack and bleed and I have to lock the gates,
burn the key
And protect what little I have left.

We were there, but not.
You were (are) iridescent
and spoke of pretty eyes and                           faraway planets
and your disbelief in
gods and bibles.

And I; afraidandrecklessandnaturally selfdestructive,
Allowed room for hope and lovely words and your smile.

You've crowded the place and its terrifying.
It's all nonsense,
But it's still my thoughts
It's all selfdestructive,
But it's still in my mind
It's all sad,
But it's still a part of me
It's all I feel,
But it's also all I know...

You can try to run,
You can try to hide,
You can try to get liberated,
But it will only be in vain...

We will all die,
An inescapable fact,
Let's make the most of it,
While we're still alive...

Even if I feel dead,
I haven't yet died,
I'll carry on searching

I won't hold my breath and die,
I'll continue to keep myself alive...
karin naude  Jul 2017
2017.07.07
karin naude Jul 2017
Healing from pain
Is easy
The hard
Not measuring others by this
Allowing each new person to bloom
In there season in your life
Only by complete forgiveness time and forgetfullness
Can this happen?
How to get there?
How to heal a lifelong insecurity and abuse
Yes they used me and then discarded
Yes they lied and betrayad me
Yes they healed but abandoned me
Yes they devalued me to fit in there box
Yes i was left to not return

This person is totally not them
I need to stop comparing him to them
Change my deep ingrained selfdestructive
Yet self preservative thinking
My only hope
The voice wispers but what if your feelings are wrong

— The End —