What's inevitable shall come to pass,
Go back, rewind rewind rewind
But, what's inevitable shall come to pass!

Picked up that call,
Went for the troll,
Never saw the car,
You thought was far,
Go back rewind rewind rewind
But, what's inevitable shall come to pass!

Moved out, moved abroad,
You didn't get the call,
Can now just nod,
For she had a terrible fall,
Go back rewind rewind rewind
But, what's inevitable shall come to pass!

Debit credit debit credit,
All the while,
Monet on her mind
All the colours she didn't find,
Go back rewind rewind rewind
But, what's inevitable shall come to pass

Red orange yellow and pink
Bride bride Groom Groom
Let the new now sink
Unsaid dreams though in gloom
Go back rewind rewind rewind
But, what's inevitable shall come to pass

Go back, rewind rewind rewind
To the beginning, change it,
The tiniest of them all, hit it,
Go back rewind rewind rewind,
Maybe just maybe,
What's inevitable might not come to pass!!

- Chetna

Lately I have been hanging your voice on my wall.
It came in ten different frames,
and I spent hours adjusting them
until they hugged the wall at the perfect angle,
their gilded bodies pressing against painted emptiness,
whitewashed space.

And when I feel nostalgia
twining around my veins like wild ivy,
I only need to reach out and –

“Hello. My name is –“
“Hello. My name –“
“Hello. (Stop.) My. (Stop.) Name. (Stop.) Is. (Stop.)”
“Hellomynameis –“
Do you remember that?
Did you know my hands shook,
that I tripped over words like I do
with miniscule cracks in the sidewalk,
that my heart stuttered
thumpthump thu thump thuuump thumpthumpthump
and how it hasn’t quite been the same ever since?

“I love you.”
“I love (rewind) – love (rewind) – I love (rewind)– love (rewind)– I love you.”
“I love –“
“Iloveyou.”
You thought you could pry me open
and tear down my walls
and then suddenly you did.
It only took three words to start a hurricane in my heart.
Did you ever notice the aftermath,
the broken homes and homeless souls?
I am still rebuilding.

I hammered this one into my soul,
can still feel the echo of your words
pounding away in my bones:
“Goodbye.”
“Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye.”
“Good…(clickclickclick)… bye.”

Rewind
high heels and disheveled clothing
smudged lipstick and missing belt loops
with splintered backs & frigid
fingertips
stumbling back into civilization
& back into being perfect strangers.
I can't even see you
through the oasis of crimson cups
& bitter smoke
my perception of you is askew
with your crooked smile and premeditated demeanor.
Am I delusional?
I think something happened but maybe
if I pour more amnesia
down my throat
by morning it'll seem like some awkward
dream.

Rewind
ouch
I wish I hadn't have seen that.

Rewind
we can hear your mother
in the other room but that doesn't slow
the race to peel out of our clothes
& hide under sheets and melodies
in the darkness
during the long stretches of deafening silence
I wonder what this means to you
I wonder what it means to me
I can taste the casualty on your lips.

Rewind. Pause. Slow Motion.
body/mind/melting together/chaos
instant regret
my throat tightens
allowing nothing but the minimal
amount of oxygen to keep my blood
stuttering through my veins
an earthquake pulls through my bones
& rips through my chest
nightmare
i close my eyes and try to wake myself up
breathe
you set me down on the empty
side of your bed
no questions asked
maybe getting ****** will make it easier to pretend
like this didn't happen
it didn't.

Rewind, play
it's new years eve
the moment I could feel the intoxication
roll through my body like a tsunami
a rogue wave slammed through the door
washing you up in this teenage wasteland
we float along avoiding eye contact
Almost as if there was an impromptu contest of who could be the least interested
I'm not very competitive
as the clock twists to the first few seconds of a new year
I press my lips against your mouth
searching for something, anything.

Pause
****.
I can't feel him or my toes
I need to get out of my head.

Play
the hours are moving too quickly
motion sickness
by the time I saw you again
my body was like a popped balloon
no one wants to play with the carnage
& neither did you.

Rewind
***** and whiskey are not my friends
my hair creates homes for small birds
as the black of my eyes smear
across my cheeks
if I had been able to move
without collapsing in on myself
or if the cold sweat didn't threaten to ingulf my pulse
maybe I wouldn't have clung onto your body
with such disdain but the smell of your skin
made the pounding in my head bearable.

Rewind
we're high
not the state of mind but relative to our position
our feet dangling toward
the distant rock and stream scattered ground
my skirt wasn't made for adventures
but claiming chivalry isn't dead
you kept your eyes fixed on mine
you told me if I got scared we didn't have to go all the way
but you've met at a very strange time in my life
I couldn't have turned back
even if I wanted to.

Rewind
it's two o'clock in the morning
the movie had turned to a silent film
as the wind had knocked the electricity from its circuits
I didn't want to go home
we were acquaintances
strung together by a shared friend
with flowers in her eyes
we ran through the moon lit streets
up a fire escape to dance
on the rooftops
we laid on our backs with your arms draped around us
trying to create a shelter from the chill of a coming storm
this was the first time you ever touched me.

Rewind
we're back at the beginning now
strangers, nothing more
I've been staring blankly at the back of your head
for almost two years now
the days blur together as we attempt to absorb something
resembling the French language from this miserable, decrepit
woman's so-called teachings
there is a phrase that has burrowed its way into my mind
"je ne regrette rien"
I don't regret anything

Fast forward*
things are starting to look like the beginning again
the fangs of futile complications
sink into my neck releasing venom
into my bloodstream which leaks into my brain
distorting my vision
everything around you is morphing
to become monotonous and colorless
my perception of you is wavering
& the phrase that has taken refuge between my temples
illuminates to fully reveal itself
"nous sommes des étrangers avec des souveirs et je ne regrette rein."
we are strangers with memories and I don't regret anything.

you pretend you've lost count
                                (feverishly, insides painted red and dripping-)
of how many times it's ended in "i'm sorry im sorry im so ******* sorry please come back"
"please listen"
"please dont leave"
(he won't and the door slams)

of how many times you've dredged yourself out of icy lakes to
grasp desperately at his clothes, his skin, his hair
breathing cold air into cold lungs, smearing paint onto his lips
to pretend
that this isn't another
                                                                (please god no)
                        
                                                      rewind

you tip the coffee to your lips, a dark brew, red dripping down the cup
and-
you know how this ends, but you always did, didn't you?

He's drowning hes dying someone save him hes drowning
hes drowning
              hes drowning
                             hes drowning
hes
always been drowning, stupid girl, didn't you know?
Didn't you?

sometimes the pills do it (32), sometimes the blades (48)
sometimes he just doesn’t wake up (25)
sometimes he climbs to the tallest building and-
                                                     rewind
rewind. rewind. rewind rewind rewindrewind rewind

you pretend that you've lost count
but you know
you always knew
that it would come to this, that it would end and
                                               (im sorry im sorry im so ******* sorry)
the only thing you could do was drown with him

sinking
sinking
sinking
into icy depths
watching
the fish swim by as your lips turn blue and his eyes close and your insides burn like a gallon of bleach and

you tip the paint to your lips, red falling from the corners of your mouth,
snaking down your throat, wrapping around your heart
you dredge yourself out of an icy lake and-
                                                      rewind

Find
Rewind
unwind your spine in the easiest of manners
our machine has cogs as far as they eye can see.
You can't see yourself fitting?
That's no problem,
we can fix that,
unwind and we will rewind
you and your way of mind.

Find
Rewind
Glue together your thoughts and make them a new song
make a new joy out of the sorrow you see.
You have been running from your dreams because your gut
your gut says "leave"
but even so you know you need to go,
rewind to a braver time
and find yourself
pick yourself out of the cog that machine broke you
to be in the shape, form, and spitting image of.

Find
Rewind
You there, you right there
you can come out of your *******
and into ours
you rang your bell when you're crushed to tight
but we don't care too much,
you are our profit, and no the margins do not lie.
Do you remember the last time you even rang that bell?


Find
Rewind
there are memories in that broken shell you claim to fester in
there's something in there.
I can see that little ray of sunshine in there,
come out of the machine that claimed you when you were broken
because "no one else wanted you"
but that machine wanted your
spine
your mind
and you don't want to rewind to the time
you were there,  because now you are comfortable,
But you have to find your way out my dearest friend,
because you are in there.

I think about old faces, you were a friend to me then
I try to think harder though, where have those memories been?
More faces coming through, sticking less with every pass
I can't say that I would hope that these new memories last.
Not in a sad time, not stuck in a place of hurt.
I just feel like I can't remember the good times to weigh the worth.
These new times, are something hollow, empty and void of feeling
No sleepless nights, but I find my self always staring towards the ceiling
So revealing, makes me notice my true emotions deep inside
Always telling jokes and laughing but right now we rewind.

I think about old faces, you were a friend to me then
I try to think harder though, where have those memories been?
More faces coming through, sticking less with every pass
I can't say that I would hope that these new memories last.
People say memories fade, others say memories last
I'd like to think that I could leave memories in the past
I don't want to cling to them like that's the only thing I have
But is it really bad? I guess you can say I'm home sick
Not missing my residence but missing where I've been
Reminiscing about the things that I have left on my journey
But they're not on their deathbeds, they're just on a gurney
Now do I save them, make sure that they are never forgotten?
If they start to fade for new memories should I stop them?
I feel like I need to answer quick, like I'm running out of time
I could keep stressing but right now, we rewind.


I think about old faces, you were a friend to me then
I try to think harder though, where have those memories been?
More faces coming through, sticking less with every pass
I can't say that I would hope that these new memories last.
I miss the days where I didn't have to miss my days
Where I could express myself in different ways
But this is today. Prattling words to my self
Not sharing my feelings, not sharing the wealth
I vent in stealth, not letting all the friends of me hear it
As if I'm ashamed, like I think my enemy is my spirit
You're hearing me in these lyrics, I'm embodied in the words you see
This is me in these lyrics, feelings and words, you see?
So if you're feeling my words, that means you're feeling me
So if you think that I'm a clown, this is the realest me
So this is real you see, no false words from the mind
I could keep on going but right now, we rewind.


I think about old faces, you were a friend to me then
I try to think harder though, where have those memories been?
More faces coming through, sticking less with every pass
I can't say that I would hope that these new memories last.
Where does the time go? I feel it slipping by me
I feel like my biggest problem now is I keep rewinding
So you may find me, reminiscing about the time before
Or catch me on a good day and I'll be rhyming more
Keeping myself in good spirits, while I find the path
Watching my life just add up, because well, life is math
Memories fade, because we subtract those things from the past
But it only happens to us, because we have something to add
So nothing is bad. Memory? I'll live all the good times with it in me
How much space do I have for the good times? Infinity.
No more time to rewind, I guess I have nothing left to say.
I guess the only thing left to do now is. Press Play.

You’re undecided whether you like me better blonde or brunette
it doesn’t matter as my hair is dying and coming loose.
I’ve abided to the unspoken terms of complete regret,
I made my bed, I’ll lie in it, tucked in tight as a noose.
Lifeless eyes that are overwhelmed with saggy lids,
so very tired but they’re still searching for a spark.
Feeling unwanted and rejected but still accepting bids,
but I belong on the sidelines and kept in the dark.

We can talk to each other about anything and everything
as long as it’s spoken in non corresponding code.
I’m at a dinner party fasting with nothing to bring,
at the wrong house on the wrong road.
You’re trapped in the maze that is my mind,
and that place may just become your home.
I’d direct you out if there was an exit I could find,
but even breaking down the perimeter reveals a dome.

Won’t you please be kind,
and please rewind.
Travel back and find,
the roots where we bind.
Stained from tear streaked flushed cheeks
and shredding through each line,
months became years but first days became weeks
and I still reply “I’m fine.”
It gets weaker every time.

She said “if your scared of ghosts then you’ll hate falling in love.”
It’s like an empty house and you’re the host
but there’s noises coming from above.
Every single door is closed
no matter how persistent you knock,
and you’re left feeling like you’ve imposed
on the person who convinced you to walk.

You can keep repeating it,
until you start believing it,
but my dear, we both know the real deal.
And I’ve been retreating in,
pouring out and bleeding in,
I’m already dead but when will I keel?

Won’t you please be kind,
and please rewind.
Travel back and find,
I’m half deaf but fully blind.
My home’s become the floorboard that creeks,
and my heart’s a vacant gold mine,
months became years but first days became weeks
and I still reply “I’m fine.”
It gets weaker every time.

A star never falls the same twice
and each week the moon has a new face,
I’ve been treading carefully but still slipping on ice,
I thought it was the tortoise that won the race?
And now my heart is booming
and beating straight out of my chest,
cardiac arrest is looming,
it’s been too long since it’s had a rest.

In all my over thinking I’ve never had a wishful thought,
this will be the last time I’ll wait around to see.
In all my over thinking I’ve never been satisfied with what I’ve got,
this will be the last time you can explain it all to me.

So my teeth grind, please be kind and rewind.
Maybe I was blind, please be kind and rewind.
Yes I’ve lost mind, please be kind and rewind.
Made beds to which we’re bind, please be kind and rewind.

All I want is a rewind to those times
When we talked for a long while
Seated under street lights
We were always together at nights

Staring at the moonlight
Our minds were filled with doubts
About what our future seems like

Then it went viral
That we were together
You asked how

I still don't know why

And it all sums up to now
Thinking of how we drifted apart
It was just too fast

But that was all in the past
All I wish for now is a rewind
So I can win back your heart

I really need a rewind ......

lets rewind...

back to the time we never met,

before our first "hi" and "bye",

before our first hug and kiss,

lets rewind a bit further, we're
still not there,

lets go back in time,

before your first layed your eyes
on me,

lets rewind,

no matter how much it hurts- don't stop...

we'd be better off,

this is our last goodbye,

lets rewind and go our separate ways,

forget about me in this lifetime and remember me
in our next,

just take the pain away,
so there's no more heart ache,

lets stop rewinding, we're here,

here's our last hi and bye,

our last hug and kiss,

the last time you'll ever lay your eyes
on me, this is our last everything in this lifetime,

but before all this ends, i just want you to know that..
i love you and we will be together in the next life...

now your heads held down, hands in your pockets.... and the saddest thing of all is that your walking away with tears streaming down your beautiful face..

I've seen them come
I've seen them go.
The aftermath
of a heartless show.
They're steps ahead
while you're steps behind.
Their echoing footsteps
your peace of mind.
Rewind, rewind,
rewind, repeat.
Eventually
you're alone with defeat.
Unless you change
your way of thought.
And learn self love
is where love is taught.

I have tried to write a heart breaking poem, where people feel what I feel. I have tried, but last night as I sat in front of my type writer, trying to figure out what to say, I realized I didn't feel anything.
I am hollow.

You took every emotion in me. You took everything and the only thing remaining is the memories I have of you.

Like the day in the car, where you hand strummed along to the country song on the radio on my thigh.

or the time you sang "Whatever it is" to me in my living room.

You were scared, You feared what we were becoming. You became too scared to look in my eyes because you felt something different. Something you can't place, You still can't.

Was it a friendship or relationship, but now watching me flirt in the show choir room with people who aren't you, something about that makes you feel sick.

And that look you give me across the room leaves me hopeless and confused. How ******* dare you look at me with those eyes of yours, they once said goodbye and now they look at me like I am ripping your heart out,

Rewind.

Can we rewind.

Rewind.

Your hand in mine, Lips on my cheek.

Rewind.

"I like you."

Rewind.

"Hey I'm.."

Rewind.

No more pain.