Rewind high heels and disheveled clothing smudged lipstick and missing belt loops with splintered backs & frigid fingertips stumbling back into civilization & back into being perfect strangers. I can't even see you through the oasis of crimson cups & bitter smoke my perception of you is askew with your crooked smile and premeditated demeanor. Am I delusional? I think something happened but maybe if I pour more amnesia down my throat by morning it'll seem like some awkward dream.
Rewind ouch I wish I hadn't have seen that.
Rewind we can hear your mother in the other room but that doesn't slow the race to peel out of our clothes & hide under sheets and melodies in the darkness during the long stretches of deafening silence I wonder what this means to you I wonder what it means to me I can taste the casualty on your lips.
Rewind. Pause. Slow Motion. body/mind/melting together/chaos instant regret my throat tightens allowing nothing but the minimal amount of oxygen to keep my blood stuttering through my veins an earthquake pulls through my bones & rips through my chest nightmare i close my eyes and try to wake myself up breathe you set me down on the empty side of your bed no questions asked maybe getting ****** will make it easier to pretend like this didn't happen it didn't.
Rewind, play it's new years eve the moment I could feel the intoxication roll through my body like a tsunami a rogue wave slammed through the door washing you up in this teenage wasteland we float along avoiding eye contact Almost as if there was an impromptu contest of who could be the least interested I'm not very competitive as the clock twists to the first few seconds of a new year I press my lips against your mouth searching for something, anything.
Pause ****. I can't feel him or my toes I need to get out of my head.
Play the hours are moving too quickly motion sickness by the time I saw you again my body was like a popped balloon no one wants to play with the carnage & neither did you.
Rewind ***** and whiskey are not my friends my hair creates homes for small birds as the black of my eyes smear across my cheeks if I had been able to move without collapsing in on myself or if the cold sweat didn't threaten to ingulf my pulse maybe I wouldn't have clung onto your body with such disdain but the smell of your skin made the pounding in my head bearable.
Rewind we're high not the state of mind but relative to our position our feet dangling toward the distant rock and stream scattered ground my skirt wasn't made for adventures but claiming chivalry isn't dead you kept your eyes fixed on mine you told me if I got scared we didn't have to go all the way but you've met at a very strange time in my life I couldn't have turned back even if I wanted to.
Rewind it's two o'clock in the morning the movie had turned to a silent film as the wind had knocked the electricity from its circuits I didn't want to go home we were acquaintances strung together by a shared friend with flowers in her eyes we ran through the moon lit streets up a fire escape to dance on the rooftops we laid on our backs with your arms draped around us trying to create a shelter from the chill of a coming storm this was the first time you ever touched me.
Rewind we're back at the beginning now strangers, nothing more I've been staring blankly at the back of your head for almost two years now the days blur together as we attempt to absorb something resembling the French language from this miserable, decrepit woman's so-called teachings there is a phrase that has burrowed its way into my mind "je ne regrette rien" I don't regret anything
Fast forward* things are starting to look like the beginning again the fangs of futile complications sink into my neck releasing venom into my bloodstream which leaks into my brain distorting my vision everything around you is morphing to become monotonous and colorless my perception of you is wavering & the phrase that has taken refuge between my temples illuminates to fully reveal itself "nous sommes des étrangers avec des souveirs et je ne regrette rein." we are strangers with memories and I don't regret anything.