that i cry when i don’t want to
and can’t when i do
that people think i’m fine
when that’s so far from the truth
that i smile and laugh
at school during the day
but alone at night
want to cut my troubles away
that i have friends who care
when i either can’t or won’t
that they love me unconditionally
even when i don’t

i dread the day you learn
for the first time that
you can't just love all
the darkness in me away

and no matter how much
you care i will still toss
and turn at night and scars
might still appear on my skin

i dread the day you realize
that you can't cure me
and sometimes all you can do
is stand next to me and
hold my hand through fog
pouring out of my ears so black
and thick we can't even see
each other's faces

i dread the days i can't
get out of bed
the days you want to
take me out and all
i can manage is a prettified
shell of myself

i dread the day you learn
that sometimes no matter
how hard i try i still can't
pull myself together

the day you learn that
there isn't an answer
you can give that will
save me from my fears

you aren't the first person
who has tried to love the
darkness inside away
my family and friends
have given it their all
but someday you too will learn
that if love could
cure mental illness
the world would be
a much better place

Scars are the words from within,
That we could not release.
Words are the feelings,
That need to be heard.

humans move too fast
to truly appreciate our world
we make hasty decisions
that affect and lead our lives
in the opposite direction we want to go
yet we don’t care enough about it
to do anything to change
our harmful ways
we’re living our lives in the now
with no respect for the past we lived through
or the generations after us
who will live with the realisation
of the regrets we didn’t realise in time

Rain on me,
I have been longing to be free.
Lost in my world, needlessly.

Rain on me,
I am tired of fighting but I will not sleep.
I refuse to be reigned and I refuse to be a sheep.

Rain on me
and show me the way.
This place is empty and I cannot stay.

Rain on me
because it has been too long.
I am sick and tired of pretending to be strong.

Rain on me,
I want to see the lightning pierce the sky.
As the thunder roars and the clouds fly.

Rain on me.
Let the winds take my mind to another land.
No one needs to know and no one needs to understand.

smell the smoke
permeating the air;
see the clouds of black and white
decorating the wind.

the fire is within me:
it burns steadily
but it does not destroy anything.

nothing of importance;
nothing that is not already destroyed.

as a child, my parents’ comforting
words washed over me like
wave of the ocean, soothing
the wounds left by harsh,
immature names, and i marvelled
at the difference mere words
could make and how they
could change a life

as a teen, my parents’ grating
criticism and unthoughtful words
about the mistakes i make and
the grades i bring home
rub me the wrong way
like dry sand between my toes,
and i try to be the bigger person, i try
to walk away, but with every step
the blisters fester, and soon enough
the wound is too large
to be healed anymore