i am
     soft like a
     ***** sponge
     burning soapy water.
          the others were calling
                    i tried to reach you,
                   you told me i should.
                                          but you
                                              never
         ­                                     answered
                   ­                      so i left alone
                                      because i am
                                     soft
                                   and
                                 able.

today
      smells of
              cut grass
                 stuck to
             flesh
     in the heat of                                    
       summer                           you
                                             tasted
                                          so
                                     familiar
                                   and i
                                  thought
                            your glass
                       would shatter
                             if i laid
                            my hands
                               on you
                                    so
                                     i'll pretend
                                         you're a ghost
                                                instead          
                                                  and say
                                                     something like
                                                      my river
                                                       is on
                                                     fire

you've always acted like gravity, trying to keep my feet planted, trying to stop me from floating out because we both know I won't be an angel. but that never mattered to me.

I swore to you I was trying but you always kept me covered; embarrassed by the way I tore myself apart. mother, I was just trying to see the constellations. I was just trying to find something beautiful inside of me. it's so dark in there, I forgot about the blood.

you were always angry that I could never be quite as robotic as you. superficial; that my values didn't fit inside a handbag. I draped my body in black everyday preparing for my funeral.
I'll be dead soon.

I kept waiting for you to say something, to protect me. but you just watched as I ****** evil through a straw with bags under my eyes; as a ****** of crows perched at my bed waiting for me to be brave.

And I'm sorry that you ever had to shake your daughter and tell her to live or get a call from the ER. I'm sorry that I ever blamed you for my shattered reality.

I'm sorry about 2012.

"strange"
                                                 is declared
                                                  of person
                                         who rationalizes
                                                that­ matter if
                                         non-human
                                         non-animal
                                         non-living
                                      merits recognition
                                      as being good
                                      on it's own

                                      but really      
                                         are we
                                         the ultimate stewards
                                               of absolute purpose?

                         what confirms                      our judgement

                                        in deeming what deserves
                                             to exist for it's own
                                             and what belongs
                                                 to our means
                                                           ­                 and ours alone?

                                      is it so fantastic
                                                  to suggest
                                      that by some means of
                                                           indefiniteness
                                                  ­of intangible
                                                                ­            comprehension
                                                all matter
                                       is fundamentally intertwined
                                               in the sense
                                            everything is stardust
                                             created by
                                                                ­   the universe's omnipotent hand?

                                      don't you
                                                 ever get the feeling
                                      inside of your conscious
                                                       ­           too?

                                      doesn't your awareness
                                               ever whisper
                                                   as a sentience
                                                you have an obligation
                                                from some unspoken contract
                                                    sign­ed before birth
                                                  to uphold the integrity
                                                  of everything
                                                  that­ inhabits this earth
                                                       whether or not
                                  it thinks in the way                                       you do?

                                      for what purpose
                                           we exist assembled into
                     abrupt                 profound               togetherness
                                      remains       ­      undecided

                                      earth's fabrications
                                                 will survive
                                               harmoniously
                                      but
                                will you
                 do the same?