I hear the vacant screams within my mind, I wait for the day to melt  into the sublime.

How did I get so sick? The devil Parades my existence and pokes my sensitive skin with a stick.

I value solitude, just enough to devour my loneliness, this wretched illness I suffer alone, I pray to my soul to take me home.

You can’t ask me what is wrong,
because it’s always something different.
You can’t ask me why I’m acting this way,
because I can’t explain it.

I will tell you I love you,
and for a while my voice
will echo back the stone walls
of your throat,

and then I’ll find myself alone
in a taunting, repeating cave that lies.
It doesn’t matter that you say you love me,
or that I believe it.

My love is strong and deep and fiery;
it imprints itself like a brand on my own flesh.
I imprinted on you, like a mother duck to her
babe, or maybe it goes the other way.

You can’t ask yourself what went wrong
unless you want to come down with
me, briefly, into my net of nonsense
and mental illness.

There you’ll find my mother,
and the time in the first grade
when I was molested,
and the time I stepped on an ant

and cried for ten minutes.
Listen.
I am a wave, an ocean wave.
I crash and roar, I nurture and heal,
and tear myself down
every time I breach.
I will take you in my warm
embrace, and we will for a while
float, but the time
will come
when I will have to drag
you against the glass-sharp pebbles
at my gargantuan belly.

sometimes i get tipsy
on all the fermented reasons
we worked
and
call the dizziness love.
fingers locked
in familiarity,
still trying to escape
the spaces of us
that didn’t fit.
trembling thoughts
colored in hues
of please stay.
jaded,
eyes green
with envy
at the mention
of you leaving.
blankly staring at the
outlines of not enough.
we were two silhouettes
scribbling words
like
forever
on souls so easily
wiped clean
by goodbyes.
married to the unattainable
we made a home
out of the hot soil
beneath our here & now.
hearts refusing to cave in.
ineffable
is the distance
between the reaping
of those who remain
long enough to
battle life’s sinners
and deaths whispers.
sacred:
let me make a poem of you.
say i loved you
like holy scripture.
an elegy
between ghosts.

curled wrists folded within crumpled sheets
heartbeats gently flutter beneath my skin
drunk on dreams as I nestle
further and deeper into oblivion
however my mind is choking
mental reminders of things past
objectives to complete
work to be finished
I, bleary eyed, weary *****
assume a vacant mind
fixed to a beat body
mess of movements, mess of thoughts
3am is so unkind
to a lonely longing mind

I loved the bitter taste,​​​​​​​
I miss the dusty air I breathed.
But time has come to give that up,
To let go of my chemical scars.
I will bandage myself up,
Repair my lonely hear,
And leave my old life of war,
For a calmer future.

I made my mistakes,
But my mistakes have not won.
My blood will never be pure,
But the evil has been killed.

Embellishing letters with ribbons
but those can't appease
the rotting words that lay unsent
in dusty drawers of masked regret.