I don’t normally share my personal life with strangers, but for some reason, I never got my chance to do it. She was always the first one to speak of how we met, the things I did for her, and whatever about me she loved.

My sophomore year in high school was coming to an end. It was late February, and my friend Jared and I were in biology class at the beginning of lunch. We were talking about nerdy things like volunteering at some event after school. Just two young 16-year-olds hoping to lend a helping hand. And that’s when she walked into the room, radiating like an angel from heaven. Her blonde hair was glowing immaculately, her crystal blue eyes had a shine, her skin looked smooth and soft, but the one thing I noticed most was her white, clean teeth with braces. Haha. I fell in love with her smile and laugh as she walked into the room. Her giggly and bubbly attitude caught my attention first. That’s when Jared introduced me to Julia. I threw a few jokes into our conversation and held her eyes with mine, just hoping she noticed my undivided attention to her every word. Standing there with her felt like forever…

Times changed; she and I came to the realization that we were just two people destined to meet and help each other through our past. We broke up after my third year in college. She went to India, and I joined the Marine Corps. Since then, we haven’t spoken to each other in a little over four years.

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
                                                      i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

BY E. E. CUMMINGS

The nights are long and cold,
I only see you once or twice.
Still, my heart is not satisfied
not content of just the beauty,
it desires more than a silhouette
that my mind shapes of you
when I close my eyes at night.
The stars do not shine bright
not enough to image your eyes
and never enough to satisfy;
my darkest secrets of you
hold it’s place in dark skies
where words are not heard
and lust is at its highest peak.
Your voice enchants my heart
and vibrates through my soul,
only if I can feel your touch
it would feel like the sun
caressing my cold body,
and only the warmth of you
can keep me whole.

Sweet love takes most time
when you're waiting for the one.
Still it doesn’t come
the way you expect it to
for love has no time to meet.

One day we’ll meet
for the soul has one to match;
that’s when we have met,
then our soul will feel complete
and eternity feels near.

Then endless sunshine
with white clouds covering the land,
slow warm breeze blowing
deep into our hearts of spring,
and white rose growing for love.

Purity of us
feel like an eternity;
for our love has met
and the endless search cease.
No love will feel greater than ours.

Take me slowly through the night
where the light is low like candlelight.
        Only in a blink of an eye;
I dream of daylight shinning bright
seeping into my eyes when they are tight.

What a beam of light?
                      Oh, wait. Just a trick in my eye.

They’re false dreams that I seem to forget
the promising signs of one I might not get.
         Only in one’s eyes that they do see--
are nightmares that one feels fidget
to become the reality and turn into hogget.

Which road to take--what is the truth.
Only to know my heart splits into two.

I see the immoral convictions in front of me
do I dear to believe them to be true to me?
This false fantasy has to be inception of mine
or ‘tis just a state of one’s mind to dine...
Anywho, anyhow.
Why does one condone, what is not true
to whom we are to be the truth
but falsely fantasy is also expected of thee.
For we are fools of the school’s tools
the system is rig of this tools
from the schools to the fools;
because we are merely but a rabbit,
hiding from the snake's taste for bait.
Weak and feeble we are!
‘Tis to be true for the youth
and generations come to pass
for we will stay
the way
‘tis.

Give me something to look forward to life--
so I can dream like I used to as a child;
innocent and young where my mind is not poison,
let me look forward to something
instead of nothing when I'm away from home.
Too far away for my heart to  care--
seems like my soulless heart has lost it's way
through this dark cloud of field.
Give me life, give me something to look forward
in life.

In a tiny bubble of clouds
a thought begins to formulate
drawing pictures into dreams
then words forming to art.

Those were the time of light
seeking through those eyes
that once opened while dreaming
during the days of glory.

Now those dreams lay in the night
deep inside and smother in darkness
where the eyes remain closed
and dreams live in regrets.

Forever those eyes remain closed
it was the only entrance for dreams
to come true--nightmares to vanish.
Forever dead inside the heart.

I wonder sometimes
If the days get cold
would you think of my warm hugs
underneath the moonlight skies
where we laid together
and loved each other?

I do wonder sometimes
and more than I should
for my love hasn’t forgotten
your touch
your kiss
next to the fireplace.
When we giggle
or tease each other
until someone got mad.
Most time it was you-
the face you made
the wrinkle of your nose
and the silly face you made
would cause me to laugh
making my heart beat
faster than a hummingbird’s wings.

Do you wonder sometimes,
if the time I gave you was ever enough
or the silly gifts that I made for you
truly came from my heart.
The pain inside
doesn’t seem to cease
and my mind continues to dream
of your passionate kiss
and touch.
The pain growing inside
more than ever,
which has put me into submission
and my heart can only continue wondering,
why did you leave me
without an answer
or acknowledgment
of goodbye.

When the stars turn fiery red; she will triumph in my dreams,
and the shaded color of gray sky turn into burgundy, which
only true fellowship will surface the sky with white clouds
and sweet serenity passes through your body like massive waves.
Vibrations be lead into your vein, pulsating smoothly and quickly
as it pumps deep to the cores of our soul and heart bearing just.
Thus, that be-ith her only action to maintain tranquility in life
for the cup of the innocents has spilled all over on Earth’s dirt.
She has be harmed and contaminated by human filth and decay
For cleansing the substance of life be unsafe for Nature to nurture
it be [man]kind’s piggish ways. Let us sink to life lowest form.
For the harm has been done and good has turn wrong.
We be the fault to our own existences for Nature’s bidding;
Mother knew us well, but we did not for it be our dark ways
clouding us of idealism for prosperity and fortune for properties.

I dream of the days of glory;
so men could find it daily
to inspire those who are down.
When no one is around,
may life leave you it’s foundation of beauty.

Beauty inspired by the art of men;
who dreamed so large to mend,
what was broken in death,
be brought back into depth,
knew that life itself was larger then God.

May we extend ourselves farther than god,
because the radicals of evil violate the good.
The intentions of men
be wiser then The Ten
so we can live in the days of glory.

Stagnate in the most disposition of this life,
Slowly turning the **** to shut the door behind.
Where the sound of the smacking metal clicks
And the cycle of stagnation continues again.
Is this my doing, my incarnation bring?
Is this my slow trending’s doing?
Now, awaken the beast inside,
For since the time of preadolescent
Which I had no control over.
Vulnerable to have foreseen the truth
That this beast will emerge once again.
Devouring the mind’s weak spots
Leaving no trace of my humanity insight.
For this life was better off with the door closed
And possibly never seeing that light shine.
For no door is worth opening to or whom—
Stagnate in the most disposition of this life.

the foolish sheep plays in the snow
while the farmer looks new ways for us
the wolf lurks beneath the shadows
while the child plays near the house

time to see what was soon to be thought
the wolf lurks beneath the shadows
time passes by and wolf begins to move closely
the wolf begins to make its move towards them

I watch from afar

ominous presence lurks from the shadow
the sheep plays careless with all other sheep
ominous presence shadows upon the farm
the farmer hears the child’s cry from afar

sudden silence

the foolish farmer cries out ****** ******
and the child watches in fear for the farmer
the foolish sheep take off the other direction
and the wolf begins to devour its prey

I pull out my phone to record

the child looks for guidance
the farmer waits for assistance
the sheep begins to play foolishly

I post my video for flame and glory

The more I spend time with you, the more I like you.
Is it wrong for me to fall for foolish love?
The more I get to know you, the more I fall for you.
Is it wrong for me to want to be with you?
Then please don’t let this linger on…

I can only say that life seems so boring here for me,
but if you were to be a part of this life of mine.
I can only say that life would be full of joy for me,
but if you were to deny my existence and love.
Then please don’t let this linger on…

Because the more I dislike my desires for love,
then the more I will push myself away from you…

Your self-righteous really bothers me
to the very core of my sinful soul
which you don't seem to realize at all
because you’re so consumed by your own ego

I wish you had done some self-evaluation
because you don't speak for all
thinking that you do
being so defensive
for others
when many or all
are not offended
we don't need your "saving"
but if it makes you feel better
especially about your past
then just do what is right
especially when no one is watching
because we all know the truth
you have difficulty doing so
your history shows it
your culture
your people
and lies

your narcissism really bothers me
regardless of what side you belong
because you don't seem to understand
that humility and shame goes a long way.