You used to like the word **** until it was screamed at you with sheer malice
You used to like green tea until a mug of it was thrown at you and it shattered against the wall
You used to like smoking until a cigarette scorched your skin
You used to like letters until one was never sent back
You used to like adventures until you got lost
You used to love me
You used to

They found her body;
At the bottom of the ravine.
Said she jumped in the night,
that she never looked back.

I wonder if anyone ever understood her,
I wonder if they even knew her.
Did they know she was hurting?

They did not care that she was gone.
They closed the case and called her dead,
A text book suicide, no victims remained.
Call the morgue and have her tagged.

I wonder if they knew,
About all those she hurt when
she died and left them behind.

Comfort the sobbing parents,
Watch her sibling misunderstand,
Send the family away,
And never think of her again.

My mother’s head had been cut open,
But she had felt the splitting since I was an infant
Crying out from my trundle bed.

Then I was sixteen and still crying out.
Let me explain;
I couldn’t express that I was aching,
So I’d tell them my mother was.

But no one bothered to ask me if she was alright.
A friend of mine told me, frustrated
That people get attention hungry
When the slightest thing goes wrong.

It’s true, I needed attention.
But I don’t know why the word is so hated
Lurched off the tongue like lonely girls aren’t worthy of
Some common human kindness.

That shut me up
So I had nothing to say
Save one dismissive mention
No one bothered to ask me if I was alright.

The worst part is
The splitting feeling didn't go away.
Her pain is worse now
That I am nearly an adult.

The sympathy for my mother vanished
Faster than the money she spent
To lie in a hospital bed,
Wrapped in a paper gown.
The sympathy for me was never there.

Youre nothing sick and sad
Eyes dark as old blood
Skin pale and cracked
Breath of vomite and bile
a voice that makes ears bleed
Skin and bones is all you are
Disgusting and vile
Others may not see it
I know its true
Remember when I loved you

I have developed a twitch in my body-brain.
It jerks at my organs and my violet thoughts.
I can control it to make it work,
Use it to dance on your rusted metal cogs.
It's like a spinning tree,
With interwinding pine cones of
Gold that hang from satin branches
He is perched up there again!
Tall and proud.
Not a bird like other animals.
Not an animal like other animals.

I know your most shameful thoughts,
Let me tease out the guilt and despair
Pull it out in worm string from your
Bloodied Guts,
Your gilded towers where you lock them away
Shame on you.
Bell chimes three times: Death call
But blue tears still cling like sharp thorns to brassy plumage
plumes plumes plumes

Frère Jaques, Frère Jaques, Dormez-vous? Dormez-vous?

Slumber not next to the satin tree,
Layered under the shrieks of your old loves
Where they suffer timeless tortures that make your tongue
Taste like fish feed.
Poppy breathed inside his beak-jaw, mongrel!
White faeces stain the satin branches again.
Bloodied, bloodied, bloodied.
Pandora makes you bleed
White faeces.
Leech, your brain is a leech-vampire.
White faeces.

Quick, walk around the tree three times in clockwise motions,
Not like a tick-tock more like the flap of a wing.
Do not forget the tear ink,
Her tears were ink,
they were ink,
ink, ink, ink.
Sink into the poppy field!
Churn in your toxic nutrition
Choke on your reflux
Do not taste.
Do not see.
Do not smell.
Do not touch.

Darkness crossed the road
Held out his arms for me to hold
I jumped in and cried "You're my only friend"
When will this end?

We saw the light
Fled astray
"We can't go there" the darkness said
Stay away.

I can't see where I am going
I'm not positive of where I have been
Everything I have ever done, has been labeled as one word
Sin.

I can find a friend in you
Just show me the way
Even in the darkness
I will not pray.

"Where is everyone you need them"? I asked
"They were never really there"
Darkness told me the truth
I don't need you.