How do you
Forgive yourself
For all the
Things that
You never
Became?

This girl I met in the bathroom at the bar put glitter on my eyes.
I only met her 2 min ago as we passed at the stall.
When I came out she was reapplying her lipstick and she casually says
"I think this would look so good on you"
She walks over and gently rests her hand on my cheek as she puts it over my eyelids,
I see stars fall out of my eyelashes
And she says
"Amazing. It was meant for you"
She tells the girl behind me she loves her hair color
And we all trade smiles.

This is the universal language of a woman.

i spend my days
pouring myself into the cups of others

only to find that
when it’s time for myself
to take a sip

all that’s left
in my cup
is the remainder of a girl
who gave too much

My entire life,
I have been waiting.
For years,
Almost two decades now
I have been waiting.
Waiting,
For the better parts.
Waiting,
For the “soon”.
Waiting,
For my life to begin.
Because,
I don’t feel like I have lived.
In the nearly twenty years
I have been alive
And breathing
I do not feel
In any of those years
That I have been alive.
I don’t feel like a single breath
That I have taken
Has been real.
I feel as if
All these years
I’ve been stuck
Behind a window
Watching as my life unfolds
Before me.
I feel that
I have had
Zero control.
That I am in the backseat
Letting someone else drive.
That someone else,
Is writing on the pages
Of MY life.
But no more.
I will break that window,
I will take that wheel,
And I will write
My own pages.
My life has begun,
And now -
I’m in control.

Crashing like an ocean marauder,
Dragging me into open waters.
Engulfing me in love so infinite –
Falling into depths,
So intimate –
As you drain my last breath
Yet denying me,
the horrors of death.