a sharp sense of unease
growing inside me
anguish!
an icy grip
is rising up from my guts
I perceive a liquid flowing
relentless in my tissues
is crushing  my lungs
compressing  my heart
the space available to me
suddenly
become narrow
the horror
arrives in my throat
taking my breath
my dry mouth
bites of a thousand pins
irritate my skin
I have to run
I must run away…
I need some air
a scream invades my mind
I don’t know why
I still don’t know why
but I feel it!
I hear you!
you call my name  
you say you love me
I feel helpless
life that lets you down
an icy mantle
covers me
I slumped to the ground
while
a distant voice
calls me
but I know
I know it all
I love you too
I whisper to the shade
slipping away

There are many ways in which a person can be broken,
And many ways in which a person can be healed.

And pain shows itself in various platforms.

Some people numb their pain through entertainment, or ***, or drugs.
Other people allow their pain to be felt,
Through music or writing or art.

Some people lash out because of their broken parts.
Whether it be through rage, physical or verbal,
Or tears that tear them open.

And the only way to truly heal and learn from
The things that break you,
Is to feel them.

So hold the memories of what broke you close to your heart,
Remember the things that were taken with a grain of salt.
Maybe they weren't as good as you wanted them to be,
As you remember them to be,
Maybe it wasn't all it was cracked up to be,
But it was still there,
And it was still yours,
And it was still important.

It is important to mourn,
Important to grieve,
To remember the loss,
Because it was part of you.

And maybe that's what pain is entirely.
It's all some kind of loss.

But we gain new parts of ourselves
After every loss.
And maybe that's important.

To think God hates you when you are sad.
To think you can forget Him when u are glad.
To think you can build a life on foundations with flickering quakes, tremors.
Tick the talk, walk the tock; a clock with no timer.
You forget about the ladder when u reach the top. No.!
To feel you are the island, to fill your mind with hot spot thoughts, Stop.!

To dream a dream
That is hard to forget
In the mist of clouds
It disappears like a sunset
Ebbing away with clarity
Reverting in my desperate mind
Like it’s a mere charity

Oh the beautiful dreams aren’t true
Knowing them is better than having no clue
The subconscience is an inconspicuous beauty
Like the roots of the tree
Entangled and buried beneath
Its beauty is hidden
Its thoughts forgotten

To dream a dream
Is finding your love
Then losing it soon
It’s the inward eye’s beauty
So beautiful, so resplendent, 
When you wake up, you soon swoon

I’m tired I told myself
In which sense, I wonder
Physically?
Mentally?
God forbid, emotionally?

A man is not very tired
He is exhausted, very is a lazy term
A man is tired from dreaming
But a man is never tired of dreaming

It takes a lifetime to tire
And no time at all
“So what do you want?” I ponder
“A moment of peace and quiet” I snapped

“From what” the brain argues<br>
“From this mess which is life” the heart explains

I am sick of pointing fingers at demons
When we all know we have our own reasons.
we use those reasons to make decisions
And when we make a mistake and there is no one to blame,
Our pride is at stake and we hold on to the shame.

I hold on to shame, for every single thing that has happened.
Fear of being found ***** being found in the gutter,
will you ever realize where i come from.
My roots lay deep in the cracks
of a place far darker than you have ever waded.  
And my limbs and leaves will grow and stay green
Long after all of yours have faded,
and then you will leech the life from me,
and i will find myself jaded.
Hopefully then you will see,
Why give and take are mandated.

I can't catch my breath
I can't grasp your death
Living on without you
I simply don't want to do

I can't stop the pain
I can't stop the rain
Pouring from my eyes
Every heart beat is a sigh

I can't stop the grief
I can't stop the disbelief
You're everywhere I look
You're not a chapter you're my book

1-We were searching for warmth where there was only ice to find
2-We melted the ice in our souls and just caused an Avalanche in our minds
3-We were two broken people hoping our together would make us whole
Forgetting the rule of magnetism, repulsion of like poles
4-your Heart just as mine was a wide gaping abyss of a black hole
5-No matter what we did, some holes could never be filled
6-We tended the big wounds from the past, but the scars unlike the wounds could never be healed
7-Everyone said love like ours often ended in tragedy, that romance is a rose, and roses flower and fade
8-that all hellos come wrapped in their goodbyes, all beginnings pimped with the lip gloss of endings
9-that we were just another beautiful Titanic yet to encounter an iceberg and sadly we believed them
10-we didn't know that none in history ever chocked swallowing their pride, so we held on to ours as our love slipped away
11-We had bright futures left behind thus lived trying to rewind the chronometer
12-We had an obsession for art and sought sanctuary behind stories and books
13-We thought life could be one beautiful fairy tale, we thought the ambiance would be picture perfect
14-We wanted an escape from loneliness rather than to complement each other...
15-We had the best *** in the world, but never ever did we make love...
16-We always trusted facts yet some lies hold together what is broken by the tremors of truth...
17-We were accustomed to the freedom of dancing in the thundering storm so the manacles of comfort felt so uncomfortable
18-We wanted to find forever, when we hadn't crossed tumultuous bridges in the moment...
19-You were a little girl I expected to act like a lady, you pictured a man in the boy I will always be...
20-You wanted flowers, I wanted powers, you lived your life, I had mine but we ached for ours
21-It was love at first sight, we thought we could live happily ever after in a matter of hours
22-We were just frustrated by the grip life had on us so we thought we'd find the key in each other...
23-Fooled by her beauty, like Icarus we flew too close to the Sun and forgot the glowing orb of desire does burn
24-You developed a blister in your ******  that needed nine months for the doctors to help it out of you, if we squeezed it prematurely you could bleed to death... and the catechist's voice kept reminding me that doing so was itself a sin...
25-I was too young to understand that such blisters didn't ****, and the law didn't help...
26-My father didn't tell me it took pleasant pain to be him, or he probably did but I was deafened by hormones
27-Your mother said she told you and you kept contradicting, she hit you everyday and my testosterone couldn't take it... so I hit her for you, you hated me and I ran away.
28-We never loved each other, we were all running away from something, and we mistook us for a destination...
29-You had big dreams, I even had bigger dreams, the two kept sparking each time we tried to connect...
30-You squeezed a boy out of you and left him at the mercy of his blind grandmother and the tickles of cuddling infesting jiggers...
31-I blame you for having me disowned and ending my education, you blame me for everything.
32-You moved to the city, so did I... Met someone else, so did I.
33-We meet once in a while and you act like Miss world and I keep silent because I don't even have words for you.
34-Am working to get my son, you're doing everything to keep him a secret forgetting that some secrets can never be hidden, especially those with a mouth...
36-I wished I had never known you, you hated that I took your virginity...
37-Once in a while you return to my bed and I gladly welcome you, after which you cry and I comfort you
38-That's all we can be to each other now, a consolation for the melancholic love lives we are experiencing.
39-We both hate that we are apart but know we can't be together
40-For like it was before, we know everything about love but nothing about loving...