As the window grow older than the webs wrapping
A young boy stares in gloom
The view outside gets older
Dry leaves and wet flowers
Rain pouring as the sky grow in tears
He saw all outside are washed away
Sulking soil turning to mud of new beginnings
Birth of the sun at the end of rain
What he had inside remained
His old room
Plagued with random past thoughts
Boxes filled of love, regrets, and all that is still…
Covered in walls
Restricted dreams left under his bed
Only a window to view reality filled with fantasy
Seeds became flowers that bloom
Trees getting stronger
Storms ending…
A new day come as the old washed away
However…
The boy looking through the window
Remained…
In the shadow of his old room and ways

I was a rock
I loved you too much that I thrown myself into your ocean
Thrusted my body towards a vast space and felt the air
Felt the motion of your waves as I slowly follow gravity
Found out what it is like to move in a fast pace
Then Slowly drop down..... make a splash...
Gently embrace you
Soak myself wet
Suddenly I can't feel any weight
I felt like I am a part of you
I am a part of a wide ocean
Drowning like a feather tossed in the air waiting to touch the ground beneath
The water was consuming me
Filling my spongy holes
Totally no space for air...
Still falling deeper and deeper
So dense that I have become vulnerable at any moment
My hard sturdy body has become a corpse in your vast ocean
There is no way out
If only rocks have buoyancy
I would float and never drown
And i could love you without dying

I am confused
Following through the road map of life
Trying to move on from places
Places built in bricks and cement
Houses made to feel less like a home
The road is long and tiring
I have been walking it all my life
The distance I've made got me myself
Counting each step with black heart
Restless each minute of time
When will I ever stop
I find it hard to find comfort
Knowing that each of each of what I have
Will be gone the moment I rest
I cannot afford the luxury of relaxation
Nor the price of love
I am a traveler and i walk this path
I need help
I am confused
Following the road map of life
It is like following the stars above the sky
Knowing you can only follow it
And holding on is.... Impossible

Laying in bed tonight
Asking a thought if I'll be alright
When you finally let go
When i finally go
When our hearts don't care anymore
Time fading away
Our path lead to different directions
You crying on the phone
I seeing the future and you're gone
Sitting on bus rides each morning
No hand to hold
Alone facing the window
Wondering about the past
I slowly die deep
Slowly we begin to sleep
With eyes closed hearts open wide
We see each other only in dreams now
In state of grasping moments
From memories that used to be real
Now a piece of fragment
Of how we used to be
How we started
How we fell apart with a word
A simple "goodbye" we made
From kisses to silent tears
Turning our backs
Leaving behind you and me

I saw her line fall flat
It was a sign that she's not turning back
A while ago i checked on her
It made me cry a river

I asked a question
But her silent told me everything in her position
A sound I'll never hear again
A beat that skipped a thousand repeat

I long to see
Her being with me
But all acts are nothing now
She has bowed her last show

I waited for her to come back
But it was a time to accept the fact
That she is no longer breathing
And she is in the great unknown just smiling

I wanted to say goodbye
Not knowing she already did
Like the last song i never heard
From the stereo i always listened to

She was and still the best
She deserves a rest
Rest in peace
When my time comes to an end
I shall see you again...

I want to breath but I'm not allowed to
I am suffocating with everyone else
Their voices are ill
I can't find no comfort
It is excruciating
Feeling the stabs of guilt
All the emotions are loud
I have not spoken though
Not even for once my ache
I am tired and sleepless
Finding a home i am restless
I hate them
I hate myself
All the anger i felt inside
I wanna cut myself open
Let it bleed
Feel the draping blood of agony
Curse the idea of healing
So painful
My mind is injured
Every bone i have is breaking
I cannot understand
I want to feel
All the emotions i can have
But this is all i have
I am scared for life
Chained in the burden of living

I used to feel free
Doing things like climbing a tree
Looking at the view past my insecurity
Pointing my fingers to the sun
Running around with no care
Feeling the emotions with sincerity
Painting my imaginations with silence in my sleep
Placing the moments inside so deep
Believing the great unknown
So hopeful in ways that is known
In morning songs the melody of my heart is revived
I was taking one step at a time
Making use of wasted time
I was good at staying alive
Letting myself breath in the greatness of world

As i lay down in bed
I have thought about thousands of words that infected my head
From my brain to my actions
Dazed and confused
Been hearing the same things
Feeling different emotions
Oh... So heavy
Decoding each phrase
Encoding each meaning as wounds
An awful way of truth

I am beneath my skin
I hide myself within
What you see is my body
So real like everybody's

There is war within me
The clashing of authenticity
What makes the ideal
Who am I that is real

From my skin to my bones
I am tough as stones
Deep inside I am alone
I am no king sitting on a throne

I am free from chains
But a slave to the influence of chance
Falling for the hope of unknown
Trying to pull myself closer to be known

The darker my heart gets
When the light illuminates
Who I am is what I think
In my shadows I am at sink

Everything I see in the mirror is reality
Untouchable but seen
Scared from the feelings
The shadows that live within

As the bone of the body decay
Everything in the world remain
The Cycle of words polluting the air
Continously sleep walking in circles

People looking through the unknown
In stranger places
Less cruel than the crowded home
A place where pain is tolerated

All the way down
Feels like hope is gone
Everything has just gone wrong
Journey had become too long

Today I felt the loneliness
Standing alone by the hall
Holding a bag and waiting for someone to call
Walking home with my shadow
Passing by people talking
Going to my house with shoulders down
Straight to my empty room
Face the  wall in hopes of escaping
In hopes of letting go of this life
Ending the pain found beneath
Lay down face the roof with questions
Who am I?
Tears fall down with each word being said
Shaking hands touching things around
Thinking if this body exist
Thinking if there is still a heart within
Each emotions are rotting
There is nothing clear of what to feel
Only the voices outside become real
I become invisible each day
Each morning
Each time
Each and every each of what i have

You
You are someone
Not everyone knows you
But you have feelings
Not everyone cared
Not sure if somebody does

You
You are special
Not everyone is like you
But you keep trying to become them
Not owning what you feel
Not standing for what is real

You
You are priceless
Not a single soul could know your true value
But you keep selling yourself
Not believing you aren't for sale
Not knowing you can't be owned

You
You are alive
Not everyone are given the chance to breath
But you keep wishing you are dead
Not seeing how blessed you are
Not realizing that you exist

You
You are you
Everything is a part of yourself
But not everything can define you
Not the world
Not the solar system
Not the things you do
Not even your name
Or the words that are spoken about you

You
You will always be who you want to be
You will always be what you have been
You will not be defined
You will always be you
You are the only one given a chance to live like you
And you is the perfect thing about you
Because you can't be replaced
Even if the world keep trying to make you erased

It is a feeling
I felt it for the first time seeing
Never thought i would experience this rare meeting
They say it is once in a lifetime
I say it remains even if all we have is fading time
I wasn't aware that these unexplainable feelings exist
It is something so precious yet short
A sensation you can't resist
I failed to respond to it
But it still taught me the way to fit
It brought the pieces together
Knowing that being complete means finding another
How sudden it was
So briefly it last
10,000 words i need to left spoken
A few just lasted in that right moment
Now it says i must be dreaming
Because i was looking for a shot
Finding the sentences i hope end in dot
A dot for all my unknown emotions
Answering the question mark to what i am feeling in these sensations

I was in the woods
The trees were dying
My world was crashing
All the route was leading to places
And i was still found homeless
It was like flying while drowning
Nothing to hold on to
But keep struggling to see through
This is too messy
I try to be ready
Instead i become unsteady
All of a sudden i am cutting trees
Separating the branches
Leaving the roots
Trying to pull myself out of the crowd
A crowd of plants feeding me with dead leaves
Decaying my body
And still there is nobody
I am starting to wonder if there is really someone
Or am i the only one
In the woods
A forest full of steady waving tree bodies
Careless, staring.... Rooted in to unknown
Will i find a home
Or should i be forever searching
Escaping something that maybe everything
And nothing have sense

When I look at you i see the day
A morning where a few of my life will be
Slowly it will be dark as your promises
I will see the dawning in your eyes
The threshold of hope above your chin
The lies within your illuminating path
Guiding me in a sea of anything
Random clouds will pour beneath you
For the ray of you aren't perfect
You are still forever shining
But living under you is blinding
How hot you could be yet in a cold way
So good as necessities
Burns in a million sunburns i felt agony
Why am i awake when i see you?
Why do i sleep my life away when you're not around?
It got me twisted
You are someone i love to have
But i need to accept that some point
Too much of everything can be bad
That the world is spinning
Some things are going to be missing
And when i look at the sky at night
I shall remember how the day used to be
Back then
Every time when I look at you

If i don't leave now
And stay in something so great yet so empty
I will lose myself
Eventually after losing me
I will lose you
This time
Forever

Every chattering sounds i hear
Feeling the departing vibration from your feet
I have missed them
But i have lost
The thoughts are fear
The looking back aren't any clear
They used to wake me every morning for work
Know they haunt me in my sleep
It's gone
Why
Why when i hear i become blind
A measure of time can't give me comfort
Misfits of my conscience are beginning
Stepping out of myself like you did
1....2....3...
Nothing has become of me
Like the footsteps faded
Be an echo
Pressured by the weight of the whole body
I can't change anything
Though i swear i can't be honest if i did everything
I used to say goodnight every night in our bed
Know i say goodbye in these lines
Be gone echoing illusion.......

I knew i was chained by past
I regret making myself a prisoner
Self inflicting in moments of confusion
I keep pulling the pages back when it's time to end the chapter
Very far i keep pushing myself away from that lonely place
But this face keep smiling
While my heart keeps talking that it's time
I don't know any cure
For a moment can't be erased
And scars can't be just gone?
These illusions are continually growing to become real
The small bruises has come to be a disease
I am fading into these oblivion
I never known that a burden could last a lifetime or so
But never i have realized
That all i need is a pill of letting go
Never knew i would find healing
In just by moving
Being homeless again
And just looking through the next journey
It must be a different view without a me and a you
Until then everything is just the same

I have perfected the art of drowning
Letting myself sink to the bottom
Feeling the suffocation
Over.... And over. Again.... and again
The torment in my skin
Salty taste in my mouth
Blowing the last bubbles before letting go
Making my body less of a human
It's so quiet down here
No voice to hear
Even my own words can't be spoken
So peaceful yet so haunting
Able to move my body but keep touching the same things
Keep feeling the same emotions
Hesitant of finding help
Waiting for my lungs to give up
Just be gone
Be the nothingness the world has never known
My mind is calm yet frustrated
The future is so blurry for it all will seem to be the same
Oh... How simple it is
And yet
so complicated

Therefore the shadows are seen
I cannot touch them
There is no fixing the invisible
It can only be an illusion
A quiet demand for change
The echoes are getting larger
Larger than what the heart can contain
Who I am can never be known
Only by name
It's too sensitive
Less friendly
You can drop the tears and leave it as ghost
Or rip it out and lose a soul
It cannot be cheated
All it can do for you is hate it
Scary it could be
But all you can do is trust the unkown

I was walking by the isle
Drifting through the sea
Finding a river
Looking for a tree
Then a thought of a home

Forever be finding?
Never good for settling
They called me ****** heart
I say nomad

I fought to live
I took the rocks filled the walls
Finding a soul
Trying to call the places a home
But their just houses
I am nomad

It was a Saturday
I thought and wish that i could stay
But i was freeing the fears
Letting it all express itself in tears
It was time to stand up
Walk and never stop

Of course i have thought of looking back
Time traveling to the near past
Be stock and remember how fast
How fragile to be stock
But all of it will just be a part
Something that can no longer stay in our heart

Now I'm one step ahead of us
I'm 10 feet below me
It's all so quick as the bus
I don't see how it will be
How can i stop the bleeding
When the pain keeps on giving

It's all pitch black like the untold
So steep, so high, so cold
For a moment it was pain
In memory it is love
For now it's falling
Tomorrow keep moving

So it's Saturday

I have nothing left to say

It came out in fire
But burned by water
Drowned inside my blood
Running and dripping
One by one i counted
Falling falling falling
Playing the old sound
Crying the same drama
A whole in my soul
A part from you
Apart from them
Stripping away the last time
Hungry for the first time
Oh my yesterday be reborn
Tomorrow i will see myself torn

I tried to stop the tears from falling
To hid the wounds we once tried to pause from repeating
Kinda like our lost pitty hug
I could still feel the empty embrace choking me for no reason
It was still a yesterday in my mind but a tomorrow for you
I wanted rewind but the buttons of the past no longer exist
I still live the dark days of the dark places where i got trapped
I wanted a fastforward out of this beautiful tragic movie
A happy ending would have been great
A sorry goodbye for an ending would have been fine too
But all i got was just lost clues of how an ending could be played forever in a painfull way as if it was just a background outside the real view
Now i have thought of this through and through
It just ended like....
It never really even started at all

The things we do not see today
Will lead us to our tomorrow

Now I see the sky is blue
And here I go thinking of you
My heart felt like none of these are true
Cause you are now with someone new

Then i remember the bus rides in our trip to 2nd. Chances
But all you did was treat me like a ball that bounces
Now I caught the memories with every tear and ounces
All i ever asked was your last forgiveness

You said sorry i can't anymore baby
And all I thought was infinite maybe
You left me out with misery
And all I heard was sorry your out of my priority

Here i am again and again remembering
Feeling the lost past suffering
Her voice in my head is like an alarm keep ringing
And I can't seem to stop myself from believing

She's gone
She's in the arms of someone
I no longer feel another one
She's finally gone
She left me hanging hurt and undone
I don't ever wanna see the sun in the blue sky when it run
It reminds me that she was with me just for fun

The lava will flow
So shall the water
Don't grow in pain
Make that a choice

The silence got a heavy price
The pause that cause unwanted applause
It jiggles from the freckles in your heart
Clinging a heavy sac of blood beneath the moment
Rings the tone of a cold heavy embrace
Chills by nightmares by unpleasant stares
Awake no sound
For the silent view will open the darkest remnant
Pause a while in the shatters
Clap for the untamed voice of yesterday forecast
Quiet for the silent moment can call on you
Don't make no noise for it shall be screeches unkown
Listen well in silence
For the wake of all your chapters will open again
Never pour the storms for they shall never see the suns
Try to put the rain for the calm indearment shall pass
Try to put all in silence
The view will come slow
The moment will fade
It will show the mirror with nothing to reflect to
Be quiet
Be still
Now
Your
Gone

Write
Write it all out
Put it down in a paper
Make the paper feel even if its numb
Put the ***** you hold back in a white lined wood
Call it the stroke of a hand
Or the confusion of the hands
Put it in and leave your misery on it
Let it slay the rocking heart of yours
In it are written thoughts you hide to peek
Its an art
A dangerous art of making a sense out of the confusion we hide
Write It in the paper
Read all it and leave it in your sheets
Publish your minds disease
Spread the plague of words to their hearts

Tonight i ride the couch we used to sleep in
The moments where our eyes met their binocular view
You were there in front of me
Your heart, your body,
The soul i yearn to grasp
The beauty I can't stop my mind of thinking

Right there
Her pause of words inhaled my oxygen
The sound of her voice became my ringtone
Awakening the memory of love and heartbreak
She's there
I felt her, I touched her
She was the flower inside my lifeless garden

Right there
The look she wore that dark dreamy lovely night
Staring through my skin deep beneath me
Her face turned red and the sign left me clueless
I was enchanted
The brown eyes, white skin
The beauty that centuries forgotten to age

I was there
She was there
I held her soul from the heart her chest hid
I felt her and suddenly the flower blossomed between us
Her brown eyes became my view every morning
She became the sun inside my universe
The moon in nights like this
In this couch
I miss her in these good nights
But her nights are not the same like mine
No longer

Rise and fall the sound declares
Pouring the unspoken
The sigh blowing the whispers you never heard
Hardly not forgotten

Rise and fall it goes in your mouth
Running for a glimmer of shadow that you found in light
Hallowed by the feathers your unseen heart deployed

Rise and fall of the intense touch you felt in someones arm
The video game they put to shame
In all the never ending pain

Rise and fall i sow the seeds
Crawling beside the bedrock of weeds
Put together in a land of my veins
Bound for sweat and blood

Rise and fall i go
In the beginning i will never know
Rise and fall i go
In the future i will know

Rise and fall
Bouncing like a ball
Over the gravity i float
Rise and fall i rise
Escaping from all the tearful lies

Rise and fall
Just let the heart skip the beating
find your way to believing
After all we are living
And always remember the feeling

Just let it rise
And learn to fall

Before I go to sleep
I fake my tears into dreaming
Pulling the gun inside my head
Trigger the pain i suffered long past
Awakening the tormented last
I remember their faces again
They carved my soul into the night
They dashed my summer with snow
They reached the echoes of my voice
They Planted the seeds of unwanted harvest
Rotten in sweetness of the bitter heart
Drowned to water of sugar and salt

Seek it out
The day of light you walk by the night
The shadows i called upon the pit
Shallow as the wounds of defeat
Oh fainting in a line
Dancing in the forefront of mind

Before I go to sleep...
Seek it out..
The days of nightmare have long past
Throw the bullet
Keep the gun
The trigger will not harm anyone

Now i close my eyes
Let the memories bid goodbyes

The wings that turned to ashes
Taught me how to wear eyeglasses
Like seeing through the pages of guilt
A painful vision of the past that was built

The cry from those years are now
My longing tears are exhibiting a smile
A discontent entity that flows in my veins
Called for the fire that is still unburnt

I am rusty and I can't trust me
The signs I am falling on top again
Is a means of crashing back
To the black hole of miserable haunting

These wings are severely wounded
Scarred in nature
Feathers plucked within a soul
The drive to horizons are fading

Slowly I became less
And every bit of it is part of a test
I am the nightmare of my dream
I am the terror i try to hide

This isn't flying
This isn't falling
It is the journey inside a ball of gravity
Always pulling you down where you meet
Misery

The time ticks 1 2 3
See the 1 you hate to love
Love what the 2 eyes see
Say the 3 words
I love you

Your hug felt warm
It got cold when i opened my eyes

Death is not the greatest loss
The greatest loss is what's dying inside

We heard this question
We died to ask
We live to find it
We want an answer
What is love?

Is it a shadow inside your heart
A ghost that keeps you in fear
A fear to fall or breaking of a soul
A black animistic pain to be avoided
A shadow that keeps you on hiding

Is it a pike that keeps your head stuck
In a place you keep walking on
In a moment that turned to memory
In a crazy house filled with fantasies
In a broken home of reality

Is it a pillow that comfort a soul
For a shoulder to lean on
For a dreamer who never sleeps
For a sinner within a saint
For a worker that is tired

Is it a light that lit your darkest night
From a family that keeps a home
From a friend that says a word
From a partner that guard your heart
From a God that keeps you from falling apart

A shadow inside your heart
A pike that keeps your head stuck
A pillow that comfort a soul
A light that lit your darkest night
Is it or it isn't

What is love really?
It's the one that keeps your shadow walking under the sun
It's the pike that taught you to be strong and fight for life
It's the pillow that boost your dreams and kept you waking to reality
It's the light that keeps you from fading into the darkest of all nights

Love is love
We want it
We need it
We may hate it
But we all have it

A cloud fail to wake my eyes
I've been dreaming of waterfalls
Pouring the agony of my broken walls
Screaming so loud
In silence of my echoes

Hardly to believe
Better i was decieved
Running up in down in my mind
Like wounds that never turned to scars
In pain i closed the doors

In time i lost you
In an emty heart of jar
Pulling me in so i drown
Not into the deep
But in the darkness i lost the light

Now i suffer in loathing
Out of my blue crystal box
Fragile and broken
I can't seem to put it back together
Before we were lovers
Today we are fighters
But now we are apart
FOREVER

We were stars in the dark sky
A shiny piece of light
We guided our path
Not knowing where to go

I settled in a chair
With my Long short black hair
Staring at fake faces
Lost in a bloated space

Filling the circles in my head
Popping out of distance
I could not see
What it seems to be

Will it be my past
Pained by childhood trust
Or a hollow dark dreamy time
Engraved in my scars since nine

Will it be my present
Confused by the blue moment
Or morning craving for a heart to lean
Concieved today at seventeen

Will it be my future
Fuelled by all necessary means
Or burned through a spark of fire
From the woods I came since birth

When my alarm clock rings
Who I see
Where I belong
What was
Will be
Because this is the beauty of
Why i wake up to reality

As a boat pass by
I got a teary eye
Its moving me into riptide
Flat bent forward dishonest ride
I mourn for peace
In small drops of water from sky
Where birds try to flap high
Into my hungered dark cloudy eye
Standing on cracked rocks
Melting deep into a moment
Deep in sink sea
That drowns me far from me
Like a palm tree losing life
Bent, broken, and still unused
In a moment of still illusion
I forgot the heartfelt pain that i imprisoned

I cut you with a thumb
And you always say that I was dumb
You spit your silent poisons with no reasons
Like crying for a rain in a summer day
But only to find that they are in my eyeballs
It stained the red lip that was ripped by a tongue
Clueless of the pain that remain
From yesterday tape that you always play
Round and over again the first day it begun
It was a trigger of a gun
But I was scared of making a ran
Because someday it might not come back
So i throw a rock around the block
And shout how you really ****
But you know I'm still stuck
So help me break the bar blindly
To say how remarkably strong my love for you
That I breathe in painkiller
And treat it as a healer
To creat a dreamer in me
That say peel your skin and then you'll win
But all i do is say a play
And at the end I will always say I'll stay

Plus and minus
Is where we find the love that divides us
Like multiplying the heart
Into million shattered pieces
Heartfelt noise of blistered voice

Up above and down below
Is where we see what is and was meant
Like pulling a heart with hard cement
It can't be bent
Hard, rough, and really tough

Candid faces on all the places
Wide so clear but yet not near
Clowns with no frowns
But deep down they drown
In sea of doubt that has no way out

Like the water to the sea
No matter how big the waves are
We fight until we get it right
And not settle for a bottle of chaotic battle
Drunk and lonely with no one to call only

I tried to shut my ears
Then seal it with tears
Like embracing my false fears
In my mid blue moment silent rears
Left alone with two feet on its own
Coat it with curve that has no verb
4ft up and 10 below
Wait, see, bury me in misery
Like roses of deep sea thorns
Blooming with loud silence
Embedded with beauty of impurity
Cards unfold for words you told
No high eye to watch you die
Sinisters of mystery, don't carry
Let free of what is to be and was
Just call it quites in dull of heats
Hearts will march you with arch
Like shivers of the day
Heat so cold that you can feel it
In your hard mad bone
Below the line is gone
And up above is done
I stay to leave my big defeat
Now just say the words to commit
Not just omit
All the lines are torn apart
In the lyrics of a movie or tv
They all say you need me
But all you do is leave me

I'm sorry baby but I won't be your maybe anymore.

The body of time is screaming in my mind
It tells a story of a blueberry in a cherrypie
Cold, chewy and hard to bury
Whispers of sad blow that makes us slow
Happy a moment and dependent
Cool as night with heat of might
Only a maybe inside I'm a baby
Crawling and strolling my mourning
Back ache in spaces of empty cases

Hopeless opus
In a deep ocean of motion
Can feel the waves of my disgrace
The pain are in my ways and i cant erase
I just wish to hope a morning wake
With no more current that says you aren't
I'm so down and all
And I think I'm going to fall

I shed a tear for you my dear
A flood of good and bad
Its breaking every point of my joint
Like onions on my dessert
Never i have been hurt until now
It made me surrender with a bow
For i am the cow that you milked
And days past you slaughtered me away
Crying for something
That was supposed to be nothing
Black and white i was shining bright
And now the tears run down my every outline like a rich with only a dime
Blinded i have decided
To suicide on wide wave of height
What i know now is that i open my eyes
And i felt the blind tears of lie