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  May 10 Tanya
Tabitha Houska
your grave stone will
forever be blooming with flowers
in the cemetery of my heart

and i will live
the rest of my life
aching for another chance
to love you
again
05.08.19
Tanya May 10
yesterday I had a dream
of a yellow flower field
where i ran free
from all the pain
with which i went to sleep.
my tears had grown the flowers
which i didn’t dare to pick
and there was
a small,
familiar bee
that stung
me.
Tanya May 10
I sometimes wish
i could cement my beating chest,
so my heart would no longer bend and break
under the weight of my emotions.
Tanya May 9
i hate the fact,
we held hands
on the cold January night-
we kept each other warm.

i hate the fact,
i let Your lips kiss mine-
i’m sorry,
if i did it wrong.

i hate the fact,
your hands held my body
like it was the most beautiful
violin in the world-
my strings broke,

i’m hurt.

i hate the fact,
we cooked together -
now i can’t look at food.

i hate the fact,
Your fingers ran through my hair,
as if it was silk and You, a sewer-
I want to cut it short.

i hate the fact,
I opened myself to You,
my home -
and You left;
please, come back,
You didn’t close the door.

i hate the fact,
my ears were so used to
the words you spoke
that Van Gogh no longer seems
like a man done wrong.

i hate the fact,
your eyes stared at mine
like a blind man saw the sky;
i can no longer find the constellations
at night.

i hate the fact,
your laughter spread around
faster than sunlight,
that now, when someone laughs,
i hardly hold my cry.

i hate the fact,
Your soul hugged mine
so warm,
i felt home.

i hate the fact,
You came and took from me,
and like a foolish girl-
i’m still crying over memories.

lastly,

i hate the fact
You had to leave
and so did all my parts
You’ve ever touched,
You’ve ever kissed.

They ripped apart  
so hard,
so painfully,
away from me
that i’m still

                      bleeding.
I hope You find happiness.
Tanya Apr 26
how do you hate someone,
when you love them?

how do you tell them to leave,
when you want them to stay?

how do you erase a connection,
you wanted to last forever?

how do you run away,
when your feet are bleeding?

do you even walk,
when your legs aren’t functioning?

how do you trust again,
when your gut is screaming not to?

how do you inhale,
when you are afraid to exhale ?

how do you say goodbye,
when hello was too pleasant ?

how do you live,
when you are dead ?
you just do.
Tanya Apr 16
the cold crawling of a sharp knife,
tasting your blood bitter than truth,
yet
sweeter than sin,
whispering gently
amen.

ripping apart your look for tomorrow
filling your eyes with glasses of sorrow
how does it feel,
ending it all at once,
and yet painting your beliefs
with the color of the blood you bleed?

but don’t worry one stab cannot be that bad,
please, don’t be mad,
pull yourself together and
the warmth inside your soul
may survive;

it could.

but the knife fell again,
not intentional,
a small mistake,
carving a name
on the back of your
heart,

did anyone survive?
you stabbed my love for you.
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