i dont look for you anymore

In all supposed
possibilities
in the universe
we talk
with unison magnificent;
always my best for you
in the whole wide world.

Please hurry and speak,
I'm already terrified,
I wont know what I'll do,
I just want to set this aside....

Please don't hurt me...
Ask questions I can answer,
It'll be useless to ask me
Questions where I have no power.

Please don't shout at me,
I'm already tired of crying,
I didn't want to come and talk,
But I'm already trying.

I painted a girl out of sunshine
with brush strokes that glitter and play
And glow gold and pink and sweet

But I overlooked a few things in her making
Her head cannot pivot
Only move up and down
Nod yes
Yes, I'm fine
Yes, I can help

And when I painted her face,
I gave her a smile
The brightest, most heartfelt smile I could make
To make other people feel okay
But I never realized that meant she'd be stuck that way

She grins, teeth glistening
Whispers my mistakes,
I take a closer look
And find that the pink paint
is in fact the red of my blood
And the brush, my own bone
You'll give until your death! she smiles and laughs

Too late to un-create this destiny
It is all I can do to prop the sunshine girl up in front of me
A screen for others to watch a lie
And not the sad silent soul behind

While the sunshine girl does the living, the girl behind retreats to words, trying not to
Die.