Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
  Sep 2015 Queen Of Disaster
Leo-chan
I'm so stupid for thinking I found the one.
I'm so stupid for even trying again.
I'm so stupid because I saw it coming but continued anyway.
But all I want is to be loved.
Not with touch but with heart.
Yet I constantly keep finding myself laying in a bed full of tears.
Is it because im fat?
Is it because I'm ugly?
Is it because I actually thought we had a chance?
I can't figure it out.
I wish someone would just tell me so I can give this constant pain in my heart a break.

This is not what love is, but who it chooses to affect in certain ways.
  Sep 2015 Queen Of Disaster
Leo-chan
Who would of thought that all this **** would have happen to us on this day. I can't stop replaying the moment and I swear I'm going crazy. I never wanted to hurt you or for you to get hurt, I ******* loved you. But with a blink of an eye our worlds, our dreams, our future came crashing down. God I'm so stupid. How could I be so careless? I ******* hate this life and I'm sorry I brought you into it. Im sorry you had to fall in love with someone such as me. The tears keep running down my cheeks but I can't feel anything but just my heart breaking with every fall. We had our whole lives in front of us. Im sorry this is all my fault and I can't stress that enough. I promise you baby girl everything will be okay. You will always be in my heart and I will always love you no matter what.
My punishment for loving. She was my everything... I miss you B
  Sep 2015 Queen Of Disaster
Leo-chan
i don't want to fall in love again, i don't want to start over and most of all i don't want to forget the comforting feeling I had when you where around. I was in love with so many things, the sky, the rain, the trees, and even the flowers but i was in love with you first. I don't want it to be over even when i know I'm hurting myself, i don't want to forget you. I don't want to forget the way your face would light up when your favorite song came on, I don't want to forget how you would stare at me when i told you i loved you, i don't want to forget all the good times we had because it was the best time of my life and i don't want to let go of that...I don't want to let go of you. I cant let go of you.... So please, i beg of you, don't forget about me.
The best memory I have of us is from April of 2014. We had just celebrated our 6 month anniversary a few days before and my birthday was less than a week away. I was extremely happy we had been together so long and so excited to be spending my birthday with you. Everything was perfect, and we were so happy. Our hands were locked within eachothers as we walked to our usual spot after school where we then waited for my mom to pick us up. You threw your backpack against the wall as I gently placed mine next to yours. I was so focused on my phone and was scrolling through my Facebook feed. That's when you came up from behind me and wrapped your arms around my waist. You began to attack my cheeks with your kisses. While I was laughing you leaned in for a kiss. My heart melted like butter inside. I put my phone away and put my arms around your neck as I looked into your eyes. Then we layed down and you held me in your arms. You were so slsepy and even though your eyes were closed and you couldn't see me, I couldn't close my eyes because they were set on you. I was studying every feature on your face. Your chin dimple that you hated, I had found so adorable. Your rosy lips I looked forward to kissing every single day. Your messy hair that I loved to run my fingers through. Your soft skin that you always loved to moisturize with lotion. You were this beautiful creation of God that I was blessed to call mine. I couldn't spot a single flaw and every detail of your face I remember so ******* well. It was that moment that I realized how much you meant to me. You were my whole world. In your arms, the way we were, it felt so right. That was how I wanted to sleep every single night with you in our future once we got married. I was so convinced back then, at age 14, that we were going to get married and start a family. Afterall, you were all I needed. Then suddenly you opened your eyes and saw me smiling at you. You began laughing. You said, "what are you looking at?" Holding back my tears of happiness I replied, "my other half. The person I want to spend the rest of my life with." Then we both looked into each others eyes and I gently placed my hand on your cheek as I continued to admire your face. Looking at you that very moment I felt so many different things, all at once. I felt complete in every single way, my heart was beyond satisfied whenever I was with you. Looking at you at that very moment I realized how much I was willing to sacrifice so I could just be with you. While I was still in the middle of my thoughts, you kissed me. "I love you so ******* much baby girl and I'm never letting go," you said to me. You pulled my body close to yours and began to cuddle me. "Babe...", I said. "Yes princess?" It took me a while to think of how I wanted to say what I was thinking, so then I just came out and said what was on my mind. "Do you promise me you'll never leave me?" You looked at me with that beautiful face of yours and said, "I couldn't ever leave you, even if I wanted to. You're everything I've always wanted and I love you more than you'll ever know."


And that was the most beautiful lie you ever said to me.
  Sep 2015 Queen Of Disaster
Leo-chan
From the age of 7 I was told love was a beautiful thing but was never given it from the ones that told me they loved me the most and never proved it. By the age of 10 I was made to think that in order to be loved I had to give my everything to a guy that did nothing for me but ruin my life. As I saw them ruin my mothers. At the age of 13 I became confused when I was told that who I thought I loved was wrong just because they were the same gender as me. I was given looks as if I was monster, as if I didn’t belong. At the age of 14 I became depressed because I felt like I couldn’t fit in and that anyone who came into my life would eventually leave me as they always did. At the age of 15 I fell in love… I felt like I was invincible and nothing could phase us. She made me believe that my past didn’t matter as much as my future did and I could do anything as long as I loved. She broke barriers around my heart, and taught me to love myself. But like the prophecy says, nothing good can last. when I was at my happiest, she was torn from me and so went my heart. All because once again I was told the person I thought I loved was wrong. I was forced to move on, to delete my memories of her, to get over it like she wasn’t real to me. I spend 63 days crying myself to sleep, 7 out of those 63 I starved myself, it took me a week to look myself in the mirror again and it took me a day to realize I probably wont ever see you again.i was left with cruel closure. So I blame myself for falling in love and believing in love because I knew from the beginning it wasn’t meant for me.

— The End —