.
I know this place,
light stone avenues,
fig, pear, apricot and apple,
trees that line in rows,
cut paving with neat gutters
**** white granite buildings,
as ferns and creepers
cascade from roof gardens,
the green shining vivid
in appreciation of being alive.
And I connect across the aeons,
this place was my home,
from centuries long passed,
yet reaching out to be found.
The avenues mimic my mind,
long straight and narrow,
broad and winding,
leading to sedate squares
to sit and feel the sun,
to bathe in beautiful isolation.
And the trees sway
casually in a breeze so soft,
it caresses the branches,
enough to tickle the leaves
and cool the ripening fruit.
Here, the forest erupts,
circles around this sanctuary,
forming a natural hedge
to this garden of tranquility,
this oasis in the maelstrom,
this home in my heart.
Flowers of honeysuckle,
jasmine, of clovers and lily,
adorn walls and buildings,
bright in contrast
to the shadows of the trees,
bloom with the intensity of colour,
riotous in hue and arrangement,
yet, ordered to Nature's Law.
Paradise wrapped in image,
slicing through time and space,
my place a thousand years ago,
my place to claim forever,
and the wind carries me home,
I know this place,
because it lives inside of me,
because I made it.


© Pagan Paul (06/06/18)

Today
Today we would have celebrated
Today marked 13 years
Somehow though
We only had the first 9.

You're still just as important to me.
You're still in my heart.
I still think about you.
Every single day.
I still think about what you’d say
Silently asking for your advise
You talked me through everything

Loving someone can change
That love it can modify,
it can alter,
it can grow
It can break
but it never stops.

If there was away
To leave that love somewhere
Abandon it
Drive it as far away as possible,
I would have.

Loving a ghost,
a memory,
It can be crippling
the what ifs
They are devastating.

Caring for you was never easy
but I chose to do it,
I chose you over and over again.
Even when you stopped choosing me

I loved you so much.

I continue loving you
That choice I made
Will be for the rest of my life.
I can’t take it back

I will miss you every single day.
A part of me
destined to be lost
for the rest of time.

Im no longer full,
a shell of a person.
I gave you such a big piece of me,
throwing caution to the wind.
I gave and I gave and then
I gave some more.

You took and you took and then
you left.
Never looking back
Not even to see if I could stand on my own.
Not even a glance to see if I’d survived.
I did.
Didn’t I?

I love him
I tell myself
I know that
We will be together forever
I don’t believe that
We could be separated
My thoughts tell me that
He’s the love of my life
Sometimes my heart lies and says
I could live an eternity
Without him
Like my friends say
“We’re perfect for each other”
And you can’t tell me
He’s not the one.

Now read from bottom to top.

i never expected any of this to happen
but here we are
winter has begun
and now you shine as my own little sun

so remember to breathe,
when you get back i'll still be here.
when you're there hold the watch to your heart
chest filled
eyes closed
steady
                                                                                                       steady
steady
im here
and there
for you

your monsters hide in the darkest corners of the mind
but remember that the pen is mightier than the sword.
and with every word you write
every one of my words you read
those monsters get slain day by day
so listen to me as i say and say
again
i love you.
even when you can't love yourself
so that one day you might learn how to.

there are nights where i stay up daydreaming of a wonderland

a wonderland of vignetted sepia books and tea stained lips,
a wonderland where the sun hides for a while, and lets us be real
a wonderland where no one else exists
so that my arms persist on staying around you

a wonderland where my hands lay in yours
while we read sappy poetry
poetry no one else we know would find interesting
but poetry that means the world to us;

a wonderland where rain falls in my backyard on orange trees
to the setting of our eyes like big blue seas
never parting
leaves rustling

a wonderland where music plays and sways so sway with me
to a light thunder storm
and kiss me slowly
so we can keep each others lips warm

because its cold in our winter wonderland
but a little cold never stopped anyone
a little cold in life slows us down, but we put on our jumpers and forge on

so forge on
my dear winter girl,
because i know that sometimes
a house isn't really a home
and it gets hard when I'm alone
so come whenever you feel like you cant stand
and lay with me, in our own winter wonderland.