my pain was too much
too much even for painkillers to ease it
it felt good
while it lasted
smoking a joint was enough
or maybe even two
no one knew
but only myself
when i did it
Guess what?

I've hurt and hurt many times
it hasn't stopped me
Yet?
but is has slowed me down
but I get up
get out of bed
face my world
bring myself to healing
until I fail
some hours later
I try healing again
this time I get it right
I take some painkillers
Soak in warm water
Get out!
dry myself
and go back to bed to heal some more
I then hope for the best the next day

once torn
once happy
once sad
once it was unknown how I felt to myself
but then I found out something about myself
a friend would say to me
you are a woman of emotions and feelings
you are supposed to know your feelings
as you learn what they are
then I would come to know what I felt

i dreamt of birds
in a large cage
that appeared red, green, yellow, blue, or pink?
seemingly disturbed by something
that i thought they needed to escape

a moment later i felt something dropped on me in my dream
as i opened my eyes in this dream
i saw one of the birds on me
one that would die

it was unclear what this meant
but i felt there were too many birds in that cage
had i not awaken from this dream
i would have opened the cage and set them free

My eyes couldn't see
until I saw your rainbow
such sad eyes
take a turn
show courage
you find courage
when you find your strengths
weaknesses you had
but that didn't last long
until you showed your colors

Discontentment beyond belief
But as blue as a sapphire sky
I could guess
But it seemed as though I was the only one that saw
In his eyes
Emotions of hurt
Emotions of pain
Then I looked again to find
He needed another
To ease his hurt
And ease his pain
Yielding to his need
I looked at him with compassion
By showing I cared
Out of concern
I looked into his eyes
To let him know
I'm here even when it hurts
And even when it doesn't hurt

my teeth grit at the sound of your footsteps
before you appear
you run like I don't know
you speak like a little boy
all these things make me mad
because of you