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Phoolmatee Dubay Feb 2016
he made it clear what I should
a graceful beauty,
and perfectly flawless
for him
I didn't think it were possible
but now I know
because he knows I can do it for him
Phoolmatee Dubay Jan 2015
once torn
once happy
once sad
once it was unknown how I felt to myself
but then I found out something about myself
a friend would say to me
you are a woman of emotions and feelings
you are supposed to know your feelings
as you learn what they are
then I would come to know what I felt
Phoolmatee Dubay Dec 2014
I remember celebrating Christmas as a child
but not doubting its significance
but only realizing it was a time I loved most
Getting gifts,
the smell of fruit cakes being baked,
the smell of pine cones
I remember sneaking a drink of red wine
Having ginger beer to drink
As a West Indian child would
Phoolmatee Dubay Dec 2014
i get up alone
and can't stand being alone
when i see you you fill me up
while i'm with you
the moment you depart from me
i start needing you
ever wondered why?
ever thought why?
your smile makes me smile
your laughter makes me laugh
your words say much
while your with me
when away from me
i miss you
sometimes i can't stand you
but i still know that i need you while in your presence
Phoolmatee Dubay Dec 2014
touched for a moment
but pulled away too soon to know
waking up I thought I couldn't feel again
I wished that I could immortalize the moment
only to realize that I'm some distance from you

had the moment not lasted
then it wouldn't have been a moment to remember
a moment to last
something you gave
and something you shared

you wouldn't have stopped yourself
even if you tried
your love I wanted
your love I needed
knowing in both ways loving while giving
but not realizing or even knowing you were doing so
Phoolmatee Dubay Dec 2014
Miles apart
But cities away
A place where once we met
Some distance in time
Memories that never faded but lasted

Seemed to be?
Or meant to be a lifetime with you?
I couldn't tell!
Yet I think of you everyday
Reach out to you in every way
In ways that you might want
Not to bring you closer
But to show you love will conquer
Phoolmatee Dubay Sep 2014
As I move away from one issue
I deal with another issue
My thoughts are clear
But what I feel with these thoughts
Are also clear to me
Change always happens for me when I least expect it.
Phoolmatee Dubay Dec 2014
i dreamt of birds
in a large cage
that appeared red, green, yellow, blue, or pink?
seemingly disturbed by something
that i thought they needed to escape

a moment later i felt something dropped on me in my dream
as i opened my eyes in this dream
i saw one of the birds on me
one that would die

it was unclear what this meant
but i felt there were too many birds in that cage
had i not awaken from this dream
i would have opened the cage and set them free
Phoolmatee Dubay Dec 2015
I made a mistake again
And this I vow I would never make it again
It's been three days since I last made the choice to do it
And I feel better knowing that I will not do it today
And I hope for the best tomorrow
I find that the bravest thing I can do for myself
Is not to do it again
And I mean it
Because I turn out to be a loser
Instead of a winner
Therefore, how many times will I loose before I win again?
I don't want to loose anymore
Then I'll stop for my sake
To become the winner by being brave
Phoolmatee Dubay Feb 2015
Sometimes change feels like an interruption in itself.
Phoolmatee Dubay Dec 2014
boy or girl?
we love!
male or female?
we love!
same *** or different sexes?
we love!
one or the other?
we love!
Phoolmatee Dubay Aug 2015
I'll discover again
To know again
This time
What's unknown will be known
What's old is out
What's new is in
Tomorrow's news will be yesterday's news
Whereas today's news will today's news
Any point this?
If I were a bird with blue webbed feet
What would you think?
A bird with blue webbed feet?
Or a bird that has webbed feet that's the color blue?
Phoolmatee Dubay Sep 2015
good days are when moments stand out
but not alone
there are others to share it with
the good times
even in bad times we share with others
those we know
being there for us makes it easier to deal with
and bring us to better place during difficult moments
Phoolmatee Dubay Dec 2015
With much thoughts and ideas
To explore
I wonder which ones I should mention
Or write about today
I'm in limbo
Or am I not?
The sun is shining but it's very cold outside
As I write again I am thinking
But uncertain about how I feel
My best friend left the state
I lost my way somehow
What do I have to smile about?
You tell me
Phoolmatee Dubay Jul 2016
darker days seemed darker than nights
only seeing the past
but not what was ahead
I would find myself loosing sight of me
what really mattered
and what didn't matter

bouncing back would happen
but not until
i would find a way
out of my darkness

i would be inspired by another
and helped by another
to help me come out of my darker days
realizing that i had to see it to know it
Phoolmatee Dubay Dec 2014
yesterday I thought to myself
how cold it is?
then I said to myself
how I long the warm rays of sunlight on my skin?
a longing I hadn't felt during summer
but now in winter
but believe me I don't have seasonal affective disorder
Phoolmatee Dubay Aug 2015
Lost in myself
Lost in my past but not in my present
Because yesterday seemed to hold more for me
Whereas today I have what's left off yesterday
Past moments gave me more
That led me to this point
If I knew differently
I would say differently
As I remember I remind myself of that
Then today will bring what I'll hold on to tomorrow
Phoolmatee Dubay Dec 2014
Discontentment beyond belief
But as blue as a sapphire sky
I could guess
But it seemed as though I was the only one that saw
In his eyes
Emotions of hurt
Emotions of pain
Then I looked again to find
He needed another
To ease his hurt
And ease his pain
Yielding to his need
I looked at him with compassion
By showing I cared
Out of concern
I looked into his eyes
To let him know
I'm here even when it hurts
And even when it doesn't hurt
Phoolmatee Dubay May 2015
my life has been good to me
but it has been a difficult one for me
it has been a journey of reconciliation for me
one that i questioned as a child
and now as an adult i return to my past with dignity and respect for it
i now look upon it as questions i had that needed answers
Phoolmatee Dubay Dec 2015
what I write you read
this makes me happy
knowing someone like you
responds to me
Phoolmatee Dubay Dec 2014
this year has past
i didn't fail or struggle
i kept my friends
because i know who my friends are
came out darkness
had highs and some lows
but all in all
i survived
Phoolmatee Dubay Feb 2015
fifteen years, a decade ago
i held on
as i knew
your love
as i knew
your touch comforted me
while you love i missed
as when i held on
you loved
Phoolmatee Dubay Dec 2014
I had lost sight of what's real
what's good
but I've risen above my misfortunes
a struggle?
but what a wonderful life it is  
I've come to know
but not without darkness
but also with light in darkness
Phoolmatee Dubay Oct 2015
I am neither in the dark nor am I in the light
Just in limbo
It may be at dusk or at dawn
The moment where I am at is the moment that exist
Words are few to come by
With so little to say
But so much that is unsaid
I wonder when will be that day
Phoolmatee Dubay Dec 2014
once lost?
once hurt?
then I decided I would contact you
reveling in thoughts
what am I to say?
what will I say?
what would I say?

I entered your doors prepared to say
but the look on your face
said you needed me not words
how cold I could have been to you?
only to realize that i needed you too

then we sat down to start
where you began
I listened and heard
but your words said more of you
than of me
realizing you were telling me
you needed me
while I needed you
Phoolmatee Dubay Dec 2014
You are far away
My love
The man of my dreams
The man for me
Phoolmatee Dubay Jul 2015
She stands tall even in difficult times
A? champion to us
A champion to all who know off her
A lady, a woman, and a friend to me
One person I've come to know
One person I've come to care for

She stands by you in difficult moments
As well as in difficult times
A winner at all times
Never a quitter
Phoolmatee Dubay Feb 2015
I turned 47
But I still feel the same
But look a lot different
From when I was 25

A valentine birthday meant more to celebrate
You would think?
But I realized others share this day
As something special too
So it wasn't my day only
But everyone else's
Phoolmatee Dubay Jul 2015
lost in time
but not lost in space
bewildered at times
from doing much for others and themselves
it shows that they are not selfish or self-centered

men of worth
men of love
men with values
as I know
are all men like this?
Phoolmatee Dubay Sep 2014
I believe but in what
I believe the sun's ray allows us to create vitamin D
I also believe my moods are affected by my mate
Because when he's upset
I'm bothered
When he's happy
I'm elated to know he's well
When I'm not well
He's unhappy!
It bothers him when I'm not well
How I relate to my mate.
Phoolmatee Dubay Oct 2014
moments of darkness that turned into hours
hours would turn days
days would turn into months
using would bring darkness
while numbing the light

even in light there would be more darkness
not seeing what was ahead
but only seeing what it didn't have for me
a future that was my past

more darker time with regrets
loosing money, time, and a place called mines
I crumbled!
then I cracked
the pillars that held my world up came tumbling down on me

turning to the bottle would be the answer
drinking every last drop
and drinking even more
until I stumbled
I could no longer hold myself up
I crashed and burned
Phoolmatee Dubay Dec 2014
I feel sad
I feel empty
I feel unwanted
I long for my friends
The true ones
Phoolmatee Dubay Dec 2014
Sometimes I think they're like enemy
just aiming to bite my head off
for what?
when I do something
they do not like
this happens

but when I need them
they're always there
when I need
this I didn't know
until I found out
Phoolmatee Dubay Dec 2019
I traveled many paths to me
to realize that I was always home
Because wherever I went
I took every experience with me
Until I realized I carried them with me
Phoolmatee Dubay May 2015
I have a name that I've been given at birth
But I've seen others change theirs
Through marriage
But that privilege has not come my way
Yet I do not know why?
Phoolmatee Dubay Apr 2014
A small idea but with big passion
Determined to change
Determined to succeed
A voice yet to be heard
But with ideas of my own
I will be known

Once it was my aim
Now its my game
Play it and you know it
Don't play it
Then I won't know

Once buried alive
Now I've come alive
With success at hand
With the aim to succeed
Phoolmatee Dubay Jan 2015
I've hurt and hurt many times
it hasn't stopped me
but is has slowed me down
but I get up
get out of bed
face my world
bring myself to healing
until I fail
some hours later
I try healing again
this time I get it right
I take some painkillers
Soak in warm water
Get out!
dry myself
and go back to bed to heal some more
I then hope for the best the next day
Phoolmatee Dubay Sep 2014
Once a party girl
well-dressed, with beauty
but with little to believe in

My mother change this young woman
by turning her into an educated woman to be
Making me change my style,
my attitude,
and my understanding of reality

Twenty-three years later
Now an established adult woman
I've entered a different dimension in thinking
Life is not about myself only
It's about friends, family members, my mate, and others I care for
And I will not forget this
Phoolmatee Dubay Dec 2014
may you find all that you want from this world
may you want more for others
as you always do
this says you Mark
a man with cause
a man with purpose
Phoolmatee Dubay Oct 2014
My dreams I pursued tirelessly
Until it happened
Then something else happened
I had to slow down
But my dreams didn't
I encountered a few gliches
I call problems
Money ran out to promote my dreams
But I have no intention of giving up
Much less giving in too defeat
I will persevere to make it happen
To see it happen
dreams happening
Phoolmatee Dubay Dec 2014
How untrue?
The misery will return
If I return to it
Using could become the cause
For numbing the light
Allowing the darkness in
Then the confusion
Then the misery
Then the pain
Phoolmatee Dubay Dec 2014
I'd hold him near
bear his children
a boy for me
and a girl for him

Today we're miles apart
but close at heart
near or far?
we are never apart
Phoolmatee Dubay Oct 2014
Seeing is not only with your eyes
It is being able to visualize
In your mind as well
Its the same with hearing
If you don't listen
Then how can you hear?
Phoolmatee Dubay Oct 2014
I get up every morning
Then I bleed
From where?
You wouldn't want to know!
It hurts and hurts
I take a pill or two to ease the pain
But then I soak in the tub with warm water by dissolving a salt in it
I sit in it for five minutes
While it reduces the irritation
It reduces the pain
pain for real
Phoolmatee Dubay Aug 2015
It pours it rains
But when the rain stops
It is likely a rainbow appears
The rain cleans the air,
Gives plants water to grow,
And gives all animals water to drink for their survival
But it can be deadly with too much rain
But when the rainbow appears and dries us out
This is when we see we need them both
Phoolmatee Dubay Dec 2014
I want to know you
As I try
When you are happy tell me?
When you are sad let me know?
When you are down tell me so?
Distance is only a keyboard away
For you to let me know
What you think
And what you feel
Words can say
Words can express
Then use it
And use it as you will
Phoolmatee Dubay Feb 2015
I'm caught between falling and rising again
But before I fell
I didn't fall
Because I stopped myself
From falling

Today I fell
And I have the cuts and bruises to prove it
But I couldn't get up
Because I needed help to do so

If I knew differently
Then I would say
I did it alone
But that wasn't true
Phoolmatee Dubay Oct 2014
The pain is gone
And no longer is present
I don't think much about it
But if it returns I deal with it
pain relief
Phoolmatee Dubay Oct 2015
If I carried myself
I'd be alone
If I walked a path with someone
This would mean sharing in direction with another
Walking a path together
With the idea of achieving something of value
Together taking directions
Walking a pathway

When I wrote my book of poems
Friends helped
Because I didn't do it alone
They listened and listened
And heard what I written
To be sounding board
To help and help in every way
I could have asked for
When I needed it
Phoolmatee Dubay Sep 2014
My ancestors were victims of brutal changes
the British Empire imposed upon them
I understand other ethnic groups have suffered at the hands of the British
Be it the people one ancestry or another
We all have suffered
But today there is still suffering
Men are being beheaded
because they offer help
In Iraq it still seems like they continue to carry out teachings of Sadam Hussein
I don't know!
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