i am distant,
i am drifting through space.
i am floating,
i am paddling through waves.
i am hiding,
i am alone among the flowers.
i am dreaming,
i am half awake through each day.

i am closing the door,
i am leaving this body,
i am okay with being alone,
i am saying goodbye.

nobody looks for me anyway—
and that's alright

it's all okay,
it's all alright,
finally.

things get weird,
it gets bad,
suddenly.

there's no reason why,
things get me down,
quickly.

i don't know,
i don't understand,
how this goes.

things get better,
then they fall apart for no reason,
and it all goes to ****.

doe-eyed darling illuminated in stage lights,
schoolboy wanderer with ambition,
devil-may-care child of Adonis—
you are an artist in every breath and movement,
your voice is music in itself,
you turn your struggles into rhyme and reason,
your thoughts are a mirage of pastels,
you are unreal, a canvas upon which
youth paints its wonders on

you are so in love with the world,
every night i look to the stars
and hope the universe lets you see as much of it as you please

*and oh, how i'd love to be by your side through it all

i miss the aching cold of autumn and spring.
the winds would blow at any time of day and
although my skin would crack
and my knees would shiver,
i remember the way i would see my own breath
right in front of me whenever i'd laugh,
i remember walking around, burning my tongue
with the heat of the delicious street food,
i remember tucking my hands in my oversized coat
as i sat in the train and sped by little houses–

the happiness i felt in those days kept my little heart warm.

i feel like i am being held by the throat
and my eyes drip with tears
and my chest feels heavy
and i don't know what to do
because all i want is to be where you are

it's a resounding voice in my head,
"be more. be more. be more. be more. be more. be more."
there's a fire in my heart and
i can never feel enough in my own skin.
the world feels bigger than ever
and i feel smaller in the four walls of my bedroom,
and i want to do more
see more
feel more
be more
but i don't know how to.

this life tells me i have never known you before,
but your face is already an image i have seen,
your voice is a resounding song in my head,
your speech and your thoughts feel so familiar
as if i have already spent time talking to you
until the wee hours of the morning,
and our thoughts seem to connect and weave into fabric
as warm as the blankets that cover me at night.

it is strange, isn't it?
the way a stranger could feel so familiar?
i do not know why,
but i believe that we have met at some point in the past,
perhaps we already knew each other
when we were living previous lives
we cannot call ours at present.

but whether it is fate or coincidence,
i am glad our paths have crossed again.