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 Apr 2018 levi eden r
Nakia
Skinny lover
Built like a dove hand crafted from the heavens above
Your icy skin calms my storm
You promise ice and I promise warmth
You're here but quickly fleeting
Your fingertips are losing feelings
So I give them a squeeze and shove your hand in my pocket
I'll kiss them to give you the tingles if you've lost it
The illness blots your mind but don't worry
I have a tissue to wipe it up when you're weary
Skinny lover
Your legs don't meet and I know soon neither will we
You no longer care to be my baby
I pray you see that you're important but you pull my hands apart
Fill the space with your head and tell me that I shouldn't waste prayers on the dead
Skinny lover you break my heart
In the watery reflection of your face you find relief
I wonder why you don't find that in me
Skinny lover
Playing deaths game
I know you're hungry baby just say
Skinny lover life of pain
I just hope you start to crave a hunger for change
This feeling makes me really happy.
I don't wanna wake up in reality.
Don't leave me in my dreams.
It's more than what it seems.

My surroundings became clearer.
The ocean I hear is nearer.
When I'm with you I'm in Utopia.
You are the cause of my Euphoria.
Hi :) I'm sorry if it's bad. I got inspired by Euphoria of Bts. Please watch and listen to it. And for those who don't know the meaning of Euphoria is a feeling or state of intense excitement and happiness.
 Apr 2018 levi eden r
Raven
Me
 Apr 2018 levi eden r
Raven
Me
No food
No sleep
I can't let these things reach out and speak sweet lies
I can't let food call my name
I can't let sleep drown my thoughts

I shouldn't eat
I can't sleep

This is me

I am broken girl
Who can't eat
In fear I weigh too much

I am a broken girl who can't sleep
For my thoughts and memories
Haunt me too much

I am a broken girl who answers 'how are you?'
With 'I'm alright' even when I'm not even close
Because I don't want you to worry
I don't want you to fret
Over a broken soul

I am a broken girl who says 'I have been busy'
when someone asks me why I haven't done something
I have been busy just not in the way they think
I have been busy trying not to give into hunger
I have been busy fixating on how I'm broken
I have been busy
But not in the way they think

I am a broken girl who has let her demons
creep up on her too much

I am a broken girl who has surrendered
her soul

I am a broken girl who dates so she feels
worth something because I don't when I'm alone

I date because I need to depend on someone
Because I am not dependable for anyone
Let alone myself

I date so I can hear someone say I love you
So I can hear someone call me beautiful
Cute
Amazing
And so many other things
Even if I don't believe it

I am a broken girl who has lost so many relationships
Five to death
And so many others just because they left
I was no longer good enough
No longer happy enough
No longer
PRETENDING

I am a broken girl who pretends
And when I stop people leave

Because I am too broken

I am too clingy

I am too demanding

I'm just not enough

Or I'm too much

THIS IS ME

But no one sees
Until I let them

And when I do they worry

But please don't worry
Because you didn't when you didn't know
So why worry now?

I'm still the same me
You just couldn't see all the flaws that my eyes do

You don't see the way I do

I see a girl who's eyes are too big

I see a girl who isn't thin enough

I see a girl who's hair doesn't suit her no matter what

I see a girl with too many scars

I see a girl
But I don't

For all I can see now is a walking flaw

And no one knows that
THIS IS ME
April/ 19/ 2018/ 10:19 AM
 Apr 2018 levi eden r
japheth
push
 Apr 2018 levi eden r
japheth
no matter

how painful

everything

was for you.

keep

pushing

forward.

love the uncertainty,

be excited of the unknown,

challenge life

to throw everything against you.

after all,

you were able

to pull through

before.

now

you’re much

stronger

to push through it all.
i’m probably hyped right now and so thankful to finally have a place where i feel safe to share my thoughts.

before, i write because i’m sad, with a cigarette on my hand, i type. i type as hard as i can just to release the emotions i have inside.

i went through a hard breakdown a month ago where i felt like i was stuck. like i had nowhere else to go.

but i kept on telling myself to push forward. to take baby steps. after all, no one’s rushing me anyway — it’s my life and i should take control of it, so i did.

now, looking back, i’m thankful for everything that had happened.

it helped me be where i am now. even though i’m still figuring things out, at the very least, i’m somewhere. out of the dark place where i was before.
 Apr 2018 levi eden r
japheth
hello
 Apr 2018 levi eden r
japheth
as i finally swim back up
from holding
my breath underwater
for so long,

i say goodbye
to
regret,
sadness,
pain,
and suffering.

i feel the sun’s
warm kiss upon my
cold, soaked up skin.

as i breathe my first air
after a long time,

i say hello
to
beginnings,
happiness,
healing,

and the beauty
of life.
i like to do laps at our university pool. like, i was training myself to go for 100 laps every time. last two weeks ago, i had a panic attack, in the middle of my swimming and thankfully, i knew what to do and i was at the side of the pool already.

i stopped swimming after a week, scared that it’ll happen again.

but today, i swam. even though i only did 20 laps, i felt that i was getting back my groove again.

i’m not scared of the water anymore.

because i learned how to breathe.

— The End —