I believe that,
Human wisdom
Can be summed up in one phrase:
"Full moon"
You can never see the moon "in full,"
Only half of it.
It's like,
When someone says,
"You have my full trust and devotion."
But that's only true,
Until someone better than you
Comes along to,
Give their "full" trust and devotion to.
And anyway,
The moon is never "full"
Very long either.

Push harder!
Do better!
Study more!
You're supposed to be smart!
I'm trying...

You're so dumb!
This is simple!
You'll never understand!
Why are you even here?
I don't know...

Work harder!
Put some effort forth!
Why can't you do this?
I thought you were trying!
I just can't anymore...

You're gonna fail!
You'll never make it!
Why don't you just leave?
You're too stupid for this!
I know...

No one likes you just leave!!!!
*Fine

They say that when an artist dies, God lets them paint the sky and lately I've been thinking a lot about what my sunset would look like

I'll breathe you in like smoke
I'll get high off of your fumes
I'll lose myself under your influence
And I'll hear about what your love did to me tomorrow

Breathe.
It's only for a time.
Breathe.
Do not let the tears spill out.
Breathe.
But they laugh and laugh and *laugh and I cannot handle their hands on each other and their smiles turned away from me and the complicity they share I am so
alone
In a sea of people
I put 5 plates
On a table and I am the odd one
Out.
I stare straight at the wall.
But they laugh and laugh and laugh and do not realize we are in a different universe.


**I am the 5th plate.

I feel sad again
I don't know why

I play around with it in my head
But there's still no reason why

Maybe it's because I fail at all I try
Maybe it's because I am not special
Maybe it's because I'm too weak
Maybe it's for no reason at all
Maybe my outlook is simply too bleak

Suicide; I haven't thought of how
In a long time
Suicide; I have thought of  when
Maybe now

It seems as good a time as any
But how to do it?
The choices again are too many.

I tried it once and failed
(Story of my life)
A halfhearted attempt derailed

I am sad again
I don't know why
I am deep
Below the sky

Help!
I shout
In my head
Help!
I never shout
Out loud
Again why?

Oh let me cry
I want to weep but I can't
And here again WHY

I feel alone
My heart beat frozen
I want to show how I feel
On the out side
But it never seems right
I am a in a solo fight
Again
WHY?

I'm heavy and fat
But I hate the heavy feeling that stops my simile
But I hate the heaving feeling that keeps me in bed
I hate the heavy feeling hovering all the while
I hate the heavy feeling that's rotting my head.
I'm fat and I hate it but I'm sad and I hate it more
This heaving feeling I abhor

Am I rotten?
Am I rotting?
I don't see the point
Is there one?

I am sad
Again
I don't know why

The pain is too much and has been going on for far too long
Good things never last and bad things find a way to stay
I feel abandoned and alone
I feel like I have no home

Lost in a dark forest
It's black and all around are the screams of who I used to be
In the distance I see a tall black tree
On it a rope
I tie it around my neck and set myself free

My head's a mess. It is. I've been compromised. I've been broken. Like a puzzle where none of the pieces match. None fit. I've realized mine never will either. Because someone has taken away a few and thrown in new ones. And I'm not even sure if I can blaim anyone else but myself. It's chaos. A mess. So I've given up. The fight is over. Leave me alone to curl in the dark corners of my bed. Please don't make me open my eyes. I don't want to see. If you try you will only risk getting your own puzzle shattered. That's what I am now. That's what I've become. The very essence of "you only want what you can't have". Reluctantly indifferent. My heart is off and the switch has stuck. Not wanting to be alone, but deserving it. I'm a safety hazard. Dangerous. I can make you fall in love with me. And that's what I crave. But I have forgotten how to love in return. You think I give and give and give. When all I really try to do is take, take, take to fill myself and switch my heart back on. If it's even there anymore, in the sinus of my chest. I can't tell. I can't feel it. So leave me alone to curl in the dark corners of my bed. Please don't make me open my eyes. I don't want to see what I've done.

I find peace in lightning
So strong and powerful yet naturally beautiful
It has such ability to **** yet its surges of electricity keep us alive
With bright trails of intense light it taunts us
Reminding us of its presence
So bright, so stern yet as breathtakingly gorgeous as a delicate flower
I relate to lightning as another may relate to fictional being, though my connection is quite real

I'm covered in scars
Scars from the blade
Scars from climbing
Scars from reaching the top of the bridge
Scars from falling
But I am still here...and so are my scars