Someone please save me because I am drowning.

And the most important thing is:

I don't know how to swim.

It's just another sleepless night,
Of me thinking of you.

And the things I want to do with you.
Do to you.
Do together.

The things I want to show you.

The things I want to give you.

But I've got my hands tied on this one.
My back against a wall.

This is not my dream to come true.

Because I can't even sleep,

With these thoughts of you.

The glory of the warriors has disappeared.
It has vanished like smoke through a keyhole.
Glory goes to the one with the most power.
The warriors are now the ones I pass on my way to the top.
But it is said that those you pass on the way to top are the ones you see again on your way back down.
Trust me, I am no warrior.
But mark my words.
When I climb to the top, I am never coming back down.

I’m just writing words
And putting them into lines
So they might just resemble a poem
And you might read them
And relate their meaning to your life.

I’m just writing words
And putting them into lines
So they might just resemble a poem
And you will read them over and over again trying to figure out what they mean.

I’m just writing words
And putting them into lines
So they might just resemble a poem
And you might read them

And say “This poem *****. I have no idea what’s going on.”

Oh, but remember my friend,

This isn’t a poem.

Many people think that when I say:
"Oh, it's alright"
That I'm complaining.
But for me, alright is just that,
Alright.

Not like "alright" get off my back about this or that.
Not like "alright" I reluctantly give into temptation.
Not like "alright" but it could be better.

My life is alright.
And I like it that way, alright?

Here we are again. A place I’m all too familiar with. My bedroom. Late at night. I’m sitting here upset at something I saw on the Internet again. Or something someone said again. Here I am laying in my own sadness and depression, laying here in my own disappointment. Why is it like this every single ******* time?

I lay here and just try to fall asleep, but instead I want to fall off a cliff. But instead, I try to fall into a song. I fall face first into some deep-**** lyrics, and heart first into a melody that can move tears down cheeks and mountains both at the same time. I keep hoping that the music will take me away from here. Take me away from this information that makes me want to scream and shout and cry and ***** all at the same time in some weird, guttural image that would put Picasso out on street corners begging for eyes to gaze upon his art. But is it too much to beg for eyes to gaze upon a heart?

Maybe my heart is just lonely and needs attention. I’ve never been sure if I give it enough myself. But there’s only so much one person can do for something until it needs a second pair of eyes, a second pair of hands, a second opinion, a second dose of love. Maybe my twin size bed is keeping that second pair of eyes, that second dose of love from having any room to squeeze into my heart. Or maybe I’ve just never been good at sharing. I always eat more cookies then I should. I want the whole pizza to myself. And don’t even get me started on music selection.

I’m rambling again, but I think I’m just distracting myself from what I saw again. Or what I heard again. I’m trying to distract my mind because it doesn’t know how to process what it’s just seen, what it’s just heard.  I don’t know how to cope with being let down. I don’t know why, because I’ve been let down so much you think I’d have chosen a final resting place by now.

It’s too dark in here to see what I can do about this. So, I just do what I always do. After listening to my music, pity *******, and crying trying not to be heard, I lay down and try to rest.

Maybe I’ll fall asleep, and in the morning, it’ll all be better.

Or maybe I’ll fall asleep, and in the morning, it’ll all be over.

I’m not sure which thought is gonna help me get to sleep.

There's been a certain darkness surrounding my life as of late.

Did I ask for it? No.

Do I deserve it? Well, that's not for me to decide.

But do I live with it? Yes.

Why? Because days are going to get better.

Someday, somehow.

There's been a certain darkness surrounding my life as of late.

And I've found there's only one thing to do with that darkness:

Shine in it.

I always said that I'd be there in the end.
No matter when that would come, I'd be there.
I looked you deep in the eye and told you that the end would never be unpleasant.
You'd never be alone.
I'd never let go of the rope.

But I did.

Or did you cut it?

Because all I'm doing now is falling.
It's like I'll never reach the end.
I keep seeing these moments etched in the darkness I am plummeting through.
The smiles, the tears, the heartache, the pain.
I see it as it is; it resembles a castle of glass.
With one big crack down the center.
But it stops right in the middle; the location almost symbolic of where a human heart would be stationed.
Around it I see a ring of fire glowing.
Glowing and burning and burning and glowing bright.
It's as if its preserving something delicate.
Something tender.
Like, love.
The love that was extinguished from my very being.

Out of my lungs like someone cut it out.

Like one would cut a rope.

I inch my trembling hand closer to what's inside this ring of fire.
It resembles a note.
I open it, and read what's written.
And in the most delicate,
Tender,
Lovely handwriting I've ever seen,

It reads:

The end.

Hate is such a strong word.

But a weakling like me needs some strength.

If you really did "Love me to death,"

Then why am I the one who was left here for dead?

My muse has left my body.
They must be following the trail of tears.
I've never felt pain like this before.
November 14, 2014 will be a date I will forever hate.
That was the day my mother was taken from this world.
Don't get me wrong, I'm glad she can no longer feel pain.
But man, the pain I feel right now is unbearable.
And now I have to keep walking this path alone.
And I don't even know the way...

It's really hard to carry the weight of the world.
It's really hard to ask a girl out.
It's really hard to love myself sometimes.
It's really hard to stop this heartache.
It's really hard to be happy with pain.
It's really hard to convey this to people.

Life's just really hard to live sometimes.

Well, aren't you just superior to everyone else?
Well, you act that way.
Well, well, well.
You just make me so mad sometimes.
You sit up there on your high horse and look down upon all of us.
I've traveled with you for years and I thought we were one in the same.
But now I realize this isn't the thing for me.
You left me behind while I was wallowing in my own sadness.
And the worst part is, you tried to act like it was ok.
And the even worse part is, you said it was my fault.
"You wish I would have" is something that will pierce my ears for many years to come.
I guess you'll just wash me away like the ocean.
Well, the ocean is a beautiful thing to see.
Except when it's cold out.
But now you've gone and done it.
And by it I mean moved on.
It's a bitter pill to swallow that after all someone can do and thrive at, that they get dumped to the wayside.
I guess I can use my talents here.
But boy, I could use them some place else, I know for sure.
Go ahead, forget all that I've done.
Forget my past accomplishments.
Forget what I've contributed.
Forget me.
Oh, but it seems you already have.
So have fun.
But don't spend too long "wishing" I'd been there.
I'm too busy wallowing in my own sadness.

My life is a big mess.

And I don't know how to fix it.

Sad again.
Cried again.
Clawed again.
Thought again.
Slept again.
Hated myself again.
Pain again.
Lost it all again.
Come back again.
Please.

I never knew you felt that way.
I wouldn't of expected it from someone like you.
Someone as beautiful and delicate like you.
I never knew.

But **** I wish I did.