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Natalie Walker Dec 2014
I love the way
you grab my hand,
lovingly, tracing it like a palm reader
who wants a better future for me
than the one you see,
you gently caress my face
and let me rest
next to you
now.

On my morning walk home
I laughed at the scared squirrel
who ran out of habit
and not because I was going to hurt it
On my morning walk home
I laughed at my self
who ran out of fear
even though you will not hurt me.
Natalie Walker Dec 2014
You have to remember how you felt
when your gaze grazed the Monet painting
you loved so much
that one weekend when you were freezing your *** off
but thawing your heart out

You have to remember why red is your favorite color
and blue is its emotional companion
and some days you're both
and some days you're blue
and some days you can't stop burning red

You have to remember that you are not an empty eggshell
no one is trying to shatter your skull,
only you are
You are not a moldy coffin
You are not a parking garage to stop in
You are not a dreary day because even when you are gray,
you bring the brightest lightening I've ever ******* seen
You are more than one person's pair of unforgiving eyes
You are not the meager morsels of a pastry gone dry

You are alive, you are well
you are the fire when the world gives you hell
you've always had the power
to silence the slicing knives across your thoughts
your dreams haven't abandoned you,
they are not white horses leaping the fence when you aren't looking
your heart isn't asleep, she's just tired

so put the mirror down
it's time to let her rest.
Natalie M. Walker
Natalie Walker Dec 2014
I see your eyes every time the sun slips
and bangs its head on the horizon
before drifting off to sleep

I hear your chuckle in the chorus
of every favorite song
that used to make me dance

I read your name in every street sign
every billboard
every paper
letters constantly scrambling
with you at the center of it all

You said this was
"a good idea"
you said this was
"going to make me happy"

you’re everywhere;
and yet nowhere close to me.
Natalie M. Walker
Natalie Walker Dec 2014
I want to look in the mirror and get butterflies
I want to become my own lover’s eyes

its so strange that I am the person who knows me best
and we still haven’t fallen in love yet

Looking at myself at arms length I can honestly say
I know your November birthday
and the way the Beatles make you twist and shout
I know your favorite books from cover to cover,
the magical mysteries you couldn’t live without
You hate monkeys, oranges and lies
you love horses, strawberries and quirks
you paint your eyelids a light silver every morning
just to hide the places that have so often hurt
I feel your every tear graze my eternally rosy cheeks
I know that Sunday mornings are the best parts of your weeks
I know what you love and I know what you need,
why won’t you take a chance on loving me?
-Natalie M. Walker
Natalie Walker Dec 2014
You see these wings?
They’re my wings.

I didn’t paint them on my eyes,
strap them on for a pageant, play, or Halloween night
I didn’t tattoo them on the small of my back
to feel the sting of satisfaction of an image I can’t see

My wings,
are right between my shoulder blades
with spreading feathers like a warm hug after a long winter’s day
when you come home to the one that loves you
and they stoke the fire and stroke your cheeks
until they fall asleep at your feet

My wings,
have tips that stretch around the world,
brushing the cheeks of crying children
lifting the chins of the concerned, confused mothers
and smoothing the hair of the disheveled, drowning fathers

And it breaks my heart that
my wings,
have always been there
from the moment I clutched the bars of my crib
screaming my mother’s name in desperation
to the moment I released her hand
in a promise to be home at midnight
on my first date with a boy
who had smiled at me in Spanish class

And my wings,
were here when the same boys that smiled
turned to a new wind,
and took flight without me
My wings,
were here every single day I couldn’t roll out of bed
couldn’t make it on time
couldn’t call my mama back
and couldn’t find my **** way home

My wings,
have been waiting
for me to finally believe
that they’ve always been there,
and when the world feels like too much

my wings,
*wake up.
Natalie Walker Dec 2014
Today I am a cracked canoe floating atop a restless ocean

My map was caught in the furry of a wave and melted away
into papery sea foam that oozed
through my hopeful fingertips

I taste nothing but salt
every time the wind whimpers your name
but still, I paddle on
with quaking palms and knotted shoulders
I paddle on
until the wind sleeps soundly
in the embrace of yesterday,
I paddle on.

— The End —