we weren't going to work
i lied to myself and said i was ready when i wasn't
i lied to you and said i didn't care
you told me you liked me and i pretended i didn't hear
because, and this is funny, i thought you were lying to me

i dream of you every night
in my bed is your smile, your voice, your laugh
your hands follow my thighs, my hips, my face
we're happy

i wish i had more than these synthetic moments
but you'll only ever be dream
we'll only ever be a dream
it's when i wake up that the nightmare begins

We spend our whole lives chasing the drug of love.
Sometimes we get distracted, and end up addicted to misery instead.

Legend has it that she is lovely,
she is warm,
she is inviting.
I've heard that she can make the colors seem brighter,
the bread smell sweeter,
the sun feel warmer.
They say she will ruin your life in the best way possible,
that she can flood your brain as if she were the shimmering nectar that is for only the gods,
that she can make you do things that you never thought you'd have the nerve to do.
Someone told me that once you meet her you need not know anyone else.
I've seen glimpses of her.
Walking down the boardwalk in the form of two teenagers holding hands.
Sitting on a park bench like she was a couple married for 50 years.
But, though I know what she is supposed to look like,
I have not met her.
And I do not believe I will ever have the chance to know her.

I'm not good at anything
except missing you.

Again,
this morning,
I woke up wanting to kiss you.

I rolled over in bed,
hoping you would be there,
but knowing you wouldn't be.

I closed my eyes once more,
so, at the very least,
I could pretend.

i feel my heartbeat in my head
i try to think logically
but my heart tells me what's meant to be
and i can't change a single thing
i feel my heartbeat in my head
i can only hear my heartbeat in my head