Murredith

Murredith Jun 2015

battery is dying
i am crying

the music plays
my mind delays

left all alone
everything unknown

lack of sleep
with thoughts so deep

in darkness i hide
we're dead inside

#dying #depression #alone #dead #crying #unknown #thoughts #darkness #music #inside

Murredith Jun 2015

confessions || 17/06/'15

I am not going to promise you we will be "together forever."
I am not going to tell you I love you 'to the moon & back.'
I am not going to say that you look hot.

Instead, I will promise you each day that I will stay the day.
Instead, I will tell you I love you, but show you how much (way more than 'to the moon & back').
Instead, I will glance at you soaking in every inch of your beauty, sit back & shockingly say, "wow."

If I promise you that we will be "together forever," you may get some lazy relationship where we put our effort into the cliché land of time that we call, tomorrow. If I promise you each day, that I will stay the day, then I'm sure we'll get a relationship where we put our all in, every single day.
If I tell you I love you 'to the moon & back,' then I am giving you a limited love. My love for you is unlimited.
If I tell you I love you, & show you how much, I'll spend the rest of my life showing you, & you'll get the rest of yours to see.
If I tell you "you're hot," I'd be understating it, & you would feel like a hunk of meat. Your beauty magnifies, & I will remind you everyday making sure you feel your beauty as I see it.

#love #beauty #you

Murredith Jun 2015

you & the sky || 06/06/'15

There are only two things in this world, that give me an indescribable feeling of warmness, & pure comfort.
I was taught to never let one go, & if one slips, let the other fall too.

But baby, even if that sky goes out, I still won't let you go.

#sky #you #wontletyougo

Murredith Jun 2015

for you || 06/06/'15

Do you know what it's like, when your insecurities take over, & leave you with more death wishes than the breaths you take in a day? When you want so much to just give up, & leave, so nobody has to see your every flaw? But then there's that one person, that's all it takes; just one person, who keeps showing up & loving everything that you hate about yourself. That one person just shows up, enters your insecurity-infested life, & then starts fighting for you. So every time you feel like giving up, & you convince yourself it's time to give everyone a break from you, that person shows up, & pushes you to stay. They remind you how much they love your flaws, & imperfections. They tell you over & over that everyone isn't perfect, & that they love you the way you are, & they fight for you to stay. Soon, every time you want to give up, you automatically fight that urge, even though your insides are screaming that you're making a mistake by staying, but you stay anyway.
You fight it, & you stay.
For them.
Do you know what that's like?

I was sleeping when I thought this, woke up, wrote it all down, now I'm posting it 11 hours later.

#fight #stay #insecurities #doyouknowwhatitslike

Murredith Apr 2015

relapse || 23/04/'15

One* step forward, two steps back.
Tears, bruises, panic attack.
Two steps forward, four steps back.
Screaming, shouting, way off track.
Three steps forward, six steps back.
Sitting alone in pitch black.
Two steps forward, eight steps back.
One step forward, ten steps back.
Don't you see, this is *relapse?

#depression #alone #tears #anxiety #selfharm #relapse

Murredith Apr 2015

unanswered || 23/04/'15

Do you hear me,
At 8pm with a broken voice & sad eyes?
Do you see me,
At 4am with tear stained cheeks & bleeding thighs?
Do you know me,*
At 12pm with fake smiles & a mouthful of lies?

#lies #sad #depression #rhymes #selfharm #selfhate

Murredith Apr 2015

home sure is comfy || 21/04/'15

I was scared.
Everyone I have ever dated, I ended up pushing away, losing feelings for & hurting. I never truly cared for anyone I ever dated.

I found a girl that made butterflies become pets to my stomach. A girl that made happiness seem easy.

I had her, this beautiful girl that I genuinely cared about, & I threw her away in utter fear of repeating past actions.
I guess I find comfort in familiarity.

Little did I know that she would keep me up at night. That my mind only ever seemed to be thinking of her.
Is she okay?
What is she doing?
Does she miss me?
I miss her.
I found that my comfort no longer hid in familiarity, but instead sparkled in her eyes, was enlightened by her smile, lingered in her laugh, & clung to her voice.

I was scared of having her. Of loving her. Of finding a new comfort.

Four months later I stop, close my eyes, & hold my breath.
Maybe old comforts need to be forgotten because my definition of home now begins with her name, & **home sure is comfy.

#love #fear #her #comfort