I was scared. Everyone I have ever dated, I ended up pushing away, losing feelings for & hurting. I never truly cared for anyone I ever dated.
I found a girl that made butterflies become pets to my stomach. A girl that made happiness seem easy.
I had her, this beautiful girl that I genuinely cared about, & I threw her away in utter fear of repeating past actions. I guess I find comfort in familiarity.
Little did I know that she would keep me up at night. That my mind only ever seemed to be thinking of her. Is she okay? What is she doing? Does she miss me? I miss her. I found that my comfort no longer hid in familiarity, but instead sparkled in her eyes, was enlightened by her smile, lingered in her laugh, & clung to her voice.
I was scared of having her. Of loving her. Of finding a new comfort.
Four months later I stop, close my eyes, & hold my breath. Maybe old comforts need to be forgotten because my definition of home now begins with her name, & **home sure is comfy.