Somewhere in there,
Maybe I could go back and rescue my mind from this sizzling bath of TV static.
But you know what they say about thinking like that.
It's just that nothing seems to make much sense anymore,
And I find it hard to convince myself to make a move.
I'm scared, I trust myself only a little more than I trust the world.

I'm not moving, just thinking about all this and then you come home.
You talk to me in the cute voice you used with your cat when you were in Oregon.
It wakes me up.
I was unsure about all this at first,
And not really even aware of it,
But you've grown on me.
You've grown roots into my heart. I know what they want... and I couldn't bring myself to rip them out and walk away.

Because I looked down and saw that I'd grown roots into you as well.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never go home again.
My room will sit unused,
A capsule frozen in time,
A snapshot of how I was.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never see my dog again.
She will sit at the front door
Waiting for me and wondering,
Why I never came home.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never graduate from high school.
My yearbooks will sit stacked
Stopped short of their goal,
Missing years that should have been.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never see my mom again.
She will sit distraught,
Planning a funeral
For a child taken from her.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never see my friends again.
They'll sit together, missing me.
One empty seat among them,
A constant reminder of their loss.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never see my little sister again.
She will sit through high school
Knowing I can't guide her through,
That she has to figure it out alone.

If I die in a school shooting
My school will be stained.
Pools of students lives will sit,
Blood tattoos on the brick structures,
Marks of death ground into it.

If I die in a school shooting
Everyone will wear black.
They'll send their thoughts and prayers
To a town marred by death,
Forever to be the home of a shooting.

If I die in a school shooting
Will the world change?
Or will I become one of hundreds  
Of kids who have to die?
What will it take?

If things continue this way
Children will have to live in fear.
They'll look over their shoulders
Always worried and wondering,
If they'll die in a school shooting.

I make you smile but I don't make you laugh.
I make you sing but the lyrics aren't for me.
I watch you dance but your eyes don't focus on me.
My evening thoughts are all about you but yours aren't about me.
I like you as a lover but you like me as a friend.

But all those things are okay with me. But when I told you that I loved you, and you said "I'm sorry but I don't love you."

It broke my heart.
Funny thing is, I still love you with all the shattered pieces.



© Copyright Tyler Atherton

I remember jumping into the water without knowing how to swim
I remember pressing my hand against the kettle to check if it was hot, watching it blister red for hours
I remember pinching myself even if I knew I was awake
I remember running until my feet burned and my lungs collapsed

I remember crying so hard until my eyes were swollen shut
I remember not remembering the answer to a math question and everyone called me stupid
I remember gripping my own wrists so tight until it turned into a kaleidoscope of blues and purples
I remember letting myself get tangled in your hair and drown in your eyes

I remember destroying myself

i miss you
i miss your constant hello's
i miss your everyday smiles
i miss your corny jokes
i miss your hands holding onto mine
i miss your hugs and small kisses
but mostly
i miss us

A.C.