As I sit in my mother's room writing this piece,
I wonder to myself,
"Do I keep fighting? Do I just tell her how sad I am? Or do I keep my emotions to myself?"
With the questions in my mind, a headache at hand, and deep sorrow in my heart,
There is only one decision left to make;
As I fend off of the courage that is thrown at me,
I fight the voices away telling me to stay on the ground,
To just be alone forever and to just keep quiet,
I do the possible and get up;
I walk to her and just look her in the eyes and I give in,
I break down in front of her for the first time in 2 1/2 years,
The first time I'd cry in front of her since my first love broke it off with me,
The first time since I felt somewhat safe around her again;
She would ask what was wrong and when I wouldn't answer she would hug me,
Hug me until I couldn't tell her what was wrong to her face,
She would bring me to a place where no one else could bother us so that we could talk,
She would be the first to listen to what I had to keep to myself after all of this time;
When I would be done, my lips would quiver and my eyes would be red from tears,
My heart would be beating faster than a race horse fighting it's way to first place,
My head hurting from crying too much,
My mind racing at what she would say;
She would just stand there and listen to everything,
Everything that I had been mentally saying for the past 2 1/2 years,
Everything that was not right with me,
Everything that should have been said in the first place;
She would hug me and tell me everything would be alright,
She would tell the other kids to leave me alone for the rest of the night so that I can think about things,
She would leave for a bit to get food for the hungry tummies that were hyper from being cooped up inside from the winter weather,
She would return with the same love she felt for me when she first had me as her firstborn child;
I would finally feel at ease with the world for that moment,
I would finally be able to be honest with her for the first time in what felt like forever,
I would finally be able to be happy,
I would finally be able to find my true self after all of the terrible things that no one would be able to even think about;
There is a light at the end of the tunnel for everyone,
Though it may take you years to see it,
You will get there eventually,
And though you might know my story;
Mine is just an example of how far you can go from being the worse kid to handle with,
To the most remarkable teenager that no one can stand to be without.
Even though no one besides those closest to me know my story, I have come far from where I begin in my life. I have been heartbroken, beaten down to the core of my soul, and I have fought off many battles that have put me through so much to the point that I didn't think I could handle anything anymore. But I have found safety in those that have loved and cared for me since the beginning even when I thought they had given up on me.