Busy hands.
I don’t know
Sorrow is so much more glamorous
Than obsolete joy

We fall
Not wanting to let go
Remembering the moments
Where nothing meant forever

We fell
Helping our broken hearts mend
In the silence of the day
Before we dreamed back under again

We're falling
We're always falling

Sometimes I think of killing myself
How the end would be so nice
How the darkness would swallow me up
And how the numbness would suffice
My need

For all the voices of the feelings
That constantly keep me reeling
To softly slow to a hush
As my brain starts tur-tur-turning into mush

How wonderful it would be
To have that powerful silence
Not even grasshoppers would bother
To wake me

My cells would stop dividing
My brain would stop the lying
Myself would stop denying
What I truly want

But but but
This is just a reckless fantasy
A way to elude one’s own reality

Because as I sit here on the floor
Tears drip drip dropping
I realize there’s those who care for me more
Cherish me more
Love me more
Than I love my own self

The crickets chirp
I put the pills down

i always wanted to be a fairy;
to be small,
skinny,
and free
to be able to fly,
soar through the clouds,
and touch the sun

i longed to be a vampire
so i could be beautifully pale,
survive on liquid alone,
and be asleep all day

i wished to be a zombie
so i didn’t have to eat,
so i could see my ribs,
and just rest in peace

i prayed to be a witch,
or a warlock;
make people see me for me,
and see me as a boy

i just want it all to get better

you love me enough to say no
to tell me what scares you
to make me stop

you love me enough
and yet you have so much left over
you still care about yourself
and put yourself in other’s shoes

i love you enough to say yes
“yes” to all the things i’ve never felt safe doing before
“yes” to things that used to make me afraid
that i now feel safe going with you

i love you enough
to cry when you say “i love you”
to feel all that emotion build up
and swell

i love you enough
to just sit and think about you
i don’t see you much
but memories of you make me feel like i’m safe

i love you enough
that thinking of you makes my day a million times better
that every time you cross my mind
i smile,
brighter than i ever have

i love you enough
to call you my home,
and make a nest

i love you enough
that i want to make your sadness go away
be your sunshine
and make everything better

and i love you enough
to know that i can’t

You think I romanticise suicide?
That I can find glory in death?

You're wrong.

I don't hope for romance, there is no romance in laying six feet deep.

Being defeated by your own mind holds no glory, there is no pride in suicide.

You say...
Get over it.
You can fight this.
It's only in your mind.

And you're right.

It's only im my mind so stop telling me how I feel.

So shut up.

I know it's weak.
Selfish... but it is my choice.
I know you think it's a choice to be happy.
If it was did you really think I would choose this?

sadness
pain
depression

Suicide

Trying to write a goodbye.
Wondering about the music for my funeral.

Suicide

I'm always scared but fighting.
I am weak but never giving up.
Never giving in.

I don't think this is fun.
This is suicide your talking about.
No romance.

Empty of joy and glory.
Suicide.
A way out.

I’ve got to wake up early tomorrow
There’s a stillness in it
That you don’t find in my stomach
It does flips and flips and flips
Brush the hair out of my face again, will you
I know I need it cut