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Jun 2019 · 222
mother
Gray Jun 2019
what did i ever do
to deserve a woman
as cruel and heartless
as you?
my relationship with my mother
Jun 2019 · 193
be my queen
Gray Jun 2019
the princess
in shining armour
got the prince
out of his tower
make me your king?
Jun 2019 · 302
her pain/his pain
Gray Jun 2019
the way
he grabbed you,
and hurt you
reminded me
all too much
of him being
beaten
it isn't completely about you, sweetheart
i wish i could make it better
May 2019 · 190
untitled pt. 2
Gray May 2019
i want you next to me,
to feel your soul intertwined

to feel you once again
would be a dream come true

you are the one thing
that meant anything to me

you held me together,
and now you're gone

wish i could bring you back
another poem for my dearly departed gramma.
01/11/1945 - 10/22/2017
you are missed more than you know
May 2019 · 451
reasons: for her pt. 4
Gray May 2019
she is everything
that keeps me walking

standing here,
looking there

she is my fire,
my only desire

counterpart, depart

she is art;
a masterpiece

she is the one who has
the lease for my heart
something else for the special girl in my life
she keeps me sane when the world goes dark
Gray May 2019
you've appointed yourself
my therapist;
you know i trust you,
i could tell you anything if i wanted to;
you're my rock,
my sky,
my never ending melody;
the song that writes itself,
you're the words on this
page,

you know my every confession—
it would be a sin to let you go
to my girlfriend. she was my friend for a while, and now she's just great. i trust her the most.
Gray May 2019
you know me—
the ins and outs of my soul,
the fibres of my body;
what makes me squirm,
what makes me scream;
you know anything and everything
i could ever want someone to know,
and help me know more.

you see me for me,
not some broken parts—
and for that?
i could never love you more
a little piece about trust
i'm just posting what i can as i don't know when i will be able to post once more.
i love you all
**
May 2019 · 151
for him
Gray May 2019
bruises,
black and blue—
bitten into skin;
a drunken mistake?
or a sign of things to come?
this is probably going to be a series of poems. i know. i hate myself too
May 2019 · 215
for her
Gray May 2019
you saved my life,
many a time;
told me no,
held my hand,
walked me through—
you always made sure i was alright,
and kept watching

just like me,
you never stopped watching
for my wonderful girlfriend. she's a lot of why i'm still here right now, and she's my Safety Person
May 2019 · 1.0k
a note
Gray May 2019
a house is not a home
my home is with those who love me,
and you clearly don't
i am leaving;
i will miss you,
but not enough to come back.
you are nothing to me anymore,
as i am done with your lies
i'm planning on leaving home soon so that's a mess
Mar 2019 · 578
live
Gray Mar 2019
i always wanted to be a fairy;
to be small,
skinny,
and free
to be able to fly,
soar through the clouds,
and touch the sun

i longed to be a vampire
so i could be beautifully pale,
survive on liquid alone,
and be asleep all day

i wished to be a zombie
so i didn’t have to eat,
so i could see my ribs,
and just rest in peace

i prayed to be a witch,
or a warlock;
make people see me for me,
and see me as a boy

i just want it all to get better
a wish list for the future, and a letter from the past
Mar 2019 · 120
i love you enough
Gray Mar 2019
you love me enough to say no
to tell me what scares you
to make me stop

you love me enough
and yet you have so much left over
you still care about yourself
and put yourself in other’s shoes

i love you enough to say yes
“yes” to all the things i’ve never felt safe doing before
“yes” to things that used to make me afraid
that i now feel safe going with you

i love you enough
to cry when you say “i love you”
to feel all that emotion build up
and swell

i love you enough
to just sit and think about you
i don’t see you much
but memories of you make me feel like i’m safe

i love you enough
that thinking of you makes my day a million times better
that every time you cross my mind
i smile,
brighter than i ever have

i love you enough
to call you my home,
and make a nest

i love you enough
that i want to make your sadness go away
be your sunshine
and make everything better

and i love you enough
to know that i can’t
for my lovely girlfriend who deserves recovery and happiness
Dec 2018 · 868
you hurt me
Gray Dec 2018
you made me feel so loved
        i adored you
        i don't know how to feel
                   why am i apologizing
                   for you hurting me
why do i feel guilty
for something i didn't do?
                           why am i coming back to you
                           even after you caused me so much pain?
             why am i talking to you
             after you stole my voice?
                                          why do i see you as beautiful,
                                          when you made me feel hideous?
                why am i crawling back,
                after you tore me apart?
                          
                               ­                           why do i keep coming back?
aka i started talking to an ex i had that still scares me. my first instinct was to call her pretty.  why was that my first instinct
Dec 2018 · 638
make me scream
Gray Dec 2018
oh beauty,
oh handsome;
make me sing
i wrote this at the end of a relationship, good times
Dec 2018 · 134
Ponder Your Fate
Gray Dec 2018
Twelve, getting older;
Boy, oh boy
You know,
It is time
Too old for silly games…
(Too young to work)
Sit in limbo--
Ponder your fate,
The life that which you live
Still eleven,
Scared of what you see;
It’s not fair
It’s never been fair
Ten now
You know your father has no chance
Whatever faith you had,
It’s gone with his career
All you have is your games,
Your sister,
And what little hope you have left
All you can do is pray;
Pray and hope it will be okay
On Jeremy "Jem" Finch in Harper Lee's To **** a Mockingbird
Nov 2018 · 228
cancer
Gray Nov 2018
the day i found out she was dying,
it was truly like no other
mid-october--
i was twelve

after dinner,
she brought my mom and me downstairs
the four of us sat around the table holding hands;
me, my mom, her, my grandfather;
i thought it could be something good

she tensed up,
squeezed my grandpa's hand,
and took a deep breath

she had cancer
just like she had, five times before; strong woman
Nov 2018 · 162
untitiled
Gray Nov 2018
i took your name
as my own;
i liked it,
and wanted it love it
as much as i loved you;
because if i do not have you
i have something to hold on to
dedicated to a boy i once knew, and the story of how i got my middle name
Nov 2018 · 154
in the life
Gray Nov 2018
it’s been three years
i started preschool

six years
first grade here i come
(first best friend too...)

seven years
first new home

eight years
first kiss
(didn’t say no)

nine years
i hurt you more
(i’m sorry)

ten years
everyone’s a stranger
(why do they hate me?)

twelve years
it’s getting worse

thirteen years
why do i hate myself?

fourteen years
i don’t think i trust them

fifteen years
feels like a mistake
significant things over the years
Nov 2018 · 119
for a boy
Gray Nov 2018
for a boy i used to know
i’m sorry.
you deserved a better friend;
one that didn’t hurt you
a person who left good enough alone
a friend that knew how to make it better
there is more i wish i did for you

for a boy i used to love
i still care;
still longingly wait for you,
waiting for you to call again
there is more i wish i said to you

for a boy who touched me
i said no
i’m sorry you didn’t hear me

for a boy who loved me—
for an old friend who i didn’t appreciate when i had him. for the boy i thought cared about me. for a creepy kid who didn’t know that “no” didn’t mean pin me against a wall. to the boy that beat up my friend because i liked another guy; the boy meant nothing.
Nov 2018 · 79
body/brain
Gray Nov 2018
m y
   b o d y
       i s
           t o o m u c h

m y
     b r a i n
    d o e s
             n o t
       e n o u g h
dysphoria is lovely
Nov 2018 · 273
would it?
Gray Nov 2018
if i grabbed a handful of little red pills
and put them in my mouth,
would anything matter?

or would the world just fade to black
and forget about me
Nov 2018 · 120
you
Gray Nov 2018
you
in me, i see you—
a young man, small, timid;
dark hair, dark eyes

stubborn, irresponsible—
full of bad decisions

somebody who has no control
someone who has no freedom

for whom love is not enough
who has everything that he could ever want and still be unhappy
a home
a family
some faith in the universe
you still want more

in me, i see you
and that is something i wish wasn’t true
based on my non existent relationship with my dad. nobody knows where he is anymore. fun fact: my mom said i get my ****** judgment from my dad... yayyy
Nov 2018 · 1.3k
a b o u t
Gray Nov 2018
a boy who never knew his father
who’s mother feels more like a stranger more than anything
a boy who finds more solace in his friends,
than he ever could from family
a boy with a body that doesn’t feel like his own
who has no one to share his pain with because “he’s fine”
who lets everything build up until it all crashes down
because “boys don’t cry”
so y’know what
he’s alright
he’s a boy who isn’t broken
at least not yet
if anything he’s cracked
a piece from a while ago
Nov 2018 · 7.9k
you get a call
Gray Nov 2018
you get a call
it’s too early
but too late all at once

you get a call
it is after midnight
he has the bottle in hand

you get a call
it is early morning
the pills are down his throat

you get a call
it’s one am
he tells you not to worry

you get a call
you don’t know how to feel
he says he’s done the bottle
(you don’t know if he means the pills or the water)

you get a call
you don’t know what to do

you get a call
it ends too soon
based off the time when my friend called me during a suicide attempt
Nov 2018 · 553
Cheryl
Gray Nov 2018
Sometimes I see her at the side of my bed;
Reading me a story;
Kissing me goodnight,
The lights go out
Sometimes her face is so clear
Like I saw her yesterday;
She is right there in front of me
I reach out to give her a hug
She ripples and fades
Like she
was never
there at all
Sometimes I hear her heart,
Beating like she's still here
When it stops, the pain starts all over
When she's gone, time stops;
When she returns, we bleed;
When she returns, we breathe;
When she returns
We are free
i’m really missing my grandma tonight. just over a year since she died and i don’t know why i’m sad now
Nov 2018 · 226
name
Gray Nov 2018
tell me my name
yell it
scream it from the rooftops
remind me i'm human
remind me i'm not the monster they say

tell me my name
say it as you hold me close at night;
when you pin me to the wall,
whisper it in my ear

don't call me your boyfriend
don't call me your dear
call me my name
because not enough people call me by my name and dysphoria is evil.  it's just some friends and teachers at school.
Nov 2018 · 1.3k
what you want
Gray Nov 2018
mold me

        make me

             what you want

make me what you--
      what you want to be
pose me

   dose
              me

                     break
             me
down
            down
                         down

touch me
          control me
                 absolutely crush me
      hold me
               enfold me--

do
      what
                 you
                        please

mold         me
         make      me
pose           me
        break       me
this is directly inspired by a special thing i like to call Being A Doormat...

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