Secrets can be silent.
But most often they are whispered
Surrounded by cup-shaped palms
Transported from trembling mouth
To eager ears

Sometimes they are muttered
Throughout staggering sleep
Unbeknownst to the speaker,
Sounded out by partly incoherent coos
And deciphered by insomniacs

Sometimes they are slurred
by drunken tongues and spilled
Like a pint across the bar.
The glass shatters on the floor.
Left dangerously displayed
Until swept up and forgotten in the morning

Sometimes they are written
Soberly on a stark page
The ink courses through your veins
The pen carves the way


And you’re here.
©

I crave your presence

the energy
which follows you like a shadow
electrifies my body
magnifies
my awareness
which is always
fine tuned
to you

you are
my personal drug
the high
you give me
is unlike any other
excites my body
and my mind
putting me in a daze
so that I
stumble
over words
embarrass myself

you never fail
to leave me
with a colorful
imagination

one filled
with thoughts
of you and me

passion
and lust
paint the scenes
in my mind
tempting me
to tell you to
get to know
me
let your hands
be your eyes
and see
how my body feels
exploring
new territory
relieving
tension

I am hungry
for you
but I wonder
if I ever do
get to have you
will it
spoil
my appetite?

will I
grow accustomed
to your taste
after a few bites
and become bored
discard you
like a half eaten
apple
no longer
hungry
at all?

alas,
I crave you still
you wave hello

and in return
the smile I give you
screams all of this

They say that practice makes perfect
but i have practiced self-love for
some time now.
I am still stuck on the hope
that one day things will just click into place
so i am not fighting a war on how to love myself.
Perhaps i need to learn that self-love
doesn't need to be practiced but to be left
alone, for it is rooted inside of us,
waiting to blossom.

hatred
for every human
that's ever existed
how pathetic,
naive,
stupid

they fill me
with disgust
and pity

isn't it ironic
how my
pretentious
view of humanity
is matched
by my inherent desire
for their company?

making me the
most pathetic
most disgusting
most pitiful
one of all

I'm ******* lonely as hell dude

can't stand to be around anyone
but even more,
can't bear to be alone with my mind

intimacy and conversation -
regardless of quality -
serve as a distraction
from the feeling of dread
which won't leave me
ever

in my solitude
it feels like
something is laughing
at my existence:

a cockroach
with a superiority complex
pretending to be dignified
like it won't be crushed
immediately
when stepped on

SOMETHING OR SOMEONE
PLEASE
END MY LIFE

currently wishing
my uber driver would shut the **** up for half a minute

I just want to listen
to Joy Division
in silence;
with nothing
but the pressure
of my inescapable apathy

please shut up;
I really don't care
that two children were hit
by a tractor trailer this morning,
only a bit jealous.
I never thought I'd meet
someone as lonely as me,
but the continual conversation
that you regurgitate
proves otherwise.
I wish I could be
taken out
by a tractor trailer -
at this point,
I'll settle for anything.

uh-huh
yeah
really
no way

I feel as though this trip
is a metaphor
for my waking life:
just a blur of scenery
flying by,
while a stranger
makes noises at my depression -
and I just,
uh-huh
yeah
really
no way

I hate how
I hate everything

hate
how lonely I am

how regardless
of who
surrounds me,
        comforts me,
                loves me,
I still feel like I'm alone

welcome to the void

My Dearest Black Dahlia
Stumbling in these neon streets
Waiting to be torn in two
Be my carrion pin up model
Adorned in imprinted diamonds
With porcelain skin icy stale
Murderous glamor
Gleaming and serene
Posing like a minx
Half here and half there
A hauntingly mesmerizing woman
Should I be fearful
Or should I be in love
I suppose this is maddening
But I am smiling all the while
Bright and all Irish
Welcome to Hollywood
My Dearest Black Dahlia